Wife here. OP, are you attractive? Fit? Muscles? This makes a difference. Good luck. Marriage is hard!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ what they need is therapy.

They need a trained 3rd party to tell the wife straight up that her husband needs sex more than 2x a year or they're going to get a divorce.

You're the "fake it till you make" it poster, aren't you? You don't see how sexist and misogynistic it is to tell women to have sex even when they don't want to just because their men might want it?

How about telling me to be deserving of sex and to make their wives WANT to initiate?

Dear god, not you again. If a woman does not want sex, fine: don't have sex. But that means Open Marriage. You can't have it both ways.

Lots of couples choose to weather every season of life without an open marriage. Appalling attitude.

This is what it was like when we had our first kid. It’s part of the reason we had a big gap between kids actually.

I still love my husband and we got back in the physical intimacy swing of things between kids but NO I did not want to do more emotional labor with him when he got home from work during my maternity leave or when I got home from a long day after my leave. Once my kid was out of diapers it slowly got better.

I disagree with the pulling back and willing to walk away. Marriages aren’t always perfect and will have there ups and downs. Sometimes when sex and affection start feeling like another thing one has to do, they lose their appeal. Hormones, stress, monotony, etc can all get in the way of wanting to be intimate. I think threatening to leave a marriage to get more passion/sex is similar to a girlfriend threatening to break up if they don’t get a proposal... sort of takes the fun and meaning out of it.
So my advice is to continue focusing on the good you’ve mentioned, tell your wife she’s beautiful and a good mom and you feel lucky to have her- tell her this without expecting anything in return, give it some time with her feeling appreciated without having to force reciprocate and I have a feeling she will come around.

OP, been in your shoes. You have to be ready and willing to walk away. No amount of chores, being nice and helpful, or talking changed a thing. It wasn't until I said I had enough that she changed her mind. Trust me I didn't want to but I knew I was tired of being rejected and being a roommate

Highly recommend Esther Perel’s podcast Where Should We Begin. All of the episodes are worth a listen, but there are a few which deal with issues similar to this one.

OP, you need to pull back and find some new and interesting hobbies and friends. Remind her (and yourself) of what makes you unique and engaging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ what they need is therapy.

They need a trained 3rd party to tell the wife straight up that her husband needs sex more than 2x a year or they're going to get a divorce.

You're the "fake it till you make" it poster, aren't you? You don't see how sexist and misogynistic it is to tell women to have sex even when they don't want to just because their men might want it?

How about telling me to be deserving of sex and to make their wives WANT to initiate?

Dear god, not you again. If a woman does not want sex, fine: don't have sex. But that means Open Marriage. You can't have it both ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ what they need is therapy.

They need a trained 3rd party to tell the wife straight up that her husband needs sex more than 2x a year or they're going to get a divorce.

You're the "fake it till you make" it poster, aren't you? You don't see how sexist and misogynistic it is to tell women to have sex even when they don't want to just because their men might want it?

How about telling me to be deserving of sex and to make their wives WANT to initiate?

Well, stop tricking men into marriage then.
If you can’t bear to have a regular sexual relationship with your marriage partner you should not be married. Simple.

This would be good advice to give to your daughters (and sons!).

- wife of 25 years

You need therapy.

-- wife of 26 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here.

I don't understand wives like this. It's common knowledge that men need sex more than women and that 9 times out of 10 their top love language is "physical touch." You need to put out at least once a week, no excuses, if you want to keep your marriage strong.

We're all tired. But you fake it till you make it. You need to put the effort in to make your partner feel loved. Try to imagine what it's like going around feeling like you're not loved. That's so sad!

+ 1

Complete and utter BS.

BTW sex =/= love.

what do you do to show her you love her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ what they need is therapy.

They need a trained 3rd party to tell the wife straight up that her husband needs sex more than 2x a year or they're going to get a divorce.

You're the "fake it till you make" it poster, aren't you? You don't see how sexist and misogynistic it is to tell women to have sex even when they don't want to just because their men might want it?

How about telling me to be deserving of sex and to make their wives WANT to initiate?

Well, stop tricking men into marriage then.
If you can’t bear to have a regular sexual relationship with your marriage partner you should not be married. Simple.

This would be good advice to give to your daughters (and sons!).

- wife of 25 years

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ what they need is therapy.

They need a trained 3rd party to tell the wife straight up that her husband needs sex more than 2x a year or they're going to get a divorce.

You're the "fake it till you make" it poster, aren't you? You don't see how sexist and misogynistic it is to tell women to have sex even when they don't want to just because their men might want it?

How about telling me to be deserving of sex and to make their wives WANT to initiate?

It’s not misogynistic, just a difference in priorities, and if it can’t be resolved in a way that works for both parties, the relationship needs to end. There is nothing wrong with men prioritizing sex in a marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Woman here.

I don't understand wives like this. It's common knowledge that men need sex more than women and that 9 times out of 10 their top love language is "physical touch." You need to put out at least once a week, no excuses, if you want to keep your marriage strong.

We're all tired. But you fake it till you make it. You need to put the effort in to make your partner feel loved. Try to imagine what it's like going around feeling like you're not loved. That's so sad!

+ 1

Anonymous wrote:^ what they need is therapy.

They need a trained 3rd party to tell the wife straight up that her husband needs sex more than 2x a year or they're going to get a divorce.

You're the "fake it till you make" it poster, aren't you? You don't see how sexist and misogynistic it is to tell women to have sex even when they don't want to just because their men might want it?

How about telling me to be deserving of sex and to make their wives WANT to initiate?