Anonymous wrote:I honestly hope OP fiance finds this post so he can drop her like a hot potato like yesterday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who did this with his 12 year old. While. Or I g sexual was going on, it’s still not culturally appropriate here in the US. I have even heard a teacher tell me that if she heard that from a student she would report it to the school
Social worker to see if more intervention is needed. OP this is a girl I. Lu edgy. She needs privacy and clear agency to determine boundaries between her body and other men including family members.

So how would you feel about her sleeping with her mother not “other men”?

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who did this with his 12 year old. While. Or I g sexual was going on, it’s still not culturally appropriate here in the US. I have even heard a teacher tell me that if she heard that from a student she would report it to the school
Social worker to see if more intervention is needed. OP this is a girl I. Lu edgy. She needs privacy and clear agency to determine boundaries between her body and other men including family members.

The big issue here is that OP is freaking out about this. Hence that she is perceiving this as a threat to her position in fiancee's priorities. She can claim whatever she wants, this reaction signals jealousy. Like plain competition with his DD. Rather than approach it sensibly and really see it as what it is, some insecurity on parts of her fiance, his ex and future step daughter. That part is not ok at all. Child is not at fault for anything here. Yes, parents are not creating a good night time situation for their kid, there is no doubt of that. You need to realize that your fiance will most likely always choose his DD over you, his reaction to your freak out has been, well, to pacify you like he would his child. The fact that he does let her sleep with him(which should happen rarely, only if she is scared or sick) doesn't mean there is anything inappropriate at all in it. Your gut reaction is that there was, making you think it is somehow, somewhere in you mind, sexual. Give it a couple of days and you fiance will realize this too, and hopefully ditch you asap. You should break it up with him anyway, if you are not able to understand that he has a child, that this child needs attention, that some things will not be to your cup of tea, and that you are acting worse than his messed up ex and more insecure than his preteen DD, this is not a marriage for you and for him. Here is a simple way how married parents react to child climbing in their bed... "Honey ,come here, mom and dad are here for you." I acknowledge that both your fiance and his ex are creating insane codependency in their child. That is not healthy. However, your reaction in plain and simple jealousy, there is not doubt of that. You can try to sugarcoat it but it is what it is. You are jealous, probably sexually too. That is a messed up gut reaction to the situation

Anonymous wrote:So my fiance and I are arguing over him sleeping in the same bed with his 12 year old daughter at night.

He thinks it's OK for her to sleep in his bed all night.

I am not OK with this.

Am I overreacting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The big issue here is that OP is freaking out about this. Hence that she is perceiving this as a threat to her position in fiancee's priorities. She can claim whatever she wants, this reaction signals jealousy. Like plain competition with his DD. Rather than approach it sensibly and really see it as what it is, some insecurity on parts of her fiance, his ex and future step daughter. That part is not ok at all. Child is not at fault for anything here. Yes, parents are not creating a good night time situation for their kid, there is no doubt of that. You need to realize that your fiance will most likely always choose his DD over you, his reaction to your freak out has been, well, to pacify you like he would his child. The fact that he does let her sleep with him(which should happen rarely, only if she is scared or sick) doesn't mean there is anything inappropriate at all in it. Your gut reaction is that there was, making you think it is somehow, somewhere in you mind, sexual. Give it a couple of days and you fiance will realize this too, and hopefully ditch you asap. You should break it up with him anyway, if you are not able to understand that he has a child, that this child needs attention, that some things will not be to your cup of tea, and that you are acting worse than his messed up ex and more insecure than his preteen DD, this is not a marriage for you and for him. Here is a simple way how married parents react to child climbing in their bed... "Honey ,come here, mom and dad are here for you." I acknowledge that both your fiance and his ex are creating insane codependency in their child. That is not healthy. However, your reaction in plain and simple jealousy, there is not doubt of that. You can try to sugarcoat it but it is what it is. You are jealous, probably sexually too. That is a messed up gut reaction to the situation.

You are disturbed and lacking appropriate boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:

This is an existing family. You don’t get to come in and change it to matches your preferences without major consequences for all the relationships involved.