Anonymous
11/12/2018 02:45
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Guess what? Most women in their 20s and 30s know the fertility difficulties associated with aging. If you have friends who don’t know, that’s likely anecdotal and not representative, and my guess is that they are likely clueless and unobservant in other parts of their lives. As a longtime single person in this age group, the constant f&cking reminders from “helpful” married friends was painful. Many women delay motherhood because finding a mate is hard. Don’t pour salt in the wound. People know how to research.
When you don't find "the one" in high school or college, and pursue a professional career, baby making gets delayed...unless you are willing to be a single mom.
That's why women should be taught not to date for dating sake but to date for serious relationship only.
Men can date around and still have time. Women can't.
It's not patriarchy's fault, it's not capitalism's fault, it's not Trump's fault. It's the biology. You can't change it. You can adhere to it or bear the consequences.
I wish someone told me this when I was 25.
Someone probably DID tell you that but the problem is at 25 we do not hear that sort of thing, we just hear “lalalala”
Anonymous
11/11/2018 21:47
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
People who want to talk about declining fertility in your 30s...please start a different thread! This is a thread about Michelle Obama talking about her struggles with infertility and choice to undergo IVF. It is a *big* deal for some of us that a former FLOTUS is opening up about this!
I posted above that plenty of/most women in their late 30s get pregnant without issues, and I stand by that. I underwent 7 rounds of IF treatments (2 IUIs and 5 IVF cycles) to conceive my first in my early 30s, so I have no delusions about fertility...but that doesn't change the fact that I was in an extremely unlucky minority. And, FWIW, our primary issue was MFI.
But there is just something so validating to hear someone like Michelle Obama open up about the things we never talk about. Especially considering I was working in the EOP under the Obama Administration when I was going through all of my cycles and losses.
I posted above that plenty of/most women in their late 30s get pregnant without issues, and I stand by that. I underwent 7 rounds of IF treatments (2 IUIs and 5 IVF cycles) to conceive my first in my early 30s, so I have no delusions about fertility...but that doesn't change the fact that I was in an extremely unlucky minority. And, FWIW, our primary issue was MFI.
But there is just something so validating to hear someone like Michelle Obama open up about the things we never talk about. Especially considering I was working in the EOP under the Obama Administration when I was going through all of my cycles and losses.
Anonymous
11/11/2018 21:13
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^I also meant to add that she did IVF 20 years ago, maybe she wasn't as "worldly" at that time.
At 34, having gone to Princeton and Harvard, I'm going to say she was worldly and had experienced a lot of life by then.
But clearly she had not expected infertility to be an issue that she would experience. And I dare say most AA women do not "expect" it to be either, not matter how much it is discussed openly. Infertility may be common conversation for white women, but it is not for black women.
Why are you trying to discredit her truth?
I simply feel it's disingenuous. I sympathize with her experience, and the millions of women who share that experience (myself included), but find it impossible to believe she didn't know miscarriages were common among women of any race.
PP, I'm not trying to be argumentative with you. But let me be clear, if you were to frequent infertility AA discussion boards, most are surprised that miscarriages happen so frequently among AA women, because we as a culture do not discuss them. Society makes it seem like AA women are popping out babies like candy and we can become "Baby Mammas" with a drop of sperm. My own mother had three, plus a still birth that she did not share with me until I was nearly 35, and having my SECOND miscarriage. She would consider us having a close relationship. So I was going through infertility not knowing that my own mother had suffered through it. My mom was ashamed to share that with anyone.
Two of my BFF didn't share their miscarriages until many months after they happened. So it may be disingenuous based on your experience, but not mine and not many in my friend group. I just wanted to share that because it seems so many white women are questioning her sincerity in this regard.
If there are AA infertility boards, that tells me that it's common amongst AA women, just as it is amongst all women. Of course, those boards didn't exist 20 years ago, so I don't think anyone could be surprised today. But I wasn't thinking that the knowledge would come from anecdotal evidence; I have only had a few women share their experience with me personally. My awareness is a result of reading about it in a variety of places and probably hearing it on TV, often in the context of women putting off childbearing until much later than they used to.
Really, it's not a big deal. It feels nitpicky after talking about it this much, and I'm not judging her or disparaging her for it. I like Michelle Obama. It just surprised me to hear that statement.
Anonymous
11/11/2018 13:57
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^I also meant to add that she did IVF 20 years ago, maybe she wasn't as "worldly" at that time.
At 34, having gone to Princeton and Harvard, I'm going to say she was worldly and had experienced a lot of life by then.
But clearly she had not expected infertility to be an issue that she would experience. And I dare say most AA women do not "expect" it to be either, not matter how much it is discussed openly. Infertility may be common conversation for white women, but it is not for black women.
Why are you trying to discredit her truth?
I simply feel it's disingenuous. I sympathize with her experience, and the millions of women who share that experience (myself included), but find it impossible to believe she didn't know miscarriages were common among women of any race.
PP, I'm not trying to be argumentative with you. But let me be clear, if you were to frequent infertility AA discussion boards, most are surprised that miscarriages happen so frequently among AA women, because we as a culture do not discuss them. Society makes it seem like AA women are popping out babies like candy and we can become "Baby Mammas" with a drop of sperm. My own mother had three, plus a still birth that she did not share with me until I was nearly 35, and having my SECOND miscarriage. She would consider us having a close relationship. So I was going through infertility not knowing that my own mother had suffered through it. My mom was ashamed to share that with anyone.
Two of my BFF didn't share their miscarriages until many months after they happened. So it may be disingenuous based on your experience, but not mine and not many in my friend group. I just wanted to share that because it seems so many white women are questioning her sincerity in this regard.
Anonymous
11/11/2018 13:33
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Guess what? Most women in their 20s and 30s know the fertility difficulties associated with aging. If you have friends who don’t know, that’s likely anecdotal and not representative, and my guess is that they are likely clueless and unobservant in other parts of their lives. As a longtime single person in this age group, the constant f&cking reminders from “helpful” married friends was painful. Many women delay motherhood because finding a mate is hard. Don’t pour salt in the wound. People know how to research.
When you don't find "the one" in high school or college, and pursue a professional career, baby making gets delayed...unless you are willing to be a single mom.
That's why women should be taught not to date for dating sake but to date for serious relationship only.
Men can date around and still have time. Women can't.
It's not patriarchy's fault, it's not capitalism's fault, it's not Trump's fault. It's the biology. You can't change it. You can adhere to it or bear the consequences.
I wish someone told me this when I was 25.
Uh...this may be true for some women, but definitely not all women. I was dating for "serious relationships only" from the start (college onwards), and for one reason or another, the relationships I had in my mid-20s on did not work out (dated guys who cheated; could not commit long term; moved away for work/school, etc.). People spread this trope as if a woman is in complete control over whether a relationship will lead to marriage/children. A relationship is a two-way street; you have to find someone who wants to marry and have children with you, and there is simply no guarantee of that. Could I have married someone I didn't love/was not attracted to? Possibly, but that seems like an equally bad decision that would likely lead to divorce down the line. That leaves single motherhood as an option, which is just isn't realistic for many women for financial reasons alone (setting aside the other difficulties associated with it).
Anonymous
11/11/2018 12:21
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^I also meant to add that she did IVF 20 years ago, maybe she wasn't as "worldly" at that time.
At 34, having gone to Princeton and Harvard, I'm going to say she was worldly and had experienced a lot of life by then.
But clearly she had not expected infertility to be an issue that she would experience. And I dare say most AA women do not "expect" it to be either, not matter how much it is discussed openly. Infertility may be common conversation for white women, but it is not for black women.
Why are you trying to discredit her truth?
I simply feel it's disingenuous. I sympathize with her experience, and the millions of women who share that experience (myself included), but find it impossible to believe she didn't know miscarriages were common among women of any race.
Anonymous
11/11/2018 09:43
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^I also meant to add that she did IVF 20 years ago, maybe she wasn't as "worldly" at that time.
At 34, having gone to Princeton and Harvard, I'm going to say she was worldly and had experienced a lot of life by then.
But clearly she had not expected infertility to be an issue that she would experience. And I dare say most AA women do not "expect" it to be either, not matter how much it is discussed openly. Infertility may be common conversation for white women, but it is not for black women.
Why are you trying to discredit her truth?
Anonymous
11/11/2018 01:28
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Guess what? Most women in their 20s and 30s know the fertility difficulties associated with aging. If you have friends who don’t know, that’s likely anecdotal and not representative, and my guess is that they are likely clueless and unobservant in other parts of their lives. As a longtime single person in this age group, the constant f&cking reminders from “helpful” married friends was painful. Many women delay motherhood because finding a mate is hard. Don’t pour salt in the wound. People know how to research.
When you don't find "the one" in high school or college, and pursue a professional career, baby making gets delayed...unless you are willing to be a single mom.
That's why women should be taught not to date for dating sake but to date for serious relationship only.
Men can date around and still have time. Women can't.
It's not patriarchy's fault, it's not capitalism's fault, it's not Trump's fault. It's the biology. You can't change it. You can adhere to it or bear the consequences.
I wish someone told me this when I was 25.
Preach!
Anonymous
11/10/2018 21:56
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:^^I also meant to add that she did IVF 20 years ago, maybe she wasn't as "worldly" at that time.
At 34, having gone to Princeton and Harvard, I'm going to say she was worldly and had experienced a lot of life by then.
Anonymous
11/10/2018 17:59
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Guess what? Most women in their 20s and 30s know the fertility difficulties associated with aging. If you have friends who don’t know, that’s likely anecdotal and not representative, and my guess is that they are likely clueless and unobservant in other parts of their lives. As a longtime single person in this age group, the constant f&cking reminders from “helpful” married friends was painful. Many women delay motherhood because finding a mate is hard. Don’t pour salt in the wound. People know how to research.
When you don't find "the one" in high school or college, and pursue a professional career, baby making gets delayed...unless you are willing to be a single mom.
That's why women should be taught not to date for dating sake but to date for serious relationship only.
Men can date around and still have time. Women can't.
It's not patriarchy's fault, it's not capitalism's fault, it's not Trump's fault. It's the biology. You can't change it. You can adhere to it or bear the consequences.
I wish someone told me this when I was 25.
Anonymous
11/10/2018 15:01
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Guess what? Most women in their 20s and 30s know the fertility difficulties associated with aging. If you have friends who don’t know, that’s likely anecdotal and not representative, and my guess is that they are likely clueless and unobservant in other parts of their lives. As a longtime single person in this age group, the constant f&cking reminders from “helpful” married friends was painful. Many women delay motherhood because finding a mate is hard. Don’t pour salt in the wound. People know how to research.
When you don't find "the one" in high school or college, and pursue a professional career, baby making gets delayed...unless you are willing to be a single mom.
Anonymous
11/10/2018 14:39
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Guess what? Most women in their 20s and 30s know the fertility difficulties associated with aging. If you have friends who don’t know, that’s likely anecdotal and not representative, and my guess is that they are likely clueless and unobservant in other parts of their lives. As a longtime single person in this age group, the constant f&cking reminders from “helpful” married friends was painful. Many women delay motherhood because finding a mate is hard. Don’t pour salt in the wound. People know how to research.
Anonymous
11/10/2018 12:50
Subject: Michelle Obama did IVF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was coming here to say just this. I have heard a couple people (not many) imply that we black women are more fertile, and that infertility is a white women's thing. Clearly it is not, as we see from Michelle Obama, Gabrielle Union, and others, and getting it more out in the open is important to do. I luckily didn't have issues myself, but have had friends confide that they had miscarriages or trouble conceiving.
If you don't start trying to have kids until your mid-30s, then you are going to have trouble no matter what race you are, that is the lesson here.
Maybe for you. I was in my 30s and my husband who was 40 was infertile such that we had a one way ticket to IVF. Men are infertile too.