Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I chose not to have kids. I'm sure our friends think we're rock solid. Honestly I'm just afraid to leave him because he's my only family. If I had kids, at least I wouldn't fear being alone in the world.

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Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

Huh? What am I missing? Spending hours making small talk with other parents while some pipsqueak plays laser tag? My time is way more valuable than that.

Np. I’m sure I look at my kids with mom goggles on but what I see when I look at them strikes me as beautiful and lovely. I was watching my 6 yo swim around in a pool today pretending to be a mermaid and I thought how cute she was and how I was so lucky to have her in my life. I find them endlessly fascinating. My son just flopped down next to me and I thought “how handsome is he.” He is beautiful to me.

I have these kinds of thoughts all the time. Just looking at them brings joy and pleasure to my heart and raising them gives my life purpose, meaning, and structure.

Not to say I am never frustrated or tired or angry. But the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

Talk to me when they are 17

I think being married with kids is easy. It’s like being in college just fulfilling fun and trivial pursuits. Europe check, conference about coloring for adults check. Being a parent make you re live childhood and see things in a new way. Not just beauty in your kids, but yourself being passed down. It’s a feeling something hobbies or kayaking will never do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

Huh? What am I missing? Spending hours making small talk with other parents while some pipsqueak plays laser tag? My time is way more valuable than that.

Np. I’m sure I look at my kids with mom goggles on but what I see when I look at them strikes me as beautiful and lovely. I was watching my 6 yo swim around in a pool today pretending to be a mermaid and I thought how cute she was and how I was so lucky to have her in my life. I find them endlessly fascinating. My son just flopped down next to me and I thought “how handsome is he.” He is beautiful to me.

I have these kinds of thoughts all the time. Just looking at them brings joy and pleasure to my heart and raising them gives my life purpose, meaning, and structure.

Not to say I am never frustrated or tired or angry. But the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

Talk to me when they are 17

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

Huh? What am I missing? Spending hours making small talk with other parents while some pipsqueak plays laser tag? My time is way more valuable than that.

Np. I’m sure I look at my kids with mom goggles on but what I see when I look at them strikes me as beautiful and lovely. I was watching my 6 yo swim around in a pool today pretending to be a mermaid and I thought how cute she was and how I was so lucky to have her in my life. I find them endlessly fascinating. My son just flopped down next to me and I thought “how handsome is he.” He is beautiful to me.

I have these kinds of thoughts all the time. Just looking at them brings joy and pleasure to my heart and raising them gives my life purpose, meaning, and structure.

Not to say I am never frustrated or tired or angry. But the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

Talk to me when they are 17

NP. She’ll still have her memories of when they were small and snuggly and sweet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Duh! I see so many unhappy families with kids and I feel pretty smug that my DH and I are childfree. We are together because we love each other and not staying together for someone else's sake.

I feel sorry for you. You literally don't know what you're missing.

Huh? What am I missing? Spending hours making small talk with other parents while some pipsqueak plays laser tag? My time is way more valuable than that.

Np. I’m sure I look at my kids with mom goggles on but what I see when I look at them strikes me as beautiful and lovely. I was watching my 6 yo swim around in a pool today pretending to be a mermaid and I thought how cute she was and how I was so lucky to have her in my life. I find them endlessly fascinating. My son just flopped down next to me and I thought “how handsome is he.” He is beautiful to me.

I have these kinds of thoughts all the time. Just looking at them brings joy and pleasure to my heart and raising them gives my life purpose, meaning, and structure.

Not to say I am never frustrated or tired or angry. But the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

Talk to me when they are 17

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

+1 Agree completely. I am the pp who has been with DH for 18 years prior to having kids. Marriage without kids is WAY easier. Doesn't mean we love each other any less but bringing in another person who is totally dependent on you for everything creates a lot more work and stress than only two adults in a relationship. Our DS is 11 now and much easier but our household and lifestyle is all about him which is vastly different than the life we had prekid. We are prisoners of the school calendar for one thing and kid activities. I didn't know any kids prior to having my own but now I am constantly surrounded mostly by 10/11 yr olds and other parents.

You are crazy, if you didn't waste time you could have adult kids by now.

Oh, now i notice you were "together " for 18 years, not married. Do you usually exagerate?

Not married but registered as a domestic partnership for most of the 18 yrs and living together. We got married when I got pregnant, planned.

We didn't want kids when we were younger. DH change his mind however.

We had a lot of fun in my twenties and thirties, his 30s and 40s. Lived in Manhattan, attended a lot of parties all over the world. Had a ball. Don't regret any of it either.

I don’t know why, but this turn of phrase makes me giggle.

Don't know how else to put it. We had a routine, Venice Biennale every two years usually at the same time as a fundraiser to raise money for Venice art restorations, party in Monaco in June every year, etc. Too busy having fun and then DH changed his mind about having children when I turned forty... Best idea he ever had!!! And we got lucky, I got pregnant easily.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

+1 Agree completely. I am the pp who has been with DH for 18 years prior to having kids. Marriage without kids is WAY easier. Doesn't mean we love each other any less but bringing in another person who is totally dependent on you for everything creates a lot more work and stress than only two adults in a relationship. Our DS is 11 now and much easier but our household and lifestyle is all about him which is vastly different than the life we had prekid. We are prisoners of the school calendar for one thing and kid activities. I didn't know any kids prior to having my own but now I am constantly surrounded mostly by 10/11 yr olds and other parents.

You are crazy, if you didn't waste time you could have adult kids by now.

Oh, now i notice you were "together " for 18 years, not married. Do you usually exagerate?

Not married but registered as a domestic partnership for most of the 18 yrs and living together. We got married when I got pregnant, planned.

We didn't want kids when we were younger. DH change his mind however.

We had a lot of fun in my twenties and thirties, his 30s and 40s. Lived in Manhattan, attended a lot of parties all over the world. Had a ball. Don't regret any of it either.

I don’t know why, but this turn of phrase makes me giggle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

+1 Agree completely. I am the pp who has been with DH for 18 years prior to having kids. Marriage without kids is WAY easier. Doesn't mean we love each other any less but bringing in another person who is totally dependent on you for everything creates a lot more work and stress than only two adults in a relationship. Our DS is 11 now and much easier but our household and lifestyle is all about him which is vastly different than the life we had prekid. We are prisoners of the school calendar for one thing and kid activities. I didn't know any kids prior to having my own but now I am constantly surrounded mostly by 10/11 yr olds and other parents.

You are crazy, if you didn't waste time you could have adult kids by now.

Oh, now i notice you were "together " for 18 years, not married. Do you usually exagerate?

Not married but registered as a domestic partnership for most of the 18 yrs and living together. We got married when I got pregnant, planned.

We didn't want kids when we were younger. DH change his mind however.

We had a lot of fun in my twenties and thirties, his 30s and 40s. Lived in Manhattan, attended a lot of parties all over the world. Had a ball. Don't regret any of it either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

+1 Agree completely. I am the pp who has been with DH for 18 years prior to having kids. Marriage without kids is WAY easier. Doesn't mean we love each other any less but bringing in another person who is totally dependent on you for everything creates a lot more work and stress than only two adults in a relationship. Our DS is 11 now and much easier but our household and lifestyle is all about him which is vastly different than the life we had prekid. We are prisoners of the school calendar for one thing and kid activities. I didn't know any kids prior to having my own but now I am constantly surrounded mostly by 10/11 yr olds and other parents.

You are crazy, if you didn't waste time you could have adult kids by now.

Oh, now i notice you were "together " for 18 years, not married. Do you usually exagerate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

+1 Agree completely. I am the pp who has been with DH for 18 years prior to having kids. Marriage without kids is WAY easier. Doesn't mean we love each other any less but bringing in another person who is totally dependent on you for everything creates a lot more work and stress than only two adults in a relationship. Our DS is 11 now and much easier but our household and lifestyle is all about him which is vastly different than the life we had prekid. We are prisoners of the school calendar for one thing and kid activities. I didn't know any kids prior to having my own but now I am constantly surrounded mostly by 10/11 yr olds and other parents.

You are crazy, if you didn't waste time you could have adult kids by now.

Oh, now i notice you were "together " for 18 years, not married. Do you usually exagerate?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were also together 10 years before kids. We were inseparable, went to school together, vacations, lived with his parents for a time, etc. We spent all our time together and were a true team.

Then we had kids.

Now we're getting a divorce 4 years later. It completely changed everything for him and he had a mid-life crisis.

OP, I'm of the opposite view. I think it is so EASY to stay together when you only have to work and be together. Sure there are work or financial stresses (assuming no medical), but it is nothing like being sleep deprived and mentally exhausted for years on end.

+1 Agree completely. I am the pp who has been with DH for 18 years prior to having kids. Marriage without kids is WAY easier. Doesn't mean we love each other any less but bringing in another person who is totally dependent on you for everything creates a lot more work and stress than only two adults in a relationship. Our DS is 11 now and much easier but our household and lifestyle is all about him which is vastly different than the life we had prekid. We are prisoners of the school calendar for one thing and kid activities. I didn't know any kids prior to having my own but now I am constantly surrounded mostly by 10/11 yr olds and other parents.