Reddit r/raisedbynarcissists will give you the answers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

You are an enabler of emotional abuse. Glad I don’t know you.

Probably a perpetrator of emotional abuse who finds it difficult to read about their own behavior online and see that healthy people describe it as "toxic".

OP, your parents are not your family. Your husband and children are your family. Just do whatever you need to do to rid them from your life. Based on what you've described you get nothing good out of the relationship. They need you for their sickness. Don't let them.

These parents are her "support system"? No. I'm not even sure these parents need the OP for their sickness. Maybe, but they really sound more interested in ending the relationship than maintaining it. They want to end it with maximum pain to the OP only because that's more entertaining for them than a more compassionate approach.

Sorry, OP, I know this hurts. You don't deserve this, but this is the hand you've been dealt. Time to decide not to play their game any more. You don't need to communicate your decision to your parents or any one else in your family of origin. Just step away, and focus on healing and living your best life.

OP you need to get in therapy stat! Maybe your parents are right about your husband, not because he is Jewish but he sounds like an ass. I also question your sister accepting her children being treated like gold and your kids being treated like crap.

Why would your husband encourage that? You need to scale way back on the relationship. Not attending the bar mitzvah would be a deal breaker.

My siblings and I have always had "If one of us gets cut from the will, the others are putting you back in" conversations amidst family dramas. (I know tax wise it's not that simple but we would make it that simple).

I too am interested in the dynamic with your sister. Would you have this convo with her? Have you told her they are cutting you out? What are her thoughts? Because this is crazy. I'd be like 'no offense, but in order to protect my own feelings from this whole painful thing I can't hear you complain about them anymore' Why be there for her when she isn't there for you? (if she is planning to happily keep her inheritance without splitting it). That's how it is in my family, anyway- we try to keep each other sane.

I wouldn't engage and would act like I didn't care. Kind of a 'fake it til you make it' with your emotions. I agree with your DH, but it's easy to say when it isn't your own parents you are feeling disappointed in.

Go bare minimum contact OP, and don't invite them on vacations. Make a new "tradition" and have all vacations be nuclear family only. Not sure why your dh would want them tagging along on vacation.

Assume you will see them on certain holidays and talk once in awhile. No need to expose the kids to them any more than you have to.