Can't answer you on that, it really depends on you and your spouse. First of all, where did you start from? Did you start on the same page or different ones? I know for me and my husband the only good thing about our first year was my daughter's birth and we each saw something different in even that. It took a while for us to find a core value for our relationship. It took a lot of give-and-take for us to find mutual ground. We just both had such different pictures of marriage and expectations. We were both trying to fill our needs and desires and not thinking that what really needed to happen was for each of us to try and "fill the other one's needs and desires." This held us up "big time" from finding the blessings of marriage.

You may need a counselor to help you sort thru this. A third party might be able to guide the navigation. We insisted that our children go to premarital counseling so that at least they would start out on the same page. We can see that it helped. I suggest you try this resource https://bit.ly/2bYaQqv . Checking out this and following it up may help you find the pathway to a really great relationship and better years ahead. It really is up to you as to what you want from the relationship of marriage and what you are willing to do to make it happen. I am praying for you.

I would assume that the Honeymoon period would be bliss.

If it isn’t, then perhaps that is a bad omen.

If the marriage is a huge priority for both people involved -
It can be a very useful life lesson = learning tool for what a strong marriage truly requires.

In my case, it meant doom for that marriage. I was miserable the first year, he was indifferent. We never got on the right trajectory, and divorced many years later.

Hi @OP having lots of fights in the first year of your marriage is not the best but that doesn't necessarily mean your marriage is doomed. I guess you need to find out what the root cause of the problem is with your relationship. I suggest you have a serious discussion with your husband and find out if he's committed to working at your marriage. Marriage counseling might be beneficial for both of you going forward. Hope things change for the better in your marriage. All the best.

Anonymous wrote:First year of my marriage was bad. Had two kids, it got worse and worse. Finally divorced after 8 years. It's been hell on the kids, and I always wish I would go back and divorce right away. But every situation is different, so I'd recommend a counselor pronto.

Same here. I can pinpoint a specific fight where I thought about leaving (pre-kids). I should have done it

The honeymoon phase wore off around the second month. We weren't happy, but we didn't argue so we figured it wasn't that bad. We talked about divorce on our anniversary, but we figured that arguing or hating each other was the line we had to cross in order to justify it. We trudged along for a few more years and had a surprise pregnancy (the doctors said it wasn't possible). Two years after the baby we were divorced.

I love my daughter, so I can't say I wouldn't do it all the same way. If I knew someone who argued a lot in the beginning, I would definitely tell them to move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It means that you are immature idiots who are jockeying for power in the relationship. Stupid and short sighted but you can turn it around if you want to.

Quit it!! Treat each other with respect and love and like you are great friends. If you can’t get it together find a good counselor.

we had a tough first year... because we were mostly immature idiots with too much time on our hands. It took us quite a while to get used to living together harmoniously, but we did it.
We've now been married almost 20 years and have 4 kids. It's hard work, but now we compromise more, try to always respect each other, etc.

Try to remember and bring back the reasons you fell in love.

but also DON'T have kids until you get back to a happy place. we waited 5 years to have our first child, because our marriage was so rocky at first. It needs to be solid before you even think of having kids.

Anonymous wrote:No. It means that you are immature idiots who are jockeying for power in the relationship. Stupid and short sighted but you can turn it around if you want to.

Quit it!! Treat each other with respect and love and like you are great friends. If you can’t get it together find a good counselor.

we had a tough first year... because we were mostly immature idiots with too much time on our hands. It took us quite a while to get used to living together harmoniously, but we did it.
We've now been married almost 20 years and have 4 kids. It's hard work, but now we compromise more, try to always respect each other, etc.

Try to remember and bring back the reasons you fell in love.

I have heard that a signal of serious problems in a marriage is if either or both feels contempt for the other at times. Contempt is a really, really bad sign.

I think this was from someone who was on 60 Minutes or something like that several years ago and does university research on couples and marriage. As part of his research, couples stay in an apartment for a weekend with assigned projects to do together--sort of like the idea that hanging wallpaper together is a way to see how well you really get along. Some couples, faced with these projects, did indeed display contempt for each other (such as the other person's approach to whatever the task was--the tasks were not ordinary things like washing dishes, but contrived).

My husband (passed away some years ago) and I fought a lot (both very intellectual and stubborn people who really dig in) and probably criticized each other a lot--but there was also affection. I think when anger did happen it was characterized by frustration but never contempt.

Working on conflict resolution and all that is fine, but that's also what you would do with a co-worker, a neighbor, other people with whom the relationship is not expected to be that deep. So I think part of it is trying to let yourself feel what you FEEL. Ongoing romantic flames may not be realistic, but there should always be a smoldering coal or two in the fireplace.