Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you post before? Someone posted about a paranoid DH who got an alarm system for the front door and turned it on remotely when she was in the house.

OP here. No, that was not me. We do have an alarm (with interior motion detectors), which makes this all the more ridiculous. I might have accepted the exterior cameras (recording, not alerting him) because they’d capture the face of anyone breaking in. Once they’re in, why do we need another video? The motion detectors would alert the alarm company.

He has no real reason for the paranoia. Nothing remotely bad has ever happened to him or anyone in his family.

We have no kids, although we were letting nature take its course there.

We are currently not speaking. I was visiting my parents for Labor Day weekend and expected he’d have taken care of the cameras while I was away. No luck.

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN
GET OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE - THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG.

It is MUCH easier to get out, and QUICKLY without children!

Even if the cameras come down - you have an entire lifetime to look forward to some other type of insane controlling behavior cropping up again in the future.

How long have you been married?

Could you imagine a man like this fighting over a child with you, and exposing the child to his irrational way of thinking with split custody and visitation?

RUN.

Anonymous wrote:If he was really paranoid and evil he would have hidden the cameras and not told you about them. That way you’d never even have known.

Why not just move normally through your day and let him play jr detective and see nothing?

Because he is trying to mind-f*ck OP. This is a serious form of mental abuse. Controlling, manipulating, just sheer sick. OP isn't a slave.

I'd walk around the house nude just to make him wonder if something was going on in places he couldn't see. Then I would put a towel over the camera or paint the lens.

I would tell him that his behavior is the same as an abuser and a predator. The fact that he feels the need to monitor me is a huge red flag. It is not that I have anything to hide, but I find his cameras invasive and creepy. He can give me full access to the cameras so that I know exactly where they all are or I will move out and include his abusive behavior in any divorce discussions.

If he doesn't do so immediately, I will plan to move out. If I can't move out immediately (or he agrees to remove them, but doesn't move them immediately) then I will start taping papers or hanging clothes/blankets over everyone that I pass. If he removes the items blocking the cameras without taking down the cameras, I will paint the lenses over with black paint.

This is not a negotiable situation. He is welcome to join me anytime he feels I am trying to hide something, but he doesn't get to set up cameras to monitor me or videotape me.

And, FYI, I am a husband, not a wife. I don't believe there is anything defensible about his position at all.

Haha my husband is doing the same thing as op’s husband. Op, my husband is crazy and controlling too. It sucks. Especially if you have kids. Makes it even more complicated. Thank you for this thread though. It’s vindicating to read the responses here. Especially when my husband is always telling me how I am the bad guy in our marriage. Good to know I’m not alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's crazy that he distrusts you so much.

It's pretty messed up that you're backhandedly blaming OP for her husband's mental health problems.

Wow, it's so easy to misinterpret things when they are written. I was absolutely not blaming her for her crazy husband, that was not my intention at all. Her husband is nuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He obviously suspects you are cheating.

I say teach him a lesson by giving him exactly what he so clearly expects/wants to see. Go to Ashley Madison or Craig's List whatever, and find a bunch of different guys to hook up with, one in front of each and every camera you can find, (including the exterior ones if you can get away with it without getting the cops called on you), finishing each "act" with your middle finger extended directly at the lens.

Are you okay

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I talked to him on the phone last night. There are 8 cameras all together. Nothing got resolved, so I’m not going back.

Good. Move on.

POsted above. Glad you are not going back. Take care of yourself.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how long have you been married to him?

Definitely don't go back there unless it's to get your stuff to move out...and don't go alone.

This.

Anonymous wrote:That's crazy that he distrusts you so much.

It's pretty messed up that you're backhandedly blaming OP for her husband's mental health problems.

That's crazy that he distrusts you so much.

OP, how long have you been married to him?

Definitely don't go back there unless it's to get your stuff to move out...and don't go alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please be careful, OP. If he's got that many cameras, who knows what else he has in place to monitor you.

Use a public computer if possible, have your car checked for a tracker, get a new phone, get a new credit card.

I'm glad you're not going back - good luck to you, and when you are on your own, please consider taking steps including alerting others to his behavior so that it will be easier for you to get help if he tries to reach you after you have left.

+1

Tell family about his actions. Tell close friends. He sounds like he would possibly tell others that YOU are at fault or cheating etc. if you leave. Prepare family and friends now to hear lies from him about you. When you leave for good, tell only a very few, very trusted people where you really are. Be sure they know to tell him nothing about where you are.

Are your bank accounts joint, OP? I would worry that he could attempt to control you by cleaning them out if he knows you are leaving. Consider how to set aside money you can access and he cannot.

+1 AND KEEP US UPDATED!

Anonymous wrote:Please be careful, OP. If he's got that many cameras, who knows what else he has in place to monitor you.

Use a public computer if possible, have your car checked for a tracker, get a new phone, get a new credit card.

I'm glad you're not going back - good luck to you, and when you are on your own, please consider taking steps including alerting others to his behavior so that it will be easier for you to get help if he tries to reach you after you have left.

+1

Tell family about his actions. Tell close friends. He sounds like he would possibly tell others that YOU are at fault or cheating etc. if you leave. Prepare family and friends now to hear lies from him about you. When you leave for good, tell only a very few, very trusted people where you really are. Be sure they know to tell him nothing about where you are.

Are your bank accounts joint, OP? I would worry that he could attempt to control you by cleaning them out if he knows you are leaving. Consider how to set aside money you can access and he cannot.

Please be careful, OP. If he's got that many cameras, who knows what else he has in place to monitor you.

Use a public computer if possible, have your car checked for a tracker, get a new phone, get a new credit card.

I'm glad you're not going back - good luck to you, and when you are on your own, please consider taking steps including alerting others to his behavior so that it will be easier for you to get help if he tries to reach you after you have left.