Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 17:22     Subject: Re:Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29 and my DH is 59. A major age gap I know but I think it works for us because I am an old young person. I also don't want children and wouldn't have trusted a guy my age to not change his mind down the road (ironic I know). DH already has BTDT with kids and he definitely wont ask me for kids so it works both ways.


Ok, to each their own, if you are happy great. You should think of this as your first marriage, as he will be dead unless you are much sicker than him. Or you might love being alone and still able to do things, I mean you are 29, so who knows what life will bring. As you are 29, you might think you know everything, we all did, but the reality is we were all still pretty naïve and dumb at that age. And you might never want kids, I got married younger and didn't think about kids at all. Like zero thought... and then I did. Wanted, wanted to have baby, and never thought prior about having a baby at all! I was that driven studying, working, thought about going for PhDs, research, and then I was just dying to have a baby. Why, no idea, it just happened. I looked at the kid in a grocery store and I wanted one. We are still pretty animalistic deep down, that is what I think. Even my friends who knew me asked me later on, how did I have kids, I never said never, but I never, ever mentioned kids, nor was I in any way "maternal." Even now, I adore my kids, older teens, but I am not really fond of kids, even though I worked with kids. If anything, working with kids made me realize I need to find a different job! Which I did!



The amount of projecting in your post is lame. You said you never gave children any thought when you married. That's very different from someone who militantly against having children like the PP. Nothing wrong with not wanting children.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 17:20     Subject: Re:Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29 and my DH is 59. A major age gap I know but I think it works for us because I am an old young person. I also don't want children and wouldn't have trusted a guy my age to not change his mind down the road (ironic I know). DH already has BTDT with kids and he definitely wont ask me for kids so it works both ways.


Ok, to each their own, if you are happy great. You should think of this as your first marriage, as he will be dead unless you are much sicker than him. Or you might love being alone and still able to do things, I mean you are 29, so who knows what life will bring. As you are 29, you might think you know everything, we all did, but the reality is we were all still pretty naïve and dumb at that age. And you might never want kids, I got married younger and didn't think about kids at all. Like zero thought... and then I did. Wanted, wanted to have baby, and never thought prior about having a baby at all! I was that driven studying, working, thought about going for PhDs, research, and then I was just dying to have a baby. Why, no idea, it just happened. I looked at the kid in a grocery store and I wanted one. We are still pretty animalistic deep down, that is what I think. Even my friends who knew me asked me later on, how did I have kids, I never said never, but I never, ever mentioned kids, nor was I in any way "maternal." Even now, I adore my kids, older teens, but I am not really fond of kids, even though I worked with kids. If anything, working with kids made me realize I need to find a different job! Which I did!


So amazing how when a woman says she doesnt want children, she gets bingoed with 'You'll change your mind". Would you say the same if PP was a 29yo man?
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 17:17     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op you need therapy. Your expectations are not appropriate.


I’m not attracted to younger men or men my age or slightly older. I prefer 10-15 years range. Might consider 8 years older though. I feel kind of turned off by a romantic relationship with a guy who isn’t in the age range I want. Isn’t that a preference, so why should I need therapy?

DP. You are A. without a guy, B. you don't seem to have a clue about how to actually be involved in a relationship. I mean, you are a troll, that much is pretty sure!
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 16:52     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:Op you need therapy. Your expectations are not appropriate.


I’m not attracted to younger men or men my age or slightly older. I prefer 10-15 years range. Might consider 8 years older though. I feel kind of turned off by a romantic relationship with a guy who isn’t in the age range I want. Isn’t that a preference, so why should I need therapy?
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 14:57     Subject: Re:Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29 and my DH is 59. A major age gap I know but I think it works for us because I am an old young person. I also don't want children and wouldn't have trusted a guy my age to not change his mind down the road (ironic I know). DH already has BTDT with kids and he definitely wont ask me for kids so it works both ways.


He definitely broke the half your age plus 7 man rule.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 14:02     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Op you need therapy. Your expectations are not appropriate.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 14:01     Subject: Re:Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29 and my DH is 59. A major age gap I know but I think it works for us because I am an old young person. I also don't want children and wouldn't have trusted a guy my age to not change his mind down the road (ironic I know). DH already has BTDT with kids and he definitely wont ask me for kids so it works both ways.


I’d be interested in. 5 and 10 year follow up.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 14:01     Subject: Re:Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
You’re looking for a father, or at least a father figure. Don’t try to get this from a romantic relationship. Volunteer at a nursing home. Seriously consider counseling, adults shouldn’t want to be princesses
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 13:57     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What about 6 to 9 years, OP? Is that considered "daddy" issues or not?


I prefer he’s a decade older. I just want someone to replace and give me that care that I never had whilst growing up. I view older men as emotionally stable.

How old are you OP? Do you want children?


I’m in my 20s. Yes I want kids and don’t mind if he has kids.

A 40 year old man might be ok with having a newborn, but I cannot imagine most 50+ yr old men will want a newborn.


I'd enjoy having a baby in the house. I'm 55.

You'd enjoy the fun part, but not the hard work, which you would leave up to your younger wife to do. Trump also enjoys having children; he just doesn't enjoy taking care of them.


I'm a man of 54. I have two boys under 10. I do more than my share of the hard work. I like taking care of them. The boys have a constant need to be outside running around, and I am the one who does that with them. (Also: making their meals, making them bathe, ding their laundry, among other things.) I am not gasping and out of breath when I kick the soccer ball with them, either. Maybe you think that falls into the "fun part", but going to the playground every afternoon stops being fun for the parent after a while, as perhaps you know.

If we had another one, that would be tough psychologically, because we are past the "diapers and spoon-feeding" stage. Physically I could do it. Not saying it would be a good idea, though.

Anecdotal... most men don't take on their fair share of the house chores or childcare, especially the older generation.

In any case, yes, my point was that a much older man wouldn't want a newborn and do the tough part of parenting like sleepless nights, etc.. Heck, I'm 48 and female and don't ever want to go through that again.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 13:56     Subject: Re:Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:I'm 29 and my DH is 59. A major age gap I know but I think it works for us because I am an old young person. I also don't want children and wouldn't have trusted a guy my age to not change his mind down the road (ironic I know). DH already has BTDT with kids and he definitely wont ask me for kids so it works both ways.


Ok, to each their own, if you are happy great. You should think of this as your first marriage, as he will be dead unless you are much sicker than him. Or you might love being alone and still able to do things, I mean you are 29, so who knows what life will bring. As you are 29, you might think you know everything, we all did, but the reality is we were all still pretty naïve and dumb at that age. And you might never want kids, I got married younger and didn't think about kids at all. Like zero thought... and then I did. Wanted, wanted to have baby, and never thought prior about having a baby at all! I was that driven studying, working, thought about going for PhDs, research, and then I was just dying to have a baby. Why, no idea, it just happened. I looked at the kid in a grocery store and I wanted one. We are still pretty animalistic deep down, that is what I think. Even my friends who knew me asked me later on, how did I have kids, I never said never, but I never, ever mentioned kids, nor was I in any way "maternal." Even now, I adore my kids, older teens, but I am not really fond of kids, even though I worked with kids. If anything, working with kids made me realize I need to find a different job! Which I did!
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 13:54     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’ve got daddy issues. Growing up I had a rocky and distant relationship with my dad. I’ve never been close to him. This resulted in me feeling attracted to older men when it comes to relationships. I want a man who is kind of like a father figure, very caring and dotes on me. I don’t seem to find that in men who are slightly older than me. I just wanted to know if anyone is in a relationship where their man is 10-15 years older and whether you feel he’s a father figure and treats you like a princess? How would you compare it with your previous relationships with men who are say for example, 1-5 years older?

You don't need an older man for what you are looking for. Well, that is if you really want a man and not a father. I am over 10 years older than my wife and I don't treat her like a daughter and would never want to be a father figure to her.

And as for those who talk about nursing them in later years...it can go both ways regardless of age.


+1 my husband is 15 years older than me and he is nothing like my dad (who I’m very close to!) and a father figure is the absolute last thing I want out of marriage. I know 3 other couples with this age gap and none of them have this dynamic either.

But OP *IS* looking for a father figure.


I wasn’t very clear in my OP and what I meant by father figure. I want a man with fatherly qualities and dotes on me. I don’t feel that with guys 1-4 years older.

I'm sorry, OP, but you need therapy. No man can make you feel good about yourself. That has to come from you. My DH is only 6 years older than me, but he "dotes" on me in a sense that he is my partner, and he does things for me because he loves me and is a good person. It wouldn't matter what the age is.

And a father figure doesn't "dote" on his daughter in terms of doing things for her or buying things for her. A good father will teach her how to be strong and not rely on a man, to be ready to be a responsible adult. That is what my DH is teaching our DD.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 13:49     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
I think this sounds insane.

DH is 10 years older but not bc I want him to treat me like his daughter (wtf?!!)

Actually he’s kind of an a-hole, but when we were first introduced I was under the impression he was only 5 years older, so I had already started being interested by the time I found out his real age.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 13:39     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
I am 47, DH is 50. The truth is as one pp said, now we are still fine and ok, but in recent couple of years, it is obvious that we feel and act older, not by much. I think it is a fast downhill slide. Plus, all this is nonsense, you don't have an older guy, heck it sounds like you don't even have a guy. First step to finding someone is to stop posting on dcum and go out and socialize. Don't cook the fish before you catch it.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 13:22     Subject: Re:Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
I'm 29 and my DH is 59. A major age gap I know but I think it works for us because I am an old young person. I also don't want children and wouldn't have trusted a guy my age to not change his mind down the road (ironic I know). DH already has BTDT with kids and he definitely wont ask me for kids so it works both ways.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 11:03     Subject: Marriages in which the husband is 10-15 years older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What about 6 to 9 years, OP? Is that considered "daddy" issues or not?


I prefer he’s a decade older. I just want someone to replace and give me that care that I never had whilst growing up. I view older men as emotionally stable.

How old are you OP? Do you want children?


I’m in my 20s. Yes I want kids and don’t mind if he has kids.

A 40 year old man might be ok with having a newborn, but I cannot imagine most 50+ yr old men will want a newborn.


I'd enjoy having a baby in the house. I'm 55.

You'd enjoy the fun part, but not the hard work, which you would leave up to your younger wife to do. Trump also enjoys having children; he just doesn't enjoy taking care of them.


I'm a man of 54. I have two boys under 10. I do more than my share of the hard work. I like taking care of them. The boys have a constant need to be outside running around, and I am the one who does that with them. (Also: making their meals, making them bathe, ding their laundry, among other things.) I am not gasping and out of breath when I kick the soccer ball with them, either. Maybe you think that falls into the "fun part", but going to the playground every afternoon stops being fun for the parent after a while, as perhaps you know.

If we had another one, that would be tough psychologically, because we are past the "diapers and spoon-feeding" stage. Physically I could do it. Not saying it would be a good idea, though.