Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an only child. It's not the sob story DCUM makes it out to be.

She will go to a great college, take amazing vacations, and I can fund any interest that she wants to pursue. She gets to bring friends on vacation and believe me, she is not lonely.

If you are both thinking about it, start trying. If it doesnt happen naturally, that is your answer. Odds are already against you

+1. I met my husband late in life, had a baby at 40, almost 41. No issues whatsoever with conceiving, and my daughter (now 9) is an only child and has zero issues with that. We focus solely on her. She travels, her college is already paid for, she has tons of friends whom we invite to go places with us, this kid is not hurting! I have a brother who is a bona fide a-hole, so other PP is right - don't give the magical sibling issue any more fire. They can seriously suck, and suck the life right out of you.

Yikes. That is...definitely not a good thing.

DP I think you are making it sound like she is ONLY focused on her child but, I think you are twisting her words. Would you prefer that she was one of nine and ignored?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be 60ish when the first is just leaving for college. Ouch.

I have never quite understood this argument. Who cares?? Do you live your life counting down the days until your kids leave? Is 60 ancient?? What does this argument even mean?

DP I suppose the argument is that if you have your kids earlier than you can enjoy traveling and grandchildren when you are young to do both well. My MIL was a grandmother at 51 and she had much more energy with the first grandchild than when she was in her 60s. To be sure, I don't think op should make a decision based on this reason only.

Op,
If you and your husband changed your mind try to have one baby. See how that goes. I'm assuming that your siblings have children? So at least they will have cousins if you decide to only have one.

Drop your fantasy of being a perfect parent having a perfect child. We are all flawed and your child is not a mini you or your DH. They are their own person and should get to live the life that they want ( within reason of course!) Every family also has addicts in their family tree. Good and bad people too!

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an only child. It's not the sob story DCUM makes it out to be.

She will go to a great college, take amazing vacations, and I can fund any interest that she wants to pursue. She gets to bring friends on vacation and believe me, she is not lonely.

If you are both thinking about it, start trying. If it doesnt happen naturally, that is your answer. Odds are already against you

+1. I met my husband late in life, had a baby at 40, almost 41. No issues whatsoever with conceiving, and my daughter (now 9) is an only child and has zero issues with that. We focus solely on her. She travels, her college is already paid for, she has tons of friends whom we invite to go places with us, this kid is not hurting! I have a brother who is a bona fide a-hole, so other PP is right - don't give the magical sibling issue any more fire. They can seriously suck, and suck the life right out of you.

Yikes. That is...definitely not a good thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 38, and had kids at 41 and 44, both conceived on our own. It's not too late for you guys.

This is me, exactly.

Married at 32. Tried at 37 (conceived first month of trying); 2nd kid conceived naturally at 40. Plenty of people can have kids at this age. Can't imagine kids without them. Sure it might be great to be a young grandma. but i got to do all that i wanted b4 having them (travel, promotion, bought forever house, etc.). We have tons saved and paying for their college will be totally fine.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the one thing you can't calculate in the pro/con matrix that you've made is just how much you will love your kid. Yes, it sucks when he has a cold and is up all night. Yes, it sucks that he takes foooorrrreeeevvvveeeeerrrr to do anything (I do it myself!!) Yes, it sucks our vacation revolves around him and his nap schedule.

But it's totally worth it for all the joy he brings. Nothing can prepare you for the swelling love you feel when your child sighs and snuggles deep into your arms and you know you are their safest most bestest place in universe.

It is true that there is literally nothing like this feeling, and you cannot understand it until you experience it.

Anonymous wrote:My DS is 9, over half the kids in his class have moms between 48-55.

What??? That is...not normal

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is 9, over half the kids in his class have moms between 48-55.

Is this class part of some geriatric experiment?

I had 2 AMA pregnancies and I will not be in that age bracket when my youngest is 9. Apparently I was young by DCUM standards.

A couple things: If you feel this now, know that it will only wildly increase over the next couple years. When you say "having kids", do you mean you want more than one? If so, I agree you need to start trying immediately and obviously cannot take for granted that it will happen (or that you'll even get to have one, obviously). But my point is more that you'll need to start trying asap, and then assuming things go well and you conceive and have a baby (again: not a given), you'll need to start trying for your second when your first is still pretty young. SO, you'll have an intense few years there. The baby/toddler years are amazing and so tough at the same time, and going through them in your late 30s/early 40s is an additional level of exhaustion. I'm guessing the friends you see loving being parents are largely out of that phase - you obviously would get there too (and if you do want kids...trust me, those tough years are totally worth it. They're very sweet years too! Just lots of work)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be 60ish when the first is just leaving for college. Ouch.

I have never quite understood this argument. Who cares?? Do you live your life counting down the days until your kids leave? Is 60 ancient?? What does this argument even mean?

We who are in our 50s right now certainly don't think 60 is ancient. I agree with you.

You'll be 60 anyway. Who care?

We are having our first at 38

Anonymous wrote:My DS is 9, over half the kids in his class have moms between 48-55.

Is this class part of some geriatric experiment?

Have your one kid first and then worry about the only kid stuff. Times a tickin loudly on the biological clock, so stop overthinking it and get moving.

If you’re not sure don’t do it.

I had my first at 38 (second at 40). I think that the reasons you are unsure about having kids should make you feel comfortable with having an only, if that happens.

Frankly, though I love my kids more than anything and at times like having a larger blended family, I am envious of those with only one child. Their lives are much, much calmer than ours and I think we overextended ourselves, given our advanced age and finances. I might have made a different decision had I truly known what it would be like--but I have a grown stepchild who not independent and a special needs child, so this may play into things.

That being said, I would have been very sad not to have had one kid--though I would have led a happy and fulfilling life for sure. You cant do everything in life, so I say you think about what you would regret most--not trying? not having a kid? having a kid? Few people feel regret about having a child--but there are some.

My DS is 9, over half the kids in his class have moms between 48-55.