I vote for keeping the house. You have fixed expenses of $8000 a month, or $96,000 a year. At $215k you have about $13k going into your 401k and thus are likely bringing home minimum $140,000 after taxes. That gives you more than $40,000 a year for discretionary expenses. The vast majority of people in this country have much, much less than that. Unless you expect expensive home repairs, a need for a new car, multiple expensive vacations, etc. you can live a very nice life with $3000 discretionary each month.

Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to land here, but here I am. I am the higher earning spouse, so I have the greater ability to keep the house to keep the kids in their neighborhood and school. But, it’s going to stretch me in the next year.

HHI: $215k (my salary and bonus)
Net worth: $355k (my investments and half of the equity that’s left)

Cash flow: everything is kind of decimated post divorce. I used to have no CC debt and a healthy savings account. Not so much now.
Savings account: $5k
CC: $5k in debt in leftover lawyer fees
Student loan: $33k
No car payment
Mortgage: $1,073,000

Monthly expenses:
Mortgage: $5,600
Childcare: $600
Child Support: $478
Bills/Cell Phone: $540
Car/Insurance/Gas: $200
Student Loan: $300
CC Payment: $300

Starting in 2020 I have RSUs vesting that give me big chunks of money that I can pull from but this year is going to be hard. Any hints or tips for getting through this year? Should I stop contributing to my 401k for the year (currently contributing 6% for a 6% match which vests immediately)? This is a brand new divorce- I haven’t started living without my kids half time yet (starts next week), so are my bills going to go down, and I just haven’t realized it yet?

Those are some steep expenses on a 215K salary, even with RSU. The house, oy. And you're paying that fool child support? Damn! Do you have a basement that you can rent out for the extra income to help with mortgage? Otherwise, I know it's not ideal... I read the thread and understand you're in N. Arlington and you did a rebuild on the house... but I'd sell and buy a townhouse in N. Arlington so the kids can go to the same school.

Is this really outstanding loan or the house price?
I can’t fathom to have such mortgage on that income and my understanding it’s not the base this is total with bonuses? How much do you bring home after tax and ins?

Anonymous wrote:Child support is only $478? You got off easy!

Why do you say this? She is responsible for 50% of custody also.

Anonymous wrote:Child support is only $478? You got off easy!

Possibly, she mentions $600 per month for childcare so apparently that's not rolled into the order like it sometimes is. She also might carry the insurance which would lower her share.

Child support is only $478? You got off easy!

OP, I am so sorry about what you are going through.

I don't want to pile on. I can understand you want to keep your son in middle school with his friends, and to have the same house they grew up in to live in.

But I think you will be too house poor. You will have to cut back on so many things the kids used to take for granted. If renting out the basement would bring your mortgage to within 30% of your takehome pay, then that's a decent solution. But if not... I really think you need to find a housing solution that is only 25% to 30% of your takehome pay. Especially as a single parent.

Also, your budget is leaving out a ton. Food, kids summer camps and activities, maintenance costs for house/car etc. It all adds up. My husband and I have a HHI of 200k and our mortgage is $2400. I just can’t imagine a 5k morgage- we could swing it some months, but it would be impossible to sustain without deep cuts in our retirement.

I’m sorry you are going through this but I agree with others, it’s time to sell the house. You do not want to be financially stressed on top of everything else that is going on in your life. And do you really want to have to be on a super tight budget and have no vacations for the foreseeable future? I think that will be especially hard living in North Arlington, just the fact everyone around you will be doing things you can’t afford.

Just as an example, here are some of the houses available for max $750k in 22205 and 22207. They may not be as nice as your current house but they would be more affordable on your income level. There would also be more inventory in the Spring.

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-search/22205/price-na-750000

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-search/22207/price-na-750000

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-search/22203/beds-2/price-na-750000

OP, you have a 1M mortgage, but what's your PITI? (Monthly payment?) What are your mortgage terms? Also, what equity do you have in the house?

I agree with other posters that the mortgage is probably the thing that will push you over the edge in the long run. I know N. Arlington is expensive, but you can buy things for less than $1M in N. Arlington.

I would advise to stay put and plan to sell your place (because most likely the mortgage is not sustainable) in the late Spring. Then you can move over the summer but possibly in the same school district. Hold tight for the next few months though, to ease the transition with your kids.

With your income level, you would probably not want to rent a place for more than a year due to your taxes being hit so hard, but you could buy a new place, either after a year or in the spring after you sell your house.

You might consider moving to Fairfax depending on your commute. We used to live in N. Arlington and moved to a spot in Fairfax where we could use the Burke VRE for commute and houses cost half as much as those available in Arlington. There's more consistently strong schools across the county with a lot of diversity and more consistent support for a wider range of kids (counseling, special needs and gifted). We LOVED our North Arlington E.S and community and miss being closer to DC, but life costs us about half as much here--both in housing, but also there's more variety in the socioeconomic backgrounds of kids so less pressure in terms of keeping up with clothes, tech, travel sports, swim clubs etc. than in really well-off areas (it's still a high SES area, but just a bit more variety mixed into school communities and less influence of the very wealthy). The schools are racially/ethnically diverse and their large size may initially give less of a community feel than some N Arlington schools, but the size makes it so everyone can find their niche. We have very quirky kids and they adapted fine and found their group after moving and various life upsets. It won't get easier to move as kids get older--I really would sell the house. Yes, you can rent the basement but it can be a pain (we've done it), and you're still stuck with a house that's beyond your current means. I think the one poster who argued you'll be okay is not sensitive enough to your security and the overall well-being of your family. You have this one massive elephant of a house that was likely a stretch on your income pre-divorce. Ride out the school year in the old house, but really think deeply about making the move--build a sustainable new life. I wonder if you're too ready to latch on to anyone who will tell you what you want to hear.