Anonymous
Post 11/26/2018 09:14     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Anonymous wrote:I'd like to know if you were on each others nerves going into that dinner. Was there a lead up to this whole incident, Op?

Seems strange that she would just suddenly fly off the handle like that. Or is she usually easily triggered?

I'm sensing bad blood....


OP here.

There is no bad blood that I know of, other than the fact that she and MIL were extremely unwelcoming and extremely resistant to the idea of me dating and marrying my DH. SIL is always difficult and rude so I avoid her and am forced in her company 2-3 times a year. Usually she will use that time to pick on me and act out or ice me out. We don't have any relationship.

Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 21:55     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
I'd like to know if you were on each others nerves going into that dinner. Was there a lead up to this whole incident, Op?

Seems strange that she would just suddenly fly off the handle like that. Or is she usually easily triggered?

I'm sensing bad blood....
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 21:52     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
So any post-dinner stories?
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 21:02     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, both you and SIL are playing a sad game.


What game is that? I wasn't playing any game. I just wanted to help FIL as I felt bad for it. Also I thought it would be efficient.


np- I think helping your FIL was kind, and the comment from your DH saying you were doing a fine job serving people was fine too I think, if SIL's comment was truly rude and not joking around. Everything after that was passive aggressive and sounded like you trying to drag out the drama. Yes, she was being rude. Sounds like she is always rude. She sucks. But responding to each and every one of her jabs just draws it out. Kind of like threads on DCUM. Sometimes, just ignoring someone helps them go away better than nitpicking every rude or wrong thing they say, which just makes them comment AGAIN with MORE nonsense. You know?


+1 agree with all that.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 20:15     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG you sound like the most passive aggressive bunch of nutjobs. Putting food on plates shouldn't require this much debate or drama.


...how did I create the drama?


Anonymous wrote:"Laria is doing a wonderful job. Thank you honey!"

Then when its my plate, DH gets out of his seat and says, "you shouldn't have to serve yourself. Let me get yours." I say thanks, kiss him, and sit down.

SIL freaks out. "What??!! That is not fair! I had to get my own plate! Why do you have to serve Larla's?!"

"My husband ignores her and casually mutters, "she's my wife."

I look at SIL and say gently, "Britney you should be proud your brother is being a good husband."


This is all drama. Completely unnecessary and very passive aggressive.
Agree. You were simply digging the needling in. In any event, why should YOU be proud of your brother’s behavior? It had nothing to do with her. Bizarre.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 20:11     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG you sound like the most passive aggressive bunch of nutjobs. Putting food on plates shouldn't require this much debate or drama.


...how did I create the drama?


Anonymous wrote:"Laria is doing a wonderful job. Thank you honey!"

Then when its my plate, DH gets out of his seat and says, "you shouldn't have to serve yourself. Let me get yours." I say thanks, kiss him, and sit down.

SIL freaks out. "What??!! That is not fair! I had to get my own plate! Why do you have to serve Larla's?!"

"My husband ignores her and casually mutters, "she's my wife."

I look at SIL and say gently, "Britney you should be proud your brother is being a good husband."


This is all drama. Completely unnecessary and very passive aggressive.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 20:04     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, both you and SIL are playing a sad game.


What game is that? I wasn't playing any game. I just wanted to help FIL as I felt bad for it. Also I thought it would be efficient.


np- I think helping your FIL was kind, and the comment from your DH saying you were doing a fine job serving people was fine too I think, if SIL's comment was truly rude and not joking around. Everything after that was passive aggressive and sounded like you trying to drag out the drama. Yes, she was being rude. Sounds like she is always rude. She sucks. But responding to each and every one of her jabs just draws it out. Kind of like threads on DCUM. Sometimes, just ignoring someone helps them go away better than nitpicking every rude or wrong thing they say, which just makes them comment AGAIN with MORE nonsense. You know?
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 19:17     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Why does it matter? She does seem to hate you and at least your dh knows it too. Disengage and stop pondering it.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 19:08     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
^in other words, sometimes you just have to suck it up and not engage.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 19:07     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Anonymous wrote:If OP sat there and said nothing people would say she was a door mat. The SIL was a brat. There was no need for SIL to say what she did. I think that SIL was upset because OP and her husband supported each other, she sounds bitter.


Maybe, but the grand show of support that Op and Op's dh gave for each other was entirely unnecessary and only goaded SIL into saying more unfortunate things.

Someone worked hard on that nice meal being served (MIL?), the concern should have been more for the host than setting rude SIL straight.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 19:01     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
If OP sat there and said nothing people would say she was a door mat. The SIL was a brat. There was no need for SIL to say what she did. I think that SIL was upset because OP and her husband supported each other, she sounds bitter.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 18:47     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Not read all of that. Age-old story.

Instead of asking what or why, you need to disengage. It's the only thing anyone has ever done successfully to survive less than idea inlaws. You're welcome.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 18:45     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Stop squabbling at the dinner table children or you will need to go to your rooms!
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 18:19     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Rather than offering to help FIL and inserting yourself front row center into the issue, it would have served you better to have quietly mentioned to your DH that it looks like his father could use a hand. Then your DH could have offered to help him and SIL would not have you as a target.

Next time wait a little and give their family members a chance to work through a problem before you jump in and show them up.

FIL could have also asked someone to help him.


But why is it OP's fault? SIL went uber bratty on her. Geez. I am glad I am not some posters' SIL.


It’s not her fault but if she knew nothing she did was going to end well with SIL, why antagonize and show her up? I agree that her DH could have mitigated some of the drama by stepping up himself but guys just don’t get it. So while I think OP did a good thing (I would be horrified to sit and watch an old man struggle and feel embarassed!) and I’m sure it went a long way to building a bridge with FIL (and maybe MIL) it clearly made SIL’s behavior look even worse (as it should, frankly!) and she retaliated.
Anonymous
Post 11/25/2018 18:03     Subject: What is SIL's problem with me?
Please ignore her, she doesn't deserve your attention.