I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive marriage and didn’t know it. It manifested itself in unexplained weight gain! I would eat normal calories and exercise and still gain. I would diet and not lose. Now I know it is because ai felt unloved and judged. I also had a whole slew of issues. Thyroid, ovarian cysts, nonstop migraines. My insecurity and unhappiness in my marriage manifested physically. Once we divorced—his initiation— I lost all the weight without even trying, my thyroid and PCOS self-corrected, and my migraines are rare.

I was dating this wonderful guy for a while, and despite him
not caring and me not trying, I kept losing weight. I just was so fulfilled and loved that all the ynhealthy stuff I did to fill the void before were not tempting. Sadly, we went our separate ways. But, I learned a lot in that relationship. I am thinner and healthier when I am secure and happy.

Anonymous wrote:Mine has gained slowly over 10 years and then rapidly over the past two years. Just curious how others approach this? I know it’s a hard subject to discuss with the person who has gained? Do you still have sex or are still attracted to this person?

100 pounds is EXTREME and indicates serious underlying medical and/or physiological issues. Time to engage your spouses doctor on the qt and let them address the issues.

Mine gained 10-15 lbs a year. I did everything I could to be supportive from adopting the same diet to going to aerobics if she asked. It only made her feel worse because I'd lose weight and she'd keep gaining. She'd binge eat at work. I tried to pretend it didn't bother me once I realized how bad she felt about herself. I told her she was beautiful, surprised her with gifts, and tried to make her feel desired, but it got to a point where I couldn't get aroused by her. In fact, her getting undressed would have the opposite effect. I always tried to put it on me and make up an excuse. I told her I thought I had ED, but she never bought it. We stopped having sex regularly around the fifth or sixth year. By then, she'd gained well over 100 pounds. I never stopped loving her. I just wasn't physically attracted to her. We divorced about five years later. We're still close.

Anonymous wrote:I’d filel for divorce asap!

If I gained 100, I'd want to die.

100 pounds is a lot. I'm not saying that it's grounds for divorce but physically, that's not the same person. Of course everyone changes with age but you actually have some control over gaining that much weight. 10-20lbs over time, yes...100lbs hell no.

I would be understanding and try and help as much as I could.

I think people don’t realize how genetic these things are. I personally have been a size 0 my whole life and my siblings are also very thin. None of us workout or diet. I lost all my baby weight within three weeks of giving birth. The problem is that people ascribe moral failings to people’s weight....I would be happy being fat because everyone in my familial line, while thin, seems to get cancer. So genes are a bitch.

When my weight fluctuates between 5-10lb gain I feel like sh@t about myself and don't feel like my DH would be attracted to me. Can't imagine 100. You couldn't even get very creative in bed with all that extra pudge.

DH gained 70lbs. We still had regular sex during that period. I never mentioned his weight, and if he ever brought it up, I listened. I don't think I'll ever find him unattractive. He has always been a good husband/father, and I would never want to hurt him or make him feel ashamed. After a couple years, he was motivated to get back in shape, and lost the weight.

I’d filel for divorce asap!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife gained about a 100lbs during and after pregnancy. When she lost the weight she thanked me for never losing the passion/desire. Not hard to do because she is always a rockstar in bed. She could gain the weight again and I wouldn’t look at her any differently.

wife had a tough pregnancy and pickup a few lbs. and over the last 21 years we have both picked up extra lbs. as much as I'd love to be 140lbs again like i was when I was 23. or my wife to be 120 like she was before she got pregnant. just not in the cards. we both aren't as active as we once were. We both enjoy food and liquor...

I'm still attracted to her and while I'd love to have more sex we have PIV at least once every two weeks, and get BJ and HJ at least once a week...

... you're man who *wants* to be 140 lbs?!

I sure has shit don't want to be the 220 lbs that I am now... I was always kind of "wirey' kind of guy. runner and golfer...

I honestly don't know what I would do, but it isn't just the weight. I think if my DH gained 100 pounds, he'd feel so ill, he would not be in the mood for sex or much else. (He is a cyclist, so for him specifically it would have to be some sort of an illness, mental or physical.)

Yeah, it would not be attractive, but if somehow he maintained a good mood/energy, 100 pounds may be overlooked. Unfortunately, it's not just the weight gain, a lot of times it comes together with depression, bad habits, lack of energy, and none of those are attractive.

(As for me, I've maybe gained 15-20 pounds in last 10 years, since we had kids, and it doesn't seem to have posed a problem. But again, I'm not depressed or sluggish, still exercise, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife gained about a 100lbs during and after pregnancy. When she lost the weight she thanked me for never losing the passion/desire. Not hard to do because she is always a rockstar in bed. She could gain the weight again and I wouldn’t look at her any differently.

wife had a tough pregnancy and pickup a few lbs. and over the last 21 years we have both picked up extra lbs. as much as I'd love to be 140lbs again like i was when I was 23. or my wife to be 120 like she was before she got pregnant. just not in the cards. we both aren't as active as we once were. We both enjoy food and liquor...

I'm still attracted to her and while I'd love to have more sex we have PIV at least once every two weeks, and get BJ and HJ at least once a week...

You are a male who would like to be 140lbs????????

So he can fit in his skinny jeans (shudder)

Anonymous wrote:I gained about 90 lbs pregnant. DH never said a word and we had an active sex life until DB was born and we were just too tired, picked up sex life again after about 6 months. Took me about 2 years after DC’s birth to get back to 115 lbs. it’s been 12 years and I gain 5 and lose 5 lbs but never have gone above 120 lbs.

What does your skin look like?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife gained about a 100lbs during and after pregnancy. When she lost the weight she thanked me for never losing the passion/desire. Not hard to do because she is always a rockstar in bed. She could gain the weight again and I wouldn’t look at her any differently.

wife had a tough pregnancy and pickup a few lbs. and over the last 21 years we have both picked up extra lbs. as much as I'd love to be 140lbs again like i was when I was 23. or my wife to be 120 like she was before she got pregnant. just not in the cards. we both aren't as active as we once were. We both enjoy food and liquor...

I'm still attracted to her and while I'd love to have more sex we have PIV at least once every two weeks, and get BJ and HJ at least once a week...

You are a male who would like to be 140lbs????????

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully DW is in great shape and even if she gained some it wouldn't matter to me. I loved her body when it was pre DCs and after. She looks better today at 40 then when we married.
I did have a LTR with a girl that put on probably 100 pounds. I tried to get her to exercise with me but she wouldn't. She would eat like crazy. One time out to dinner she ate everything on her plate and what was left on mine, then ordered dessert.
Things didn't last long after that. I didn't enjoy sex with her shirt on

You sound incredibly shallow.

how is that shallow? MOST people are not attracted to a partner who gains 100lbs. he is just being honest.

+1000 not shallow. who likes slobs?