Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

the male strategy for online dating is "spam every remotely attractive woman and see if she responds."

Online dating? That’s how we try to succeed at dating period.

Yes but online dating greatly increases the ability to spam. Responding to ads is easy, quick, cost-free, and incurs no risk of personal face-to-face rejection. You can approach hundreds of women online in one night, versus maybe ten or twenty women if you were doing it in person.

And from a woman's perspective, it is wading through lots of lots of responses. Respond only to men you are interested in. Don't feel obligated to respond to everyone since most men spam and don't bother reading what you say in the ad.

Anonymous wrote:

the male strategy for online dating is "spam every remotely attractive woman and see if she responds."

Online dating? That’s how we try to succeed at dating period.

Yes but online dating greatly increases the ability to spam. Responding to ads is easy, quick, cost-free, and incurs no risk of personal face-to-face rejection. You can approach hundreds of women online in one night, versus maybe ten or twenty women if you were doing it in person.

the male strategy for online dating is "spam every remotely attractive woman and see if she responds."

Online dating? That’s how we try to succeed at dating period.

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your strategy in wading through suitors. If you're willing to go on bad dates, it makes sense to chose a strategy that gets the most men interested in your profile. This is probably a combination of really good pics and not too much information that makes you seem picky, so lots of guys respond and you can pick. But if you're too busy for that and just want guys that fit exactly what you want, say what you want, and see how guys respond. I say this as someone who strongly preferred the former because so many people online lie or have no sense of self-awareness that I liked doing all my judging in person. But that did require a lot of dates where I met someone and said no way in my mind very fast.

Your strategy doesn't matter. Because the male strategy for online dating is "spam every remotely attractive woman and see if she responds." Don't waste your time trying to fine-tune your profile to get guys that "fit exactly what you want." Even guys who are the total opposite of what you want - which is most of them online tbh - are going to respond to your ad.

Just be honest and say you are seeking a one night a week long term FWB situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To the person who said seeing each other once a week is "boring" … That's about how much time I can spare on the regular.

Well, it's not that seeing each other once a week is boring, it's the fact that you are letting someone (who potentially wants a romance with you) know that you'll be around only for 3-4 times a month. That's so dry and unromantic and makes it seem like there's nothing to really look forward to.
I don't know if you realize how hard it will be to connect with people who you see so sporadically.

Seems like you're looking more for a companionship. And that's probably an older age group or much older.

OP here, thank you.

I'm currently in a 2-year relationship where my partner and I see each other about once a week. We've had a very romantic relationship, but now he has to move to the west coast and I'm not able or inclined to do the same. It sounds like you're suggesting this kind of relationship is really unusual? I'd never thought so until this thread

Also — I'm 50. When you suggest that it's an "older age group" that might be into this arrangement, how much older than 50s were you thinking?

You'll see that once you're on line, you'll be mostly approached by 60 year olds or older. Of course there's always some men in their 50's who would date their own age but it's rare and it has to line up with what ever you want. I wouldn't really insist on that arrangement, just focus on meeting a quality man and go from there.

Depends what the OP looks like. If she's a fit, attractive 50, then men in their early 50s will be amenable to an arrangement with her.

Agree. Depends on how you look in your photos. I’m a little older and set my age range from 25-55 and got hundreds of likes/superlikes and I stated my real age. Recent photos - face and full body, selfies even. Gasp! Went out on dates mostly with men in their early thirties, the very attractive, interesting ones since I was seeking an arrangement similar to OP DC is a transient town with lots of newcomers trying to meet people and yup, they wanted to take me out and have a companion to take along to dinner, movie and events, etc including work related stuff where you want to bring a date.

My tip is good pics. You don’t need to say anything in your profile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To the person who said seeing each other once a week is "boring" … That's about how much time I can spare on the regular.

Well, it's not that seeing each other once a week is boring, it's the fact that you are letting someone (who potentially wants a romance with you) know that you'll be around only for 3-4 times a month. That's so dry and unromantic and makes it seem like there's nothing to really look forward to.
I don't know if you realize how hard it will be to connect with people who you see so sporadically.

Seems like you're looking more for a companionship. And that's probably an older age group or much older.

OP here, thank you.

I'm currently in a 2-year relationship where my partner and I see each other about once a week. We've had a very romantic relationship, but now he has to move to the west coast and I'm not able or inclined to do the same. It sounds like you're suggesting this kind of relationship is really unusual? I'd never thought so until this thread

Also — I'm 50. When you suggest that it's an "older age group" that might be into this arrangement, how much older than 50s were you thinking?

You'll see that once you're on line, you'll be mostly approached by 60 year olds or older. Of course there's always some men in their 50's who would date their own age but it's rare and it has to line up with what ever you want. I wouldn't really insist on that arrangement, just focus on meeting a quality man and go from there.

Depends what the OP looks like. If she's a fit, attractive 50, then men in their early 50s will be amenable to an arrangement with her.

Agree. Depends on how you look in your photos. I’m a little older and set my age range from 25-55 and got hundreds of likes/superlikes and I stated my real age. Recent photos - face and full body, selfies even. Gasp! Went out on dates mostly with men in their early thirties, the very attractive, interesting ones since I was seeking an arrangement similar to OP DC is a transient town with lots of newcomers trying to meet people and yup, they wanted to take me out and have a companion to take along to dinner, movie and events, etc including work related stuff where you want to bring a date.

It depends on your strategy in wading through suitors. If you're willing to go on bad dates, it makes sense to chose a strategy that gets the most men interested in your profile. This is probably a combination of really good pics and not too much information that makes you seem picky, so lots of guys respond and you can pick. But if you're too busy for that and just want guys that fit exactly what you want, say what you want, and see how guys respond. I say this as someone who strongly preferred the former because so many people online lie or have no sense of self-awareness that I liked doing all my judging in person. But that did require a lot of dates where I met someone and said no way in my mind very fast.

51yo male. I have this arrangement. We even love each other, but our lives too complex to fully be together. Works well. You can do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I also won't do hookups, or 1st date/2nd date sex.

If you actually say this, men will think that you do lots of hookups and 1st/2nd date sex. On dating profiles, "no hookups" is pretty much a code phrase that means exactly the opposite.

NP and also new to online dating. Is this really true, and how did we get to “no hookups” meaning “hey y’all, I want sex on the first date”?

What are you supposed to say instead?

I want to know they’re not axe murderers before I join them behind closed doors.

My ad literally says: "I'm an axe murderer but I won't chop you up if the sex is good."

Anonymous wrote:

I also won't do hookups, or 1st date/2nd date sex.

If you actually say this, men will think that you do lots of hookups and 1st/2nd date sex. On dating profiles, "no hookups" is pretty much a code phrase that means exactly the opposite.

NP and also new to online dating. Is this really true, and how did we get to “no hookups” meaning “hey y’all, I want sex on the first date”?

What are you supposed to say instead?

I want to know they’re not axe murderers before I join them behind closed doors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To the person who said seeing each other once a week is "boring" … That's about how much time I can spare on the regular.

Well, it's not that seeing each other once a week is boring, it's the fact that you are letting someone (who potentially wants a romance with you) know that you'll be around only for 3-4 times a month. That's so dry and unromantic and makes it seem like there's nothing to really look forward to.
I don't know if you realize how hard it will be to connect with people who you see so sporadically.

Seems like you're looking more for a companionship. And that's probably an older age group or much older.

OP here, thank you.

I'm currently in a 2-year relationship where my partner and I see each other about once a week. We've had a very romantic relationship, but now he has to move to the west coast and I'm not able or inclined to do the same. It sounds like you're suggesting this kind of relationship is really unusual? I'd never thought so until this thread

Also — I'm 50. When you suggest that it's an "older age group" that might be into this arrangement, how much older than 50s were you thinking?

It sounds like you are going to miss him. I don’t know that he is going to be so easy to replace, even if you find another man to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping that this 1X date night will evolve to include once a week sex or are you mainly looking for male companionship to eat out, go to movies, maybe dancing etc with? Or are you looking for a once a week night out on the town followed by sex and nothing more?

You know you don't want the relationship to progress to the next level of LTR but what level of involvement are you looking for?

Thank you for the clarifying questions. I am looking for a guy who will want to go out at night once a week on some sort of date (arts, dining, rock climbing in the summer). Then we come home and have sex. Maybe spend the night, or not, depending on work schedules. Once or twice a year, we take a week-long trip together. If schedules allow, maybe we get together for a second time during the same week and cook a meal together, jog with his dog, whatever.

To the person who said seeing each other once a week is "boring" … That's about how much time I can spare on the regular. Serious question that I don't mean to sound defensive: are there really 50 year old women out there in DC who have a lot more time than that to socialize in the evening?

Um, yes. I am 48, no kids at home and can spend my evenings doing whatever, whenever. Are you unable to envisions situations different than yours?

That's fantastic. Do you have tweens or teens who live at home with you? If so, do they have no activities that require your presence/driving? Do you guys like to eat dinner together?

Reading is fundamental.

It wasn't really a question. The contrast is too strong. A woman without kids at home insist that's it's easy to have a lot of free time in the evenings. The OP has to service her kids and prefers dinners with them.

Then perhaps she shouldn't have asked this question -- Serious question that I don't mean to sound defensive: are there really 50 year old women out there in DC who have a lot more time than that to socialize in the evening?

Because obviously there are, as PP noted and OP made it seem like that was an impossibility, that it just could NOT be.

I read it as a rhetorical question.
Also, it didn’t sound impossible, just highly unlikely that a woman with teenagers at home will have the same amout of time as a single woman without kids.

No need to be catty.

I am a 55 year old divorced man with adult children and I think the OP's idea sounds great.


Uppost someone wrote great summary (e.g., I am looking for ____ and love to spend one night a week enjoying someone's company for dinner, etc.) My children are adults now (well, they think they are adults); however, I understand what it takes in terms of time to be a single parent. I also understand that having someone there for social fun time (including sex) make life much better.

I work fairly long hours (tax work for an international accounting firm) and dating someone in this type of arrangement would be great in that I could plan to be free on my night with her and not worry on the nights when I need to work late or travel.

In addition, a single woman in her early 50s with kids would definitely show up in my search results and I would not worry too much about men my age who want to date much younger. OP - my final thought is to suggest that you reach out to men you find interesting. I feel the most comfortable contacting women who have contacted me first since I know I will not be wasting my time.

Best of luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you hoping that this 1X date night will evolve to include once a week sex or are you mainly looking for male companionship to eat out, go to movies, maybe dancing etc with? Or are you looking for a once a week night out on the town followed by sex and nothing more?

You know you don't want the relationship to progress to the next level of LTR but what level of involvement are you looking for?

Thank you for the clarifying questions. I am looking for a guy who will want to go out at night once a week on some sort of date (arts, dining, rock climbing in the summer). Then we come home and have sex. Maybe spend the night, or not, depending on work schedules. Once or twice a year, we take a week-long trip together. If schedules allow, maybe we get together for a second time during the same week and cook a meal together, jog with his dog, whatever.

To the person who said seeing each other once a week is "boring" … That's about how much time I can spare on the regular. Serious question that I don't mean to sound defensive: are there really 50 year old women out there in DC who have a lot more time than that to socialize in the evening?

Um, yes. I am 48, no kids at home and can spend my evenings doing whatever, whenever. Are you unable to envisions situations different than yours?

That's fantastic. Do you have tweens or teens who live at home with you? If so, do they have no activities that require your presence/driving? Do you guys like to eat dinner together?

Reading is fundamental.

It wasn't really a question. The contrast is too strong. A woman without kids at home insist that's it's easy to have a lot of free time in the evenings. The OP has to service her kids and prefers dinners with them.

Then perhaps she shouldn't have asked this question -- Serious question that I don't mean to sound defensive: are there really 50 year old women out there in DC who have a lot more time than that to socialize in the evening?

Because obviously there are, as PP noted and OP made it seem like that was an impossibility, that it just could NOT be.