The parents in twin 1's class invited the kids in that class. Twin 2 is not in that class. Twin 2 is not invited. To ask will make you look foolish and even if they accommodate you they will think you're weird and needy. Take twin 2 to do something else that day.

OP, I suspect you may be overthinking this. Assuming these are Evites--and my 4yo and 6yo have never, ever received a paper invitation to a party!--you got an email that said "Larlo is turning 4!" (and Larlo is in Twin A's class) and another that said "Larla's Birthday Party!" (and Larla is in Twin B's class).

I would not assume that only Twin A or B is invited, or that both twins are invited. I would assume, in JK, that the parents copied the class email list and pasted it into the Evite and hit send, and that was the extent of the thought process. They may not know that your girls are twins, or they may assume that you know that only the one in the class is invited, or they may assume you know that both are invited. Just ask. Also, our school has a mix of people who just invite the child's class and people who invite the whole cohort. Check the invite list to see.

(Obviously if these were indeed paper invites in the backpack, then just the invitee is invited. But I assume then you wouldn't be at all unsure about which girl the invitation was intended for.)

After re-reading your post, no you don't call and ask to bring the sibling.

Whoever had the invite in their backpack is the invitee.

Or, you could decide nobody goes.

A former SIL used to insist both kids be invited to things. It resulted in less invites for both.

In preschool- I would probably just decline all the invitations and save myself the hassle and logistics.
My twins didn't realize when they missed bday parties.
- mom of school age twins.

It sounds to me also like there is a general "rule" (whether required or cultural) that everyone in the class (not grade) is invited. That's why the invites were put into backpacks.

It sounds like all three invitations were specifically for just one twin. I would just roll with it. Each twin is going to get invitations to birthday parties for all the kids in their class -- and it will be equal. Sure, they may end up with some closer friends who know both and invite both, but that seems fair.

I would never ask if a sibling could come along unless I didn't have childcare that day. In one case, I did ask if I could bring my toddler along to a party at a home and explained that my DH was going to be out-of-town and I didn't have a babysitter. I also knew that the previous year, other siblings had come to the same kid's party. If it's at a home, you could consider asking if it's really, really important to you. If it's at a venue, no.

It sounds like the school has a rule or tradition of inviting everyone int the child's class (not grade). So find out if that is the policy and if so explain it to your kids. Most of the time, you will each be invited to the parties in your own class.

Either way, do not show up with an uninvited guest. I don't know about your school, but in my DC's first school there were 20 kids total, which included six sets of twins (only 2 kids were not twins). In the current school, there are nine sets of twins (its a big school). So that would be a lot of extra kids showing up at birthday parties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I would say to you -“yes, of course, that’s fine. We are happy to have her.”

What I would say in my head if my child has no clue the uninvited twin even exists - “that’s incredibly presumptuous and rude. Do I look like a free babysitting service?” (Internal eyeroll)

+1 YESSSSSS

If you really don't know who the invitation is for you can call and ask what kid it was for. I would NOT ask if the other twin was invited. It puts the host in an awkward position to have to say yes. It sounds like you already have your mind made up.

And if you do call to ask which kid, just say "which of our daughters are in your class" or something (or better still, ask the teacher). If you say "which twin we can bring" or something similar then it will be clearly fishing for a second invitation.

Anonymous wrote:What I would say to you -“yes, of course, that’s fine. We are happy to have her.”

What I would say in my head if my child has no clue the uninvited twin even exists - “that’s incredibly presumptuous and rude. Do I look like a free babysitting service?” (Internal eyeroll)

+1 YESSSSSS

If you really don't know who the invitation is for you can call and ask what kid it was for. I would NOT ask if the other twin was invited. It puts the host in an awkward position to have to say yes. It sounds like you already have your mind made up.

It sounds like OP is so entitled and insistent that her kids should both be invited that she will "ask" anyway.

So do that.

But then I hope you're prepared from the exclusion that will happen when word gets around that you invite other people and people start excluding your kids from parties even if the rest of the kids are invited.

Anonymous wrote:Has everyone missed that OP doesn’t know which twin is invited? In that scenario, I would figure out whether it’s a time where you can go with only one and then respond “I got an invite to Jane’s party but I wasn’t sure which of my twins in in her class. If you could please let me know, thay daughter and I will be there.” I’m going to bet she doesn’t know you have twins and will respond that you should please bring both.

Even if OP somehow got the invitations jumbled and doesn’t remember which twin was invited to which party, here’s a clue: If you only have ONE invitation that went into ONE backpack, then only one twin was invited.

Look up your kids class list and match the invitation to the twin who is birthday kid’s classmate. Done. Don’t fish for an invite by playing dumb and contacting the parents and saying you have no idea which twin was invited. That’s super transparent.

Anonymous wrote:Has everyone missed that OP doesn’t know which twin is invited? In that scenario, I would figure out whether it’s a time where you can go with only one and then respond “I got an invite to Jane’s party but I wasn’t sure which of my twins in in her class. If you could please let me know, thay daughter and I will be there.” I’m going to bet she doesn’t know you have twins and will respond that you should please bring both.

No. Reread. She specifically said one twin got invited to one party, one got invited to two. They are going in backpacks apparently. She is just saying there are on names so it could be that both were invited but she knows the primary invitee is the twin in the class on the birthday child.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been asked if a sibling can attend a few times, was not the least bit offended, and welcomed the extra kids.

+1. I’ve said yes to siblings when it was possible, no when it wasn’t due to head count. I’ve also had siblings and people who didn’t RSVP show up to a head-count party on more than one occasion. It’s really no big deal. The venues were used to dealing with a few extras. I don’t understand getting offended over every little thing.

Anonymous wrote:People are too quick to take offense. Good grief. Twins are a different situation than asking of if the toddler sibling can come, too.

No. Twins are siblings.

The only reason that inviting one necessitates inviting the other is if they are conjoined.

DC had a set of twins in his class and the mom was famous for insisting that both be included in everything, e.g. parties, play dates, etc. it was annoying and rude.

Anonymous wrote:Just ask. I wouldn't be annoyed, but I may tell you that the venue has a cap, so I can't give you a definite answer until more RSVPs come in.

This. Send an email directly to mom and ask her. I always ended up accommodating cause there were no shows or last minute cancellations when capped.

Has everyone missed that OP doesn’t know which twin is invited? In that scenario, I would figure out whether it’s a time where you can go with only one and then respond “I got an invite to Jane’s party but I wasn’t sure which of my twins in in her class. If you could please let me know, thay daughter and I will be there.” I’m going to bet she doesn’t know you have twins and will respond that you should please bring both.