If a 2 hour nap doesn't help him, he should be asleep from 9 pm to 5 am to get a solid 8 hours all at once. Does he snore or is his sleep actually restful? Is he overweight? You need to be fit to actually handle all that is required in life, otherwise you will be slogging through it. He sounds unhealthy all around.

This area is soul sucking. Can you find jobs in a smaller area with less expensive housing? Maybe your spouse can work part-time?

I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. My dad was very similar in his behavior a few months ago and his attitude was felt throughout the family. I agree that it sounds like depression. Has your husband tried different types of medication? Anti-depressants are a trial/error. You have to keep trying until you find one that works because they all work a little differently. Have you also tried to talk with him about his negativity? Is he aware of it or does he deny it? If he doesn’t want to talk with you, perhaps he may be open to a professional counselor. They may be able to help him discover the root of the problem. It can get better so don’t lose hope. In the case of my dad, as soon as the stress and pressures he was under was released from him, his outlook on life has improved. I pray that your circumstances improve.

Anonymous wrote:This is all because we insist on being two-income families so we can have the big house and fancy cars. This is why we're all medicated.

I hope you realize the the majority of dual income aren’t about big house/fancy cars, but food, normal home, medical bills, retirement and, if lucky helping save for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't need meds. He needs to grow up, suck it up, man up, and deal with life. Tell him to quit being a p***y. He's a candy ass who can't face realities. Time to be a man. Let him know.

And to clarify, I'm a married male with two kids, a stressful job, and I'm the one who typed this.

If you don’t have a ADHD, sit down and let the grownups talk. Because you haven’t a clue...

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him do the mornings and have him go to the gym for part of the evenings. Let him handle the mornings; don't get involved. He will figure it out.

He’s at work by 6!! He can’t do mornings.

The nap mid day is a poorly fitted bandage; does not get REM sleep. He is probably getting 5 hrs a night which cause a whole slew of issues.

When do you get home? It’s a bit ships in the night but maybe when you get home he is free to go. But have home pick up kids earlier and spend time with them and get dinner into them.

Yes, I agree about the naps. I telework 3 days one week and 2 the next. So basically, there are 5 days in every two-week pay period when I go into the office and he has the kids till 8:30 or 9:00. On the other 5 weekdays I'm home and free to help with dinner, bedtime, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, our entire country is stuck on the hamster wheel with two parents working to afford the “best”. It’s a vicious cycle that only a few can manage successfully and is why we are racked with divorce and very mentally unhealthy children. Stay home if at all possible. Your whole family will breathe a sigh of relief.

+1. We live in a modest house and my husband has a 10 minute commute. Some of this is about priorities.

This is the OP. To be clear, our house is already quite modest and we live inside the beltway. Getting any closer to my downtown office really wouldn't be realistic on our current salaries. Our earnings are also roughly the same, so one of us quitting would mean a 50% drop in income. While nice to think about, it's pretty hard to see that working.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce rate for ADHD spouse is well over 60%.

He needs to get serious about managing his ADHD.

Listen, the man wakes up at 5pm every day, takes care of the kids until his wife finishes work, and gets little free time.

He is unhappy with that. Some men just aren't in to being dads and need their solitude. It may have NOTHING to do with whether he has ADHD or not, which his wife is diagnosing not an MD.

I was in this situation. I divorced him. He wasn't willing to take his issues seriously and they'd spiral into other issues, i.e. substance abuse. I'm a million times happier without him. He was making me stressed and angry with his instability and my kids picked up on it. Single mom life is hard, but I wouldn't go back to that situation at gunpoint.

Divorce rate for ADHD spouse is well over 60%.

He needs to get serious about managing his ADHD.

Here’s the thing OP: it’s not your job to tiptoe around his untreated adhd, it’s his job to man up and deal with it. When we marry and have kids, we lose the right to make life all about our individual needs. So he needs to get over whatever is holding him back from treating his adhd so that he can be reasonably functional for his family. Once he is treated, it’s completely appropriate for a supportive spouse to step in and help triage whatever may still be falling through the cracks. But he needs to do his part to get there, and frankly I think he needs the riot act read to him if you haven’t already.

Anonymous wrote:With both kids plus husband having ADHD, I’d be changing the diet of everyone (at least in the home) - no more processed food etc. It’s a serious ask, but in your case it would definitely be worth it to try that.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I agree, our entire country is stuck on the hamster wheel with two parents working to afford the “best”. It’s a vicious cycle that only a few can manage successfully and is why we are racked with divorce and very mentally unhealthy children. Stay home if at all possible. Your whole family will breathe a sigh of relief.

+1. We live in a modest house and my husband has a 10 minute commute. Some of this is about priorities.

Anonymous wrote:Have him do the mornings and have him go to the gym for part of the evenings. Let him handle the mornings; don't get involved. He will figure it out.

He’s at work by 6!! He can’t do mornings.

The nap mid day is a poorly fitted bandage; does not get REM sleep. He is probably getting 5 hrs a night which cause a whole slew of issues.

When do you get home? It’s a bit ships in the night but maybe when you get home he is free to go. But have home pick up kids earlier and spend time with them and get dinner into them.

Have him do the mornings and have him go to the gym for part of the evenings. Let him handle the mornings; don't get involved. He will figure it out.