I want to work, but I SAH. My husband wouldn't be as far in his career if I hadn't agreed to move for his job opportunities. And I moved while pregnant, which doesn't afford many options in my field: nobody is going to hire you in your second trimester because they assume you will want maternity leave, even if they're not paying for it. Our society is not set up to support women to work and have young kids simultaneously.

I would never give up working. I find a way to keep doing the work I was trained to do as well as fulfill the other aspects of my life. It means nothing goes forward 100%, but I am okay with that.

I work and my DH is a SAHD. When my job is stressful, the fact that I am the sole earner weighs on me, but that would be the same regardless of gender. I have had some career success and get a chance to travel and ensure my family is provided for in a challenging profession. While I entertain the idea of more leisure time and meeting the kids at the bus stop every day, I think they are better served by my hard work—which was always my plan.

I would LOVE not to work anymore. I've been working FT for 25 years and I'm tired. Hoping to semi-retire at 55.

Any contributions from a DCUMer who DOES NOT "have an ivy"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home mom of school aged kids. I don’t work because I don’t have to and don’t want to. There are other reasons but that’s the most powerful one. I love not having a boss or restraints on my time or annoying paper work or go workers or entitled clients to deal with etc., etc. Most jobs are kind of a drag.

Let’s face it, how many people would continue working if they won the lotto? Not many. Most people would devote their time to hobbies, leisure, socializing, travel, volunteering etc.

+1. I have a part-time job now because it's a dream job and something I want to be able to do when my children are grown and out of the house, but I stayed at home for years when they were small and I loved it. Everything was easier, not just for me but for everyone. Even working part-time is more stressful.

+1. I'm an O-5 officer's wife; he's in a field with significant bonuses, and once you add in the housing allowance and free healthcare, we're easily DCUM MC (not UMC, though!). With all the military moves, uncertainty about his schedule from one month to the next ... so much easier to be a SAHM, but I'm highly educated, was able to find part time "mommy track" work in my field, and I'm not ready to give up on working in my field forever. So, we keep the stress, but believe me, neither of use really WANTS to work.

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home mom of school aged kids. I don’t work because I don’t have to and don’t want to. There are other reasons but that’s the most powerful one. I love not having a boss or restraints on my time or annoying paper work or go workers or entitled clients to deal with etc., etc. Most jobs are kind of a drag.

Let’s face it, how many people would continue working if they won the lotto? Not many. Most people would devote their time to hobbies, leisure, socializing, travel, volunteering etc.

+1. I have a part-time job now because it's a dream job and something I want to be able to do when my children are grown and out of the house, but I stayed at home for years when they were small and I loved it. Everything was easier, not just for me but for everyone. Even working part-time is more stressful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

She actually said in the post he loves his work so much he'd do it for free, as rare as that situation is.

Chip on the shoulder, much?

I am a stay at home mom of school aged kids. I don’t work because I don’t have to and don’t want to. There are other reasons but that’s the most powerful one. I love not having a boss or restraints on my time or annoying paper work or go workers or entitled clients to deal with etc., etc. Most jobs are kind of a drag.

Let’s face it, how many people would continue working if they won the lotto? Not many. Most people would devote their time to hobbies, leisure, socializing, travel, volunteering etc.

I left my full time job (making $140K 14 years ago) to be a SAHM. I had three kids, and went back when my youngest was in 3rd grade. It was a great 12 years and I don't regret a moment of staying home. I love being back to work now, make a high income, work from home, and am proud of myself and my contribution to more than just my family.

OP raising children is much less stressful if the mother does not have to work.
That said, I think that the answer to your question is complex. Women have evolved to find a man who can provide enough food and protection for her kids. There is no real upper limit to "enough". However, we know that richer kids survive longer. so yes, women want men who can provide. Looking for anything less in a man could be seen as an irresponsible mating choice.

I originally wanted to work, become a CEO and all that. I also wanted a family and to sahm for a bit, but I did have ambitious goals. Then I actually got into the working world and realized... I’m not really that great. At anything. It’s been very very hard. So now i stay at home and I am really nervous to enter back into the working world where 1) I don’t make that much and 2) it’s soul sucking made worse by the fact that I’m not a top employee.

Maybe something has changed since I’ve been out, and I’m older but I can’t be sure. In any case I’ve Made sure to do freelance of my old job here and there and volunteer/do administrative work for a charity to have something to show for my time off (because just taking care of my kids won’t fly)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, when it really comes down to it, how many people looooove their jobs so much they'd do it for free, kwim? I know they exist (my husband is one) but I think they are pretty rare.

Once your income gets to a certain point, other things start to become more important than extra money. I don't work but that's because my husband makes ~ 750k plus bonuses. I didn't marry him for the money but I can't deny that it's certainly nice. I don't blame other women for wanting the same lifestyle.

Funny how it doesn't bother you that your husband has to work even though you don't want to.

DP. You're assuming every high earner wishes he didn't have to work, which isn't true.

Lol! My high earning DH HATES working. We are really power saving and only spending 25% of our combined net income (I work to help accelerate retirement). The second we have 10M invested we are retiring. Target is age 52 as soon as our 2nd child is in college.

You realize people are individuals, right? Some hate working and some don't. Some feel the pressure of being the sole provider and some thrive on it. Some women want to be SAHMs and some really, really don't.

+1 And, some people want to do different things at different times! I wanted to be at home when my kids were little -- and DH wanted that too, and would have been willing to be the at-home parent if I didn't want to. But, I also knew I wanted to go back to work when the kids were in school. So I structured my life/career to make that possible. I did freelance work during those years at home to keep up my network/skills and had no trouble finding a job.

DH is pretty burned out on his job and it's fine with me if he retires in a few years once the kids are off to college and we'll live on my salary.

This was 30 years ago, but I was definitely looking to marry someone who was happy for me to be a full-time mom.

The context was that I came from bitterly divorced parents who lived 100 miles apart. My sister and I spent our childhood traveling between them on our own on a train. They didn't ever travel with us. I was alone on a train with my sister at 7 years old. We both went to boarding school at 14.

I basically wanted to recreate the family life with my own kids that I had never experienced, and I did, to a certain extent.

However, before I became a full-time mom I did graduate from college, get a graduate degree, get my appropriate licenses, and work for a few years. But I never went back to work.