Agree that OP's DD was doing the best she could at that moment.

One thing OP might want to discuss with DD: there are some people that you do not mess with. Sounds like this "adult" mom is one of them. It is not wise to tangle with people--but, I can understand that she knew the girl should not be there--and felt she needed to alert someone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

There's a lot of guessing here. A kid gets in crap at school and suddenly she has a mental health issue or disability.

OP's daughter was worried and spoke to someone she trusts. She didn't go around gossiping.

She spoke to a kid with zero authority to resolve the issue; if she thought that was the best solution to an unsafe situation, she’s not that bright. My kids knew when they were half her age that if there’s danger, you find an adult, not another kid.

DP.
How nasty you are to slam the DD as not bright. She found a teenager--not another child her own age. The teen was there as a helper. Of course she saw the teen as an older person who was nearest to her at that moment. Whether the teen had any authority to DO anything isn't relevant--what's relevant is that the DD was doing the best she knew IN THAT MOMENT when she, a child with no experience handling any situation remotely like this, was scared and worried and didn't know where to turn. The fact that some posters keep coming here to paint the DD as a mean gossip is just vicious and these posters seem to want to ignore how grave the expelled girl's threats were (rape and death threats, people). How can anyone want to defend the parent for threatening the DD with suing her? That parent should have known not to bring her expelled child into the school, period, and exercised horrible judgement in speaking to the OP's DD at all. If the parent was there to pick up her other kid, she should have picked up and left and not engaged. Going all mama bear on a kid just shows that her own child's lack of impulse control may be something she gets from mom.

So many posters who think their own kids would have done everything perfectly in such a situation. Bull.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your DD ran her mouth a little and was out of line. She doesn't know the circumstances around Larla, and she has probably erroneously assumed she wasn't allowed to be there. Had she just kept her mouth shut instead of raising a bunch of drama, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be fretting about a reply from the principal.

I agree. Your daughter needs to mind her own business.

I'm not the OP, and I can see that maybe the daughter should have not talked to a high school student about this, but do you honestly think a situation where an adult tells a middle school kid that she's going to sue her is okay? Especially when her daughter has been punished for threats?

There would have been no threat if the OP’s daughter would have not been talking about the other student.

Ah, the "she made me do it" defense. What nonsense.

I agree that as a principal, I'd be most concerned in this situation about a parent confronting a student and threatening her on school premises. That the parent's daughter had previously been expelled (or, to placate the alternative theory PPs, "received an alternative placement due to mental health issues") for making threats would make me even more concerned.

I wonder what would happen if OP grabbed a directory and called the other parent to say, "Sounds like maybe my child did something to offend you or your kid. I'd like to here more about what happened, because what she told me sounds like it isn't so feasible.Can you meet me at __ for coffee this week? If I need to redirect my child I'd like more information," because in this scenario, the expectation is that the principal will act as a conflict resolver, over the weekend, towards a family who they have already kicked out of school.
A parent to parent solution may work better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

There's a lot of guessing here. A kid gets in crap at school and suddenly she has a mental health issue or disability.

OP's daughter was worried and spoke to someone she trusts. She didn't go around gossiping.

She spoke to a kid with zero authority to resolve the issue; if she thought that was the best solution to an unsafe situation, she’s not that bright. My kids knew when they were half her age that if there’s danger, you find an adult, not another kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

There's a lot of guessing here. A kid gets in crap at school and suddenly she has a mental health issue or disability.

OP's daughter was worried and spoke to someone she trusts. She didn't go around gossiping.

I don't think the student who reported seeing the other student was "talking shit" about him or her. It sounds to me like she was being smart and safe. If a kid makes a threat against others, they should expect for people to react strongly. The mother should NEVER have brought the student who made the threat to the school event. If anything, when the student reported seeing the banned kid, the adults around should have called the police. Enough of the "oh the poor mom of the special needs kid" bull shit. Kids who threaten others aren't special needs, they are criminals and don't belong in regular society.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your DD ran her mouth a little and was out of line. She doesn't know the circumstances around Larla, and she has probably erroneously assumed she wasn't allowed to be there. Had she just kept her mouth shut instead of raising a bunch of drama, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be fretting about a reply from the principal.

I agree. Your daughter needs to mind her own business.

I'm not the OP, and I can see that maybe the daughter should have not talked to a high school student about this, but do you honestly think a situation where an adult tells a middle school kid that she's going to sue her is okay? Especially when her daughter has been punished for threats?

Np. I think it's fine for an adult to tell a kid she's out of line. If you heard a 13 year old talking shit about your child, what would you do? OP's child does not know the whole story of why larla was arrested, and therefore should not be talking about her to other students. And if she chooses to do so, she can expect the other mom to confront her.

This is just a learning experience for op and her daughter. Nothing more, nothing less.

Btw, op says some things that cause me to think she's not credible: her claim to know all the details about Larla's offenses AND punishment; her claim that NONE of the other students knew Larla had a sister at the same school; her claim that the principal told her that Larla's mom shouldn't have been in the position to talk to her DD (that's not logical, there's no rules that a parent can't talk to a child). Not credible.

? It is very, very common for middle and high school-aged kids to be aware of threats made against the school or specific kids by students (because sadly, they're often made publicly on social media or in other kid-accessible forums). OP didn't say she knew the punishment--she said she knew what the disciplinary code said the punishment was, and assumed they had followed it. In our district, kids who are expelled for safety violations are not permitted on campus until/unless they are readmitted.

There are several kids at our child's school who don't share the same last names, and I wouldn't necessarily know they were related if I didn't happen to know their families. That doesn't sound particularly odd at a large school, particularly if the sibling is younger so the two were never enrolled at the same time. And all schools that I'm familiar with have policies that require parents coming into the school to sign in with administrators first, and not to come directly into an event. I think that's more common than not these days. I'm guessing this school has the same policy but just wasn't following it for whatever reason, hence the principal's comment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your DD ran her mouth a little and was out of line. She doesn't know the circumstances around Larla, and she has probably erroneously assumed she wasn't allowed to be there. Had she just kept her mouth shut instead of raising a bunch of drama, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be fretting about a reply from the principal.

I agree. Your daughter needs to mind her own business.

I'm not the OP, and I can see that maybe the daughter should have not talked to a high school student about this, but do you honestly think a situation where an adult tells a middle school kid that she's going to sue her is okay? Especially when her daughter has been punished for threats?

Np. I think it's fine for an adult to tell a kid she's out of line. If you heard a 13 year old talking shit about your child, what would you do? OP's child does not know the whole story of why larla was arrested, and therefore should not be talking about her to other students. And if she chooses to do so, she can expect the other mom to confront her.

This is just a learning experience for op and her daughter. Nothing more, nothing less.

Btw, op says some things that cause me to think she's not credible: her claim to know all the details about Larla's offenses AND punishment; her claim that NONE of the other students knew Larla had a sister at the same school; her claim that the principal told her that Larla's mom shouldn't have been in the position to talk to her DD (that's not logical, there's no rules that a parent can't talk to a child). Not credible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

No, sorry, Larla was not supposed to be there.
Larla was new to the district this fall from a neighboring district and the threats were made in the first weeks of school. There was no prior history with our district. Given the nature of the threats and some other interactions, yes you’re likely right that there are underlying mental health issues at play and I sure hope the child gets suitable placement and treatment.

This is the first and only person my DD has been worried about as a potential serious threat to safety. Does my child need more street smarts? You bet. She could have walked out of the event room and down the hall to find the teacher on duty. But she’s 13, weighing on her mind last week were the Pittsburgh shootings, and she’s still learning how to handle difficult situations. So in that moment she told the person nearest to her who she thought could guide her about her concern. I find it stunning that you and several other posters are far more forgiving of the ADULT in this situation who addressed the children in the manner she did, than the children themselves.

At any rate, I’m confident I made the right call in contacting the principal, and found him very responsive.

Are you basing all of this on gossip and speculation, or are you violating policy seventeen different ways because you have access to confidential information about Larla?

Different poster here, not OP: PP, are you also the poster above talking about how Larla may have a disability etc.? You seem extremely intensely invested in imagining this situation as one where Larla has a disability, OP's DD is a mean gossip and OP is throwing around cruel accusations based on illicitly obtained "confidential information." Certainly Larla does need mental health help since any kid who makes threats like she made is not well and deserves serious treatment. But your personal scenario that turns the DD into a horrible perpetrator instead of a scared kid, and OP into a victimizer, ignores everything OP has said -- and said calmly and reasonably.
OP, I'm glad the principal responded to you and seems to be on the ball about keeping students safe.

I think there's more than one of us who have expressed that possibility. I'm not "invested" in creating a scenario where "OP's DD is a mean gossip and OP is throwing around cruel accusations," I'm invested in raising the possibility that there could be more to the story than OP realizes. As the parent of a SN child who disability (physical, not mental) is not apparent on the surface and whose child has been subjected to ridicule over the years about things he cannot do the same as other kids, this is something I'm sensitive to. Even if I'm correct, though, I don't think OP's daughter is a "horrible perpetrator," but I do think she was perhaps careless/thoughtless in her gossip (which is not atypical for her age, but still something to talk to her about).

Either way, though, OP's daughter handled the situation poorly and OP should address that with her as a parent. The proper thing to do here would have been to find a supervising adult and discreetly ask for help. If OP is correct about Larla, this would have served the dual purpose of actually getting help (which the high school student couldn't provide) and not making a scene that caused the daughter to fear she herself would become a target. If OP is wrong, this would have avoided spreading disparaging gossip about a struggling child, and would have saved Larla's mother the hurt and embarrassment of hearing someone talk about her child that way.

I work with a wide range of children and am usually aligned with your perspective--don't assume, don't gossip. Be sensitive to struggling kids. But the details in this case are grim--death and rape threats directed specifically at kids and then a mom threatening to sue a kid. Makes my safety sensors go up. I do think OP should ask her daughter ideas for how she would handle a situation like this in the future (discreet talk to an adult) because it could be that she was amping up the drama/gossip and could use some reflection on that. Also making sure OP isn't also in any way amping up drama and outrage--especially against a troubled young kid. I didn't get a sense they were, but it's always hard to tell when only one side is presented.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect, the school to impose some sort of restraining order? Clearly your daughter was gossiping about the girl, and got caught. The girl has already been expelled, and was there WITH HER MOTHER. I think you need to calm down.

OP doesn't actually know the girl was expelled, she's guessing based on what she knows about policy. For all we know, there's an underlying mental health condition in play here, the parents had been pushing for a different placement for the child that could address her needs better but the school system resisted until the incidents OP mentioned. In that case, she likely wouldn't have been expelled and instead the school system would have expedited the transfer to avoid a lawsuit.

It would explain why Larla was there (no expulsion = not barred from school grounds), makes the other mom's response very understandable if she overheard a student spreading gossip about her struggling child, and would explain why the principal had to frame the response in terms of general security for everyone at pick-up rather than just saying the situation will be address -- the school may be concerned that this weekend's incident will give rise to a lawsuit by the girl's family against the school system and needs to comes up with a system that avoids interaction between Larla and the other students without being perceived as discriminating against Larla due disability.

No, sorry, Larla was not supposed to be there.
Larla was new to the district this fall from a neighboring district and the threats were made in the first weeks of school. There was no prior history with our district. Given the nature of the threats and some other interactions, yes you’re likely right that there are underlying mental health issues at play and I sure hope the child gets suitable placement and treatment.

This is the first and only person my DD has been worried about as a potential serious threat to safety. Does my child need more street smarts? You bet. She could have walked out of the event room and down the hall to find the teacher on duty. But she’s 13, weighing on her mind last week were the Pittsburgh shootings, and she’s still learning how to handle difficult situations. So in that moment she told the person nearest to her who she thought could guide her about her concern. I find it stunning that you and several other posters are far more forgiving of the ADULT in this situation who addressed the children in the manner she did, than the children themselves.

At any rate, I’m confident I made the right call in contacting the principal, and found him very responsive.

Are you basing all of this on gossip and speculation, or are you violating policy seventeen different ways because you have access to confidential information about Larla?

Different poster here, not OP: PP, are you also the poster above talking about how Larla may have a disability etc.? You seem extremely intensely invested in imagining this situation as one where Larla has a disability, OP's DD is a mean gossip and OP is throwing around cruel accusations based on illicitly obtained "confidential information." Certainly Larla does need mental health help since any kid who makes threats like she made is not well and deserves serious treatment. But your personal scenario that turns the DD into a horrible perpetrator instead of a scared kid, and OP into a victimizer, ignores everything OP has said -- and said calmly and reasonably.
OP, I'm glad the principal responded to you and seems to be on the ball about keeping students safe.

I think there's more than one of us who have expressed that possibility. I'm not "invested" in creating a scenario where "OP's DD is a mean gossip and OP is throwing around cruel accusations," I'm invested in raising the possibility that there could be more to the story than OP realizes. As the parent of a SN child who disability (physical, not mental) is not apparent on the surface and whose child has been subjected to ridicule over the years about things he cannot do the same as other kids, this is something I'm sensitive to. Even if I'm correct, though, I don't think OP's daughter is a "horrible perpetrator," but I do think she was perhaps careless/thoughtless in her gossip (which is not atypical for her age, but still something to talk to her about).

Either way, though, OP's daughter handled the situation poorly and OP should address that with her as a parent. The proper thing to do here would have been to find a supervising adult and discreetly ask for help. If OP is correct about Larla, this would have served the dual purpose of actually getting help (which the high school student couldn't provide) and not making a scene that caused the daughter to fear she herself would become a target. If OP is wrong, this would have avoided spreading disparaging gossip about a struggling child, and would have saved Larla's mother the hurt and embarrassment of hearing someone talk about her child that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your DD ran her mouth a little and was out of line. She doesn't know the circumstances around Larla, and she has probably erroneously assumed she wasn't allowed to be there. Had she just kept her mouth shut instead of raising a bunch of drama, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be fretting about a reply from the principal.

I agree. Your daughter needs to mind her own business.

I'm not the OP, and I can see that maybe the daughter should have not talked to a high school student about this, but do you honestly think a situation where an adult tells a middle school kid that she's going to sue her is okay? Especially when her daughter has been punished for threats?

There would have been no threat if the OP’s daughter would have not been talking about the other student.

Well, sure, but she was kid reacting to a situation. The adult's behavior is more troubling to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your DD ran her mouth a little and was out of line. She doesn't know the circumstances around Larla, and she has probably erroneously assumed she wasn't allowed to be there. Had she just kept her mouth shut instead of raising a bunch of drama, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be fretting about a reply from the principal.

I agree. Your daughter needs to mind her own business.

I'm not the OP, and I can see that maybe the daughter should have not talked to a high school student about this, but do you honestly think a situation where an adult tells a middle school kid that she's going to sue her is okay? Especially when her daughter has been punished for threats?

There would have been no threat if the OP’s daughter would have not been talking about the other student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I think your DD ran her mouth a little and was out of line. She doesn't know the circumstances around Larla, and she has probably erroneously assumed she wasn't allowed to be there. Had she just kept her mouth shut instead of raising a bunch of drama, none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be fretting about a reply from the principal.

I agree. Your daughter needs to mind her own business.

I'm not the OP, and I can see that maybe the daughter should have not talked to a high school student about this, but do you honestly think a situation where an adult tells a middle school kid that she's going to sue her is okay? Especially when her daughter has been punished for threats?