Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:58     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Managing resentment. Op, no reason to spend so much time with anyone that the end result is being annoyed by them. That does no one any good. In smaller doses, these things would not bother you. Find the balance, but err on the side of it being a let-down, because you'll miss them, when they leave. Shorter time together. If you aren't a good version of yourself when you have guests, nothing else will matter.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:57     Subject: Re:Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So he’s not a guest, he’s a short term roommate and family. Set up house rules/cleaning expectations/cooking schedule. Don’t let things fester for so long that you go ballistic about a napkin. It makes you seem completely unstable and bitchy. You acted like you had a dinner guest who lefts napkin behind. The full story would have been helpful.


The napkin was the last straw. Because he just left the table in front of me. Since he's been here, the floor has become extra dirty and the entire kitchen looks like the Tasmanian Devil went through it.


Exactly! You should have set ground rules from the get go. You have been using the passive aggressive route until you explode over a napkin.

Leave the house and reassess when you get home.


Seriously, someone has to set ground rules for an adult? The person is old enough to be a decent human being.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:57     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
If he's spilling juice on your kitchen floor and otherwise making messes in your kitchen w/o cleaning them up that would be annoying. And that would be a legitimate complaint.

Point the messes out to your husband and ask that he either pick them up himself or he can ask his friend to pick them up.

Blowing up over the napkin being left on the table only makes you sound sort of crazy. Talk to your husband before you let yourself get that annoyed.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:53     Subject: Re:Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So he’s not a guest, he’s a short term roommate and family. Set up house rules/cleaning expectations/cooking schedule. Don’t let things fester for so long that you go ballistic about a napkin. It makes you seem completely unstable and bitchy. You acted like you had a dinner guest who lefts napkin behind. The full story would have been helpful.


The napkin was the last straw. Because he just left the table in front of me. Since he's been here, the floor has become extra dirty and the entire kitchen looks like the Tasmanian Devil went through it.


Exactly! You should have set ground rules from the get go. You have been using the passive aggressive route until you explode over a napkin.

Leave the house and reassess when you get home.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:53     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't entertain if you don't want to host and all that it entails, including clean up. It's abnormal to expect your guests to bus the table at your dinner party. If it's a very informal gathering with paper plates, I would definitely throw my own away. But it should be more important to you as a host that your guests are having a good time.


Agree.


Not a good time at the host's expense.


It’s a f*cking napkin
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:52     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If he only left a napkin on the table, who cleared off the rest of his dishes?



DH took care of the paper plate with pizza crusts on it. The dude was way better when he visited with his wife, but the wife is deployed now and it is clear that she took care of the kid and HIM. No wonder she comtemplated divorcing him.


O.k. the napkin was an oversight. Your husband simply forgot to clear it.

I think you are being a bit ridiculous. If your husband is willingly picking up after this guy, that is totally your husband's business and certainly he is allowed to do that. If he forgot the damn napkin, so what? Either tell your dh that he forgot the napkin or pick it up and toss it in the trash.

Going to that guy's room, knocking on his door and demanding that he come out and clear off the napkin was an overreaction on your part. You seriously need to chill out.


I don't touch other people's napkins for hygiene reasons.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:51     Subject: Re:Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:So he’s not a guest, he’s a short term roommate and family. Set up house rules/cleaning expectations/cooking schedule. Don’t let things fester for so long that you go ballistic about a napkin. It makes you seem completely unstable and bitchy. You acted like you had a dinner guest who lefts napkin behind. The full story would have been helpful.


The napkin was the last straw. Because he just left the table in front of me. Since he's been here, the floor has become extra dirty and the entire kitchen looks like the Tasmanian Devil went through it.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:50     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If he only left a napkin on the table, who cleared off the rest of his dishes?



DH took care of the paper plate with pizza crusts on it. The dude was way better when he visited with his wife, but the wife is deployed now and it is clear that she took care of the kid and HIM. No wonder she comtemplated divorcing him.


O.k. the napkin was an oversight. Your husband simply forgot to clear it.

I think you are being a bit ridiculous. If your husband is willingly picking up after this guy, that is totally your husband's business and certainly he is allowed to do that. If he forgot the damn napkin, so what? Either tell your dh that he forgot the napkin or pick it up and toss it in the trash.

Going to that guy's room, knocking on his door and demanding that he come out and clear off the napkin was an overreaction on your part. You seriously need to chill out.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:49     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
*You’re
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:49     Subject: Re:Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Get some bussing trays and put it on a counter near the sink...Label it as food, plates, silverware, trash etc. Announce to everyone on the table that you have put bussing trays on the counter for people to put their dirty dishes etc there. If you have a space, they will use it. However, people are dumb and they will not seperate even if you have the trays.



Just remind them often OP. They will get the message. Guests who leave their s%^ around are my pet peeve too.


Totally OT, but does anyone actually use these? We do NOT have an open floor plan and it takes my 7 year old forever to clear the table (her job). I know you were kidding PP but I actually might get one o fthese...
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:48     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If he only left a napkin on the table, who cleared off the rest of his dishes?



DH took care of the paper plate with pizza crusts on it. The dude was way better when he visited with his wife, but the wife is deployed now and it is clear that she took care of the kid and HIM. No wonder she comtemplated divorcing him.


Your next my dear.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:48     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?


DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.


You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.



I don't consider him my BIL. He was DH's dad's lovechild who turned up three years ago thanks to Ancestry.com. DH has another brother who is #goals thanks to my MIL.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:47     Subject: Re:Telling guests to clean up after themselves
So he’s not a guest, he’s a short term roommate and family. Set up house rules/cleaning expectations/cooking schedule. Don’t let things fester for so long that you go ballistic about a napkin. It makes you seem completely unstable and bitchy. You acted like you had a dinner guest who lefts napkin behind. The full story would have been helpful.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:46     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don't entertain if you don't want to host and all that it entails, including clean up. It's abnormal to expect your guests to bus the table at your dinner party. If it's a very informal gathering with paper plates, I would definitely throw my own away. But it should be more important to you as a host that your guests are having a good time.


Agree.


Not a good time at the host's expense.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2018 18:46     Subject: Telling guests to clean up after themselves
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So who is this guy? Dh's BFF from college or something?


DH's half-brother who brought along his shrieking 2yo. FML.


You mean YOUR brother-in-law who brought along YOUR niece/nephew? You sound like the SIL from hell.