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Anonymous wrote:I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing.

I never say that, but team MIL if that's what you're cooking tomorrow. It's fine to have that IN ADDITION TO the traditional turkey dinner, but if there aren't some of the standards, you suck.

NP here. I totally disagree. You cook, you get to decide what to serve. The standards are boring anyway.

Don't host Thanksgiving if you don't want to host Thanksgiving. Especially if you know that people will be disappointed, as surely OP knows her MIL will be.

We need to make this a DCUM sticky. The Thanksgiving meal is turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce. You can add on whatever you want to that, but if you’re hosting on this holiday, that’s what you’re expected to serve. If you’re not going to serve those things, you need to tell people ahead of time so they can decide for themselves if they’re willing to forego the traditional holiday meal. You don’t get to make that decision for them.

And even if they come and act gracious about it, know that they're not actually happy to have lasagna for Thanksgiving.

Lasagna? I said I was serving food inspired by native peoples. You know, the food that was actually served at the first thanksgiving. Last I checked my history books, there wasn’t a large Italian population present at the time.

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Anonymous wrote:I still want to know what indigenous people’s food is.

I’m not doing anything crazy. Still having turkey, but cooking it on the grill with chiles. Mashed squash instead of potatoes. Stuffing made from homemade cornbread. I was going to do authentic indigenous food- the area we live in has Navajo, Apache, and Pueblo populations- but toned it down for my ILs. I’m not a fan of thanksgiving in general because of what it represents and thought this was a nice compromise.

Next year the plan is to make good using only native foods I’ve grown, foraged, or hunted myself

Nothing like using a holiday to teach people a lesson.

Anonymous wrote:I still want to know what indigenous people’s food is.

I’m not doing anything crazy. Still having turkey, but cooking it on the grill with chiles. Mashed squash instead of potatoes. Stuffing made from homemade cornbread. I was going to do authentic indigenous food- the area we live in has Navajo, Apache, and Pueblo populations- but toned it down for my ILs. I’m not a fan of thanksgiving in general because of what it represents and thought this was a nice compromise.

Next year the plan is to make good using only native foods I’ve grown, foraged, or hunted myself

My MIL always acts like she's the hostess even when she's just a guest. Especially at my house.

"Tim, there's coffee." (Yes, coffee I made, in my home, and Tim has two eyes and a nose and can already tell that there is coffee.)

"Everyone, go to the table and we'll say the prayer." (Actually, my husband is trying to round people up to the living room and has a plan of something that will make everyone more comfortable--not everyone in our family/friend group is of the same religion/or believes in a higher power.)

"Let's start cutting the pies" (actually, we prefer to wait at least an hour to get a head start on the dishes and give people a little time to digest and get ready for the dessert phase)

DH finally a few years ago asked her to move out of my seat at the end of the table. She always sat opposite him until finally he said, "Mom, that's Anna's seat."

I still want to know what indigenous people’s food is.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing.

I never say that, but team MIL if that's what you're cooking tomorrow. It's fine to have that IN ADDITION TO the traditional turkey dinner, but if there aren't some of the standards, you suck.

NP here. I totally disagree. You cook, you get to decide what to serve. The standards are boring anyway.

Don't host Thanksgiving if you don't want to host Thanksgiving. Especially if you know that people will be disappointed, as surely OP knows her MIL will be.

We need to make this a DCUM sticky. The Thanksgiving meal is turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce. You can add on whatever you want to that, but if you’re hosting on this holiday, that’s what you’re expected to serve. If you’re not going to serve those things, you need to tell people ahead of time so they can decide for themselves if they’re willing to forego the traditional holiday meal. You don’t get to make that decision for them.

And even if they come and act gracious about it, know that they're not actually happy to have lasagna for Thanksgiving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing.

I never say that, but team MIL if that's what you're cooking tomorrow. It's fine to have that IN ADDITION TO the traditional turkey dinner, but if there aren't some of the standards, you suck.

NP here. I totally disagree. You cook, you get to decide what to serve. The standards are boring anyway.

Don't host Thanksgiving if you don't want to host Thanksgiving. Especially if you know that people will be disappointed, as surely OP knows her MIL will be.

We need to make this a DCUM sticky. The Thanksgiving meal is turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce. You can add on whatever you want to that, but if you’re hosting on this holiday, that’s what you’re expected to serve. If you’re not going to serve those things, you need to tell people ahead of time so they can decide for themselves if they’re willing to forego the traditional holiday meal. You don’t get to make that decision for them.

Anonymous wrote:We’re having Thanksgiving with another family member but for the days we are staying with MIL she made enough of one meal to last us the next couple days (lunch and dinner) so she won’t have to do any cooking. MIL knows it’s a meal that 3/4s of us don’t like.

Go out for dinner or order take-out.

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Anonymous wrote:FIL put an entire head of butter lettuce, piece by piece, in our drain board. Like, draped it over the drain board. I quickly moved it to a colander, saying I wasn't sure when the last time we washed the drain board was.

He got offfeeeennnnndeeedddd.

A drain board like the rack you put over the sink to drain stuff on? Seems like an appropriate place for washed lettuce leaves to drain. And nice of him to try to help. What am I missing?

You're missing that a drain board is not throroughly washed every time it is used, the way a colander is. You're missing that there is no reason to use something the way it wasn't meant to be used when the right tool for the job is at hand.

Are you freaking out because of the romain lettuce thing? Because, otherwise, I think hanging leaves drain better than ones wadded up together in a colander. Unless you have a salad spinner.

Eeeeew. Sinks are dirtier than toilets. Unless you bleach your sink after every use, it’s like putting your food in the toilet.

Oh, well, yes, we do squirt a bleach spray around the sink after washing the dishes after every meal.

So yeah, if later, someone had to undo my "work" rinsing the lettuce because their sink is typically not bleached, I would be ticked too. Actually, I would be fine with it, because it was clearly not my problem, if it was their choice to keep a dirty sink, but if they showed attitude because THEY had a dirty sink, yeah, that's not cool.

I also would have thought they did not care much about cleanliness, if they did not keep their sink clean. So their reaction to the lettuce would seem like an incongruous overreaction to me. If they cared about cleanliness, why wasn't the sink clean to begin with?

Here's hoping you have a day full of good things so you don't need to harp on this more.

Anonymous wrote:We drove 6 hours to be here at my in-laws’. Was informed upon arriving that the cat has been peeing in the guest room. They tried to clean up, but there is no masking that smell. Its giving me a headache.

I hope you are writing this from the nearest Hampton Inn. Because that is exactly what I would be doing.

Anonymous wrote:Invited for heavy breakfast tomorrow. To start off the most calorific day of the year.

You are in charge of what, and how much, to put in your mouth. If you haven't yet figured out how to taste everything but eat nothing, now is a good day to practice. Or eat a normal portion of only the scrambled eggs and fruit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FIL put an entire head of butter lettuce, piece by piece, in our drain board. Like, draped it over the drain board. I quickly moved it to a colander, saying I wasn't sure when the last time we washed the drain board was.

He got offfeeeennnnndeeedddd.

A drain board like the rack you put over the sink to drain stuff on? Seems like an appropriate place for washed lettuce leaves to drain. And nice of him to try to help. What am I missing?

You're missing that a drain board is not throroughly washed every time it is used, the way a colander is. You're missing that there is no reason to use something the way it wasn't meant to be used when the right tool for the job is at hand.

Are you freaking out because of the romain lettuce thing? Because, otherwise, I think hanging leaves drain better than ones wadded up together in a colander. Unless you have a salad spinner.

I do, indeed have a salad spinner. Which was laid out next to hte cutting board, knife and colander.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have much to complain about, but my ILs don’t seem to like my cooking or the local cuisine. They’ve barely eaten anything and apparently my MIL cried because she didn’t like her meal. Tomorrow should be interesting because everything I’m cooking is inspired by indigenous peoples’ food, so it’s definitely not the standard turkey/mashed potatoes/stuffing.

I never say that, but team MIL if that's what you're cooking tomorrow. It's fine to have that IN ADDITION TO the traditional turkey dinner, but if there aren't some of the standards, you suck.

NP here. I totally disagree. You cook, you get to decide what to serve. The standards are boring anyway.

Don't host Thanksgiving if you don't want to host Thanksgiving. Especially if you know that people will be disappointed, as surely OP knows her MIL will be.

I really had no idea this would be an issue. I even asked ahead of time for requests and no one gave me any. And it’s not just thanksgiving dinner, everything else I’ve made has been an issue. The restaurants we go to have been an issue.

I don’t think they are intentionally trying to start drama, they’ve been very polite. I feel terrible because my MIL *cried* after dinner tonight. I feel terrible that they are hungry and don’t like my food or the restaurants we recommended. We just have very different tastes.

When you asked for requests, did you tell them then that you did not plan to make the traditional dinner? If not, they probably assumed you were serving "the basics," and felt no need to specifically say, "mashed potatoes are important to me on Thanksgiving."

I really think you should have made it clear. People look forward to this all year.

Last year Combo of flight and 4 hour drive to see mil. Arrived around lunchtime, thanksgiving day. She announced that we should go to McDonald’s if we were hungry for lunch.

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Anonymous wrote:We drove 6 hours to be here at my in-laws’. Was informed upon arriving that the cat has been peeing in the guest room. They tried to clean up, but there is no masking that smell. Its giving me a headache.

Ewww. Sorry, PP, it's disgusting! Any chance you can spend the night at a hotel?

We just now checked into the nearest motel. I feel guilty...they are such nice people and I don't want to hurt their feelings. But I was so ill being in there, I don't think I would have been functional for all the Thanksgiving plans if we'd slept in that room (we will be back at their house tomorrow starting with breakfast). My husband actually insisted we leave because he knew I was getting sick, but he has the world's least sensitive nose and I feel like I'm the high maintenance one. Ugh. In any case, thanks for the support.