You start by saying you are on the verge of divorce. Without knowing the bigger issues that each of you have with the relationship, it is hard to analyze one little issue about a Christmas tree

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like he feels the need for some time to himself. He uses Saturdays as his time. Everyone needs that down time. But all day every Saturday is a lot. Could you suggest that he uses Saturday to run errands and have some time to himself, but reserve Saturday afternoon/evening for date night? Then, Sunday could be your family day?

That is basically what we’ve been doing. I do all of the must-do stuff on Saturdays so that we can hang out on Sunday. I just wanted the tree done today because it’s a lot of work and I wanted to relax tomorrow.

I would pull out all the decorations and decorate the house and yard. I would set up the tree and put the lights on, but hold off on ornaments. Make some cookies, put on Christmas music, and when he gets home, everyone helps put ornaments on the tree. My husband (of 30 years) hates the hassle and the logistics of decorating. But he likes putting ornaments on the tree. It's all about compromise, OP. Most men don't care nearly as much about decorating for Christmas as women do. Not a popular statement, but it's true.

Some people are not ready to dive right into the next holiday right after another holiday. If he wants some time off to just relax and get some "normal" stuff done, that is totally understandable.

If you truly want family time to celebrate Christmas, pick a day that sounds good to BOTH of you.

He just drives around all day on Saturday? You think that’s acceptable in a marriage?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy being around your husband? What’s it like when he is around? Is he nice to your child?

These are the questions to focus on, not Saturdays (which I agree his habit is weird but I would tolerate if answers to above were good) and Christmas trees.

I do enjoy being around him. I do love him and don’t want to get divorced. I just don’t know how we find a way to communicate our needs to each other in a constructive way so that we both feel heard and understood.

Then don’t put up your Christmas tree on Saturdays.

Accept that this is what he’s going to do, decide if you can live with it or not, and if you can, then move forward. This is how people stay married.

It sounds like you both over estimated on parenting. He doesn’t love the actual work of being a step dad or just parenting. And you don’t want to share parenting responsibilities. It’s probably not going to work out long term unless you sit down and discuss.

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like he feels the need for some time to himself. He uses Saturdays as his time. Everyone needs that down time. But all day every Saturday is a lot. Could you suggest that he uses Saturday to run errands and have some time to himself, but reserve Saturday afternoon/evening for date night? Then, Sunday could be your family day?

That is basically what we’ve been doing. I do all of the must-do stuff on Saturdays so that we can hang out on Sunday. I just wanted the tree done today because it’s a lot of work and I wanted to relax tomorrow.

Sure he's not having an affair? I'd find out where he goes all day Saturday. Get a GPS tracker off amazon and put it in his car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What “errands” does a person have to do all day every Saturday? And who just drives around?

He’s either sitting at work watching tv, at a bar all day, or with a girlfriend all day.

Totally weird.

Op said he also likes to visit friends and family. Some people like to wander. I’m like that and not drinking or having an affair. My kids come with me

I don’t have any doubts that he is by himself (or whoever he says he is with). He is not a drinker and I don’t think he would have an affair.

OP, it sounds like he feels the need for some time to himself. He uses Saturdays as his time. Everyone needs that down time. But all day every Saturday is a lot. Could you suggest that he uses Saturday to run errands and have some time to himself, but reserve Saturday afternoon/evening for date night? Then, Sunday could be your family day?

Anonymous wrote:What “errands” does a person have to do all day every Saturday? And who just drives around?

He’s either sitting at work watching tv, at a bar all day, or with a girlfriend all day.

Totally weird.

Op said he also likes to visit friends and family. Some people like to wander. I’m like that and not drinking or having an affair. My kids come with me

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you enjoy being around your husband? What’s it like when he is around? Is he nice to your child?

These are the questions to focus on, not Saturdays (which I agree his habit is weird but I would tolerate if answers to above were good) and Christmas trees.

I do enjoy being around him. I do love him and don’t want to get divorced. I just don’t know how we find a way to communicate our needs to each other in a constructive way so that we both feel heard and understood.

OP, do you enjoy being around your husband? What’s it like when he is around? Is he nice to your child?

These are the questions to focus on, not Saturdays (which I agree his habit is weird but I would tolerate if answers to above were good) and Christmas trees.

Anonymous wrote:The tree can be done tomorrow. The issue is he checks out every single Saturday. What would happen if you told him you had plans 2 saturdays from now and could get handle the kid stuff would he do it. He may feel like you have all this kid stuff to do and dont need him so started doing his own thing and now its gotten out of control.
Would u both go to counseling?

It seems they are both refusing to participate in things the other finds important. Counseling is not a get my husband to do things my way all the time to. For counseling to work the both need to make changes and I’m not sure they are willing to do that.

What “errands” does a person have to do all day every Saturday? And who just drives around?

He’s either sitting at work watching tv, at a bar all day, or with a girlfriend all day.

Totally weird.