They are different to me. “You are welcome to come” means you are invited but I don’t feel strongly if you come or not, either because I don’t want to impose and make you feel like you have to, or maybe because it doesn’t matter to me that much. Context matters here. To me this one is more like a test balloon or a softer ask that could go either way.

“I want you to come” means you are invited and your presence is desired. “I really hope you can come” is the same to me.

Anonymous wrote:Is it just me or are these totally different things?

Very much.

You're welcome to come = you found out/I told you about plans I made without you but I don't care if you come. Come or don't come. Either way, I'm going and will enjoy myself.

Example 1:
Mom 1 - would you like to come over for lunch on Thursday and let the kids play?
Mom 2 - oh, we would, but we have plans to go to the zoo that day. you're welcome to come, though!

This is genuine, IMO.

Example 2:
Woman 1: I heard you and Doug are having a BBQ on Saturday. That sounds nice.
Woman 2: we're hoping it will be! You're welcome to come.

This is more of the oops, I forgot about you/didn't invite you but don't care if you do join us scenario. It can be genuine but probably isn't most of the time.

I want you to come is usually said when extending an offer or setting up plans, not after plans have been made.

Example:
Mom 1: I was thinking of taking the kids to the zoo next week. I want you and your kids to come with us. What day would work best for you?
Mom 2: Wednesday is free for us. Would that work for you?

When I use “You’re welcome to come” I mean
- you were not on the original invite list for some reason, but we’d like to have you. I use that when I am inviting a sibling to a kids party, usually because I needed to wait until I had some people decline to know I had space or because I sensed that it might be helpful if you could drop off all your kids for a few hours.
- I was planning on going alone, but I would not mind company if you are interested
- I am enjoying talking to you, but I have a time sensitive errand or activity I need to get to. We can continue this conversation if you want to tag along.
- I am relating our plans to attend some public event or location. I wasn’t planning on coordinating plans, but it will not be awkward if I run into you there and in fact I’d be happy to see you.

Mama told me not to come.......

Anonymous wrote:“You are welcome to come” is a total after thought. No thanks, I'm good.

It really isn’t. I used it just last week to a mom (and other moms use it all the time) when we are already going to be doing something and happen to be speaking with a friend.

For example: I’m letting the kids swim today from 3-5 at my house. You are welcome to come over.
We are having a few s’mores tomorrow night. You are welcome to drop by.

I would never get bent out of shape or take it the wrong way if I received either of these invites.

I think context matters.

You are part of a friend group and they have made plans and someone of that friend group sends you the message of being welcome to come over. That might make me feel a little awkward but even then…context and the proximity of the relationship would matter a great deal.

I would never, ever view an invitation as pressure. Why live that way? I assume people know their own mind. I assume people speak their mind. I assume if they don't want to do something, they will decline. And we'll all remain friends.

(What I need is a different word than "assume" but it's such a good word)

“You are welcome to come” is a total after thought. No thanks, I'm good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to over think this, op. Usually when someone says "You're welcome to come," I feel like they don't want me to come.
It drives me crazy, and I'm pretty sure I've turned down invitations because they were worded that way

Gosh. I hate that you have. I say this all
the time and it’s really done in a way to take the pressure off the recipient not to make them feel unwelcome. I will
Have to be mindful of the way this is received from now on.

You sound like a nice person!

Thanks! I try to be. ☺️

Anonymous wrote:At least it’s not “you can come if you want to.”

Agree. This is the version that feels least like an actual invitiation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often say "you are welcome to come" over "I want you to come"

We throw a lot of parties, so I feel like there is less pressure with the phrase "to are welcome to come."

For me "you are welcome" means "I'd love to see you but no pressure."

Yes, I say this to some friends for Thanksgiving and Xmas. Plans might change for them based on their twenty-something daughter and I want them to know I am flexible and understanding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to over think this, op. Usually when someone says "You're welcome to come," I feel like they don't want me to come.
It drives me crazy, and I'm pretty sure I've turned down invitations because they were worded that way

Gosh. I hate that you have. I say this all
the time and it’s really done in a way to take the pressure off the recipient not to make them feel unwelcome. I will
Have to be mindful of the way this is received from now on.

You sound like a nice person!

Anonymous wrote:I tend to over think this, op. Usually when someone says "You're welcome to come," I feel like they don't want me to come.
It drives me crazy, and I'm pretty sure I've turned down invitations because they were worded that way

Gosh. I hate that you have. I say this all
the time and it’s really done in a way to take the pressure off the recipient not to make them feel unwelcome. I will
Have to be mindful of the way this is received from now on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad to know I am not the only one who thinks that you’re welcome to come over is a blah way to invite someone over. I think it sounds like they could care less if you come or not. It gives me a feeling of no importance.

It's not really an invitation. You would say it only on a spur of the moment occasion. Sitting down at the beach, see a friend, and say "hey! you're welcome to join us!" They don't have to, but I'm letting them know they can if they want to. I don't think it's a "blah" invitation. I'd NEVER invite someone to dinner that way. I'd say, "Please come for dinner" letting them know I want them to come.

You’re welcome to come is a fake invite. The host doesn’t really want you there but is caught and has to invite.

Why pick apart people’s comments like this? Why not just take it at face value? Life is too short for this.

Anonymous wrote:Could be. Depends alot on the event and the context.

+1 This is very context dependent. You found out about a party and asked and they said "you're welcome to come" - you weren't invited but they have room. They are moving into a new house and thinking about a housewarming party and while kicking around ideas realize they're talking in front of someone without having invited them yet - they're just catching themselves and making it clear that you will be invited.

I want you to come could also be a full-throated "It won't be a party without you!" or a "shoot, they found out they weren't invited and now I have to pretend I forgot about them." It's all context, when where who how why.