Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He
Owes
No
One
An
Explanation

THE END.

Exactly. Cut her loose, OP.

Date someone who is over 40.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

The majority of people don't care what you do. But, remember before you go telling people what you think about children that you were one too and CF people felt the same about you.

I don't think everyone is cut out for kids and that is ok. You shouldn't have kids if you don't want them. They are hard even when you do. Sometimes when people ask it is just conversation. You could always do a white lie and not be so insulting.

Anonymous wrote:OP- you need to figure out you.
If you TRULY don't want kids now or ever, go get a vasectomy TOMORROW. Done. To not do so is very very irresponsible.

Then if you have a vasectomy, women really know from day 1 that you will not have children. Then it is their choice to stay.

Most of my friends (male and female) who didn't want children, eventually did want and have children. Why? Because they wanted a family of their own to grow old with.

Stop with the “grow old” sh*t. Have you been over to the Family Relationships forum recently? Your kids don’t want to wipe your a** and cart the grandkids over every weekend. This is NOT a reason to 1) have kids or 2) guilt people who are perfectly justified in not wanting kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He
Owes
No
One
An
Explanation

THE END.

He could explain to his girlfriend. I agree he doesn't owe us.

Anonymous wrote:CFBC is childfree by choice. I think OP and his gf are two opposite camps and they won't find a compromise. The gf sounds like a dumbass for not being upfront.

DP That is pretty harsh. At least she didn't move in or marry op and then hope she would change her mind.

You however should look in the mirror before you hurl insults.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He
Owes
No
One
An
Explanation

THE END.

OP, a few years ago, I was your girlfriend, except DH and I had been together nearly 10 years when my mind started to change about children. Before that, I could have been the poster child for “CFBC”. We had a wonderful life together, good careers, etc. and it all felt complete, until it didn’t. Age, hormones, therapyfor my own abusive childhood... who knows what triggered it, but thechange of Heart was real and not some “bait and switch”. DH still didn’t want children, and I had to make a choice over my known, real family I’d built over the years, or the unknown. I chose the real family. Some days it was like a knife to the chest, and I admit I cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion over what felt like a real loss.

But, I didn’t resent him, I was confident in the choice I had made.

Fast forward a few more years, and DH approaches me, wondering how I’d feel about having children. I was floaired, to say the least. But time sometimes changes you, or sometimes doesn’t.

Anonymous wrote:OP- you need to figure out you.
If you TRULY don't want kids now or ever, go get a vasectomy TOMORROW. Done. To not do so is very very irresponsible.

Then if you have a vasectomy, women really know from day 1 that you will not have children. Then it is their choice to stay.

Most of my friends (male and female) who didn't want children, eventually did want and have children. Why? Because they wanted a family of their own to grow old with.

You have obviously never visited a retirement community in this country.

Anonymous wrote:CFBC is childfree by choice. I think OP and his gf are two opposite camps and they won't find a compromise. The gf sounds like a dumbass for not being upfront.

Yes, I figured. I don't think she's a dumbass for not being upfront, I absolutely think it's possible she thought she could be okay with choosing not to have kids and now has had time to think about it more and realized she really does want kids. However, they're both dumbasses if they don't break up now

CFBC is childfree by choice. I think OP and his gf are two opposite camps and they won't find a compromise. The gf sounds like a dumbass for not being upfront.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

Lol are you really trying to acronym that?

NP. And yes, in this particular scenario that's the whole point. Obviously in a conversation between a parent and a "CFBC" person, if you start listing offensive-sounding reasons you don't want kids it's not surprising it could be taken the wrong way (ie as a personal attack) and result in defensiveness. In a conversation between a CFBC individual and a serious romantic partner, hearing all these specific reasons listed directly and point-blank will hopefully drive home the point that he really, absolutely does not want kids and will not "come around" or change his mind. Because yeah, they need to break up

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

He doesn't owe anyone an explanation. People like you make people like us (CFBC) very reticent about sharing our anti-children viewpoints. You're not going to like what I have to say as a child-free person so why tell you? So that I'll get bingo-ed with a "Oh, you'll change your mind?"

Why don't you want kids OP? Tell us. And tell her.

YOU need to tell HER why you do not want kids. Give her all of your reasons you do not want kids.

That should crystallize things for her very well.

Anonymous wrote:OP, Now that you also have had a year to grow with her, why not seriously consider having a kid? Looks like you want her and will miss her if you break up. Think about why you don't want a kid and if they are negotiable.

The alternative is to break up with someone who you seem to have excellent chemistry with and find someone who doesn't want kids, etc and start all over again. maybe you'll never another person like your current GF..

Dude, what? No. This is horrible advice. If you honestly do not want kids, do not have them - as I'm sure you know, being a parent especially of young kids is not something you can hop in and out of as you please - you will be required to drastically alter your daily life for the foreseeable future. Don't have kids unless you definitely want to be. Father.

-Parent of 3, who would kind of like another