Anonymous
08/04/2018 07:48
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
I think she should see a therapist to talk about coping skills and whatever is stressing her out. The therapist then would be a neutral third party so this doesn't become a power struggle between exes. (Not saying you are doing that, but it could be perceived that way by him.) The best gift you could give her is a safe space to talk about her worries and causes of stress and to learn healthy ways to cope with it. Time in nature - learning new things - "active coping" - what a gift to learn about this at a young age. She has a lot of stress in life ahead of her. We all face it. So help her now.
Anonymous
08/04/2018 07:44
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I’m not shaming my daughter. I haven’t brought it up at all. She didn’t say anything until her check-up when she was weighed. Her pediatrician brought it up to me privately and DD seemed concerned about the weight gain. I reassured her this often happened before puberty but that it was important to continue exercising and eating healthy.
She gained 28 pounds from May 3 to August 2nd. She slang May 18th to July 29th with my ex husband.
My ex husband and I are both overweight. We were both overweight children. I work very hard to stay active and eat well, I’m still about 15-20 pounds overweight. I had lost a significant amount before my daughter was born. My ex does not eat well or stay active. Her step siblings are average weight but both are younger boys (7&9).
DD is very athletic and strong, she has an athletic build that can easily become hefty. The weight gain is apparent and has changed her body pretty significantly. It’s mostly in her stomach, arms and face. Her face changed a lot with the weight.
She’s gotten about 3/4 of an inch taller since her visit in early May.
Again, I’m a realist. This amount of weight gain in 3 months is a lot. I was an overweight teen. I know the stats, it’s harder to stay at a healthy body weight when you struggle with weight as a kid. I want to give my daughter a healthy start, it is a priority. I’m not here to body shame my kid, I’m just concerned from a health standpoint.
OP, you sound like your head is on straight. I think it would be weird not to talk a bit to your daughter since this is a change, she isn't happy about it, and you know how hard a challenge this has always been for you. How about bringing your daughter into the process of improving the food choices and activity level at home together? I think that problems will come in if you are a hypocrite (my mom, banning sweet snacks but had candy hidden upstairs). I don't think she is too fragile to understand that what happened wasn't normal. I would worry more that if you did t say anything, she might choose to lose the weight in an unhealthy way.
Anonymous
08/04/2018 07:40
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
That's an incredible amount of weight to put on in two months. What are her emotions about it? She is going to come to school being significantly heavier. I imagine she's worried about that.
Anonymous
08/04/2018 07:38
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son is 11 and put in a lot of weight last August, in a similar fashion. Completely sedentary and ate lots of McDonald’s. (Don’t ask, long story).
I just banned McDonald’s and focused on making healthy tasty meals. He was also on the school soccer team for the fall. He lost it all in about 2 months. So, about twice as long to take off as to put on. It wasn’t a diet. It was getting back to our regular eating habits.
He hasn’t started puberty yet as far as I can tell.
I don’t know how to address this with the ex. I worry an ex would take it as a personal attack. And I’m not sure how to approach your daughter without giving her issues. I likely would just go back to healthy habits, and maybe help her get access to healthier foods while with Dad?
Maybe she will tell you a little more about what was going on over the summer. Pizza every night? Does she feel comfortable requesting certain foods? would teaching her to cook for herself this winter, in prep for next summer, be helpful? I bet, if your ex is like my husband, unhealthy choices come from not wanting to shop and cook. Take out is easier.
why do people let their kids eat junk food, drink soda, Mcdonald, burger king, pizza hut and ice cream in the first place? They are like poison and are banned in my house. It will cause serious health issues later on.
My oldest is 17 years old and the last time we visited a Mcdonald was 11 years ago. The last time he drank soda or ate ice cream was 2008.
I am laughing so hard that you really believe your kid hasn't/doesn't eat and drink this stuff when he's away from you.
Anonymous
08/04/2018 06:45
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, she swam on the swim team all summer and still gained that much?
No, she didn’t do any sport activities over the summer. Her dad lives states away. They went on a two week cruise and then she lounged around with her step-siblings. No sports.
Next time tell him that they need to do a daily activity together - a walk, a swim, a bike ride. Sign her up for a summer team. Something,
Anonymous
08/04/2018 01:51
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Sounds like she might have been stress eating. Which is okay - she was possibly finding comfort in food.
You have every reason to feel upset with exH, you want what's best for your daughter. Back on track with her regular lifestyle should help, she'll probably grow into it sooner than later, and spend the next while helping her develop self comfort techniques that don't involve the highs of food.
Drawing, coloring with nice pencils, journaling, a new hobby, meditating, yoga, anything that keeps her hands busy, etc. So hopefully next time she goes she can fill the void. Help her find a project to bring, a new goal to meet, something to do.
If exH didn't care to notice or find ways for her to be active then I wouldn't mention it to him - if he's insensitive to her and her needs last thing she needs is him shaming her or controlling her food in some weird way trying to do what he thinks you want.
Is a dog to walk an option that she could have and bring with her for comfort and exercise? Something like that.
You sound like a very caring mom.
You have every reason to feel upset with exH, you want what's best for your daughter. Back on track with her regular lifestyle should help, she'll probably grow into it sooner than later, and spend the next while helping her develop self comfort techniques that don't involve the highs of food.
Drawing, coloring with nice pencils, journaling, a new hobby, meditating, yoga, anything that keeps her hands busy, etc. So hopefully next time she goes she can fill the void. Help her find a project to bring, a new goal to meet, something to do.
If exH didn't care to notice or find ways for her to be active then I wouldn't mention it to him - if he's insensitive to her and her needs last thing she needs is him shaming her or controlling her food in some weird way trying to do what he thinks you want.
Is a dog to walk an option that she could have and bring with her for comfort and exercise? Something like that.
You sound like a very caring mom.
Anonymous
08/04/2018 00:18
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I’m not shaming my daughter. I haven’t brought it up at all. She didn’t say anything until her check-up when she was weighed. Her pediatrician brought it up to me privately and DD seemed concerned about the weight gain. I reassured her this often happened before puberty but that it was important to continue exercising and eating healthy.
She gained 28 pounds from May 3 to August 2nd. She slang May 18th to July 29th with my ex husband.
My ex husband and I are both overweight. We were both overweight children. I work very hard to stay active and eat well, I’m still about 15-20 pounds overweight. I had lost a significant amount before my daughter was born. My ex does not eat well or stay active. Her step siblings are average weight but both are younger boys (7&9).
DD is very athletic and strong, she has an athletic build that can easily become hefty. The weight gain is apparent and has changed her body pretty significantly. It’s mostly in her stomach, arms and face. Her face changed a lot with the weight.
She’s gotten about 3/4 of an inch taller since her visit in early May.
Again, I’m a realist. This amount of weight gain in 3 months is a lot. I was an overweight teen. I know the stats, it’s harder to stay at a healthy body weight when you struggle with weight as a kid. I want to give my daughter a healthy start, it is a priority. I’m not here to body shame my kid, I’m just concerned from a health standpoint.
Aw, you're a good mom. She's lucky to have you. I think you are on the right rack. As you know, there isn't a magic pill. Maybe the next several months of eating well and exercise will help take some of it off. How old is she?
Anonymous
08/04/2018 00:02
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
OP here.
I’m not shaming my daughter. I haven’t brought it up at all. She didn’t say anything until her check-up when she was weighed. Her pediatrician brought it up to me privately and DD seemed concerned about the weight gain. I reassured her this often happened before puberty but that it was important to continue exercising and eating healthy.
She gained 28 pounds from May 3 to August 2nd. She slang May 18th to July 29th with my ex husband.
My ex husband and I are both overweight. We were both overweight children. I work very hard to stay active and eat well, I’m still about 15-20 pounds overweight. I had lost a significant amount before my daughter was born. My ex does not eat well or stay active. Her step siblings are average weight but both are younger boys (7&9).
DD is very athletic and strong, she has an athletic build that can easily become hefty. The weight gain is apparent and has changed her body pretty significantly. It’s mostly in her stomach, arms and face. Her face changed a lot with the weight.
She’s gotten about 3/4 of an inch taller since her visit in early May.
Again, I’m a realist. This amount of weight gain in 3 months is a lot. I was an overweight teen. I know the stats, it’s harder to stay at a healthy body weight when you struggle with weight as a kid. I want to give my daughter a healthy start, it is a priority. I’m not here to body shame my kid, I’m just concerned from a health standpoint.
I’m not shaming my daughter. I haven’t brought it up at all. She didn’t say anything until her check-up when she was weighed. Her pediatrician brought it up to me privately and DD seemed concerned about the weight gain. I reassured her this often happened before puberty but that it was important to continue exercising and eating healthy.
She gained 28 pounds from May 3 to August 2nd. She slang May 18th to July 29th with my ex husband.
My ex husband and I are both overweight. We were both overweight children. I work very hard to stay active and eat well, I’m still about 15-20 pounds overweight. I had lost a significant amount before my daughter was born. My ex does not eat well or stay active. Her step siblings are average weight but both are younger boys (7&9).
DD is very athletic and strong, she has an athletic build that can easily become hefty. The weight gain is apparent and has changed her body pretty significantly. It’s mostly in her stomach, arms and face. Her face changed a lot with the weight.
She’s gotten about 3/4 of an inch taller since her visit in early May.
Again, I’m a realist. This amount of weight gain in 3 months is a lot. I was an overweight teen. I know the stats, it’s harder to stay at a healthy body weight when you struggle with weight as a kid. I want to give my daughter a healthy start, it is a priority. I’m not here to body shame my kid, I’m just concerned from a health standpoint.
Anonymous
08/03/2018 23:57
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
why do people let their kids eat junk food, drink soda, Mcdonald, burger king, pizza hut and ice cream in the first place? They are like poison and are banned in my house. It will cause serious health issues later on.
My oldest is 17 years old and the last time we visited a Mcdonald was 11 years ago. The last time he drank soda or ate ice cream was 2008.
That is sad, because ice cream is one of life's small joys.
It is also entirely irrelevant to OP's thread.
And that’s the other extreme. Forbidding your children from ever touching fast food, ice cream or soda isn’t helpful. You have no idea if your 17 yo has had soda in the past 10 years at a party when you haven’t been around. Teach them healthy eating habits and how to have certain foods in moderation. Including McDonalds. I had a sundae there today for the first time in many years and it was good.
Anyone getting flashes of Claudia Kishi?
Anonymous
08/03/2018 22:05
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, she swam on the swim team all summer and still gained that much?
"Well, I guess with her father she has spent the summer watching TV and eating crap."
OP also said in her post that her daughter swam on a swim team, hence the confusion. Usually swim teams are in the summer.
Anonymous
08/03/2018 21:53
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
why do people let their kids eat junk food, drink soda, Mcdonald, burger king, pizza hut and ice cream in the first place? They are like poison and are banned in my house. It will cause serious health issues later on.
My oldest is 17 years old and the last time we visited a Mcdonald was 11 years ago. The last time he drank soda or ate ice cream was 2008.
That is sad, because ice cream is one of life's small joys.
It is also entirely irrelevant to OP's thread.
And that’s the other extreme. Forbidding your children from ever touching fast food, ice cream or soda isn’t helpful. You have no idea if your 17 yo has had soda in the past 10 years at a party when you haven’t been around. Teach them healthy eating habits and how to have certain foods in moderation. Including McDonalds. I had a sundae there today for the first time in many years and it was good.
Anonymous
08/03/2018 21:13
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:Wow, she swam on the swim team all summer and still gained that much?
"Well, I guess with her father she has spent the summer watching TV and eating crap."
Anonymous
08/03/2018 21:03
Subject: DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Bottom line, the pediatrician was concerned, so you do need to focus on it. FWIW, my DS is the same heigh and age and is 98 lbs, which is 20 lbs more than his last sick visit not too many months ago, and the pediatrician talked to us about his weight too.
We talk to DS about how this is the stage of life where your body is about to change into your adult body. It will happen slowly over the next several years, so especially during this time, he should focus on growing the healthiest adult body he can (kind of like the talk we had when his adult teeth started coming in). We talk about hygiene, exercise, general health, and nutrition, not his height or weight. He is on board and taking this growing into an adult business seriously.
We talk to DS about how this is the stage of life where your body is about to change into your adult body. It will happen slowly over the next several years, so especially during this time, he should focus on growing the healthiest adult body he can (kind of like the talk we had when his adult teeth started coming in). We talk about hygiene, exercise, general health, and nutrition, not his height or weight. He is on board and taking this growing into an adult business seriously.
Anonymous
08/03/2018 20:49
Subject: Re:DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you are right to be concerned, and the comments here minimizing your concern are baffling to me.
30lbs is an astonishing amount to put on over a few months, regardless of whether she is overweight now.
I wouldn’t do anything until you can get to the bottom of the cause.
Poor DD. This must be very hard for her.
I gained 40 pounds and grew 5 inches in the summer between 6th & 7th grade. No one was worried. I didn't mind, because I got new clothes. I am not now, nor have I ever been overweight. Growth spurts happen during puberty.
Growth spurts absolutely happen but that amount of weight gain in that short period is extreme and deserves closer attention.
Anonymous
08/03/2018 20:47
Subject: Re:DD gained 28 pounds over the summer with Dad.
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are right to be concerned, and the comments here minimizing your concern are baffling to me.
30lbs is an astonishing amount to put on over a few months, regardless of whether she is overweight now.
I wouldn’t do anything until you can get to the bottom of the cause.
Poor DD. This must be very hard for her.
+! What's DD's mood like?