Anonymous
07/15/2018 20:54
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:OP again. Sorry, since it’s convoluted I didn’t include that SIL and BIL spent the past three weeks here with us, helping to look after FIL. But because of work and so on they can’t stay here until FIL dies, and that’s why she wants him moved to their place. She flew home a couple days early to “set up the house,” whatever that means, and BIL stayed behind and will fly with FIL. DH has a trial and can’t fly with them.
DH is angry that his father is dying. He and SIL don’t agree on how to take care of their father, and there is lots of friction between them, even before this. Emotions are running high.
To a couple other PPs: FIL is here legally, butvis nit eligible for Medicare or Medicaid. His cancer is too advanced for anything but palliative care at this point, so I think the main expenses will be nursing costs and medication.
Why is DH agreeing to this? Why haven't you used that money to hire an aide at least a few hours a day? Sounds like there is more to the story and you cannot care for him.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 20:40
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
I work for Hospice. This story hurts my heart. You don't fly a dying patient across the country for convenience. You have no idea what could happen on that plane. This borders on elder abuse.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 20:37
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:With only 80k in the bank and no insurance, the last thing I would be worried about the cost of a plane ticket. Do you all realize the funeral, burial, etc. will eat a lot of that anyway? It’s prettt silly that anyone is counting on getting any of this 80k.
+1
Seriously. Is he flying alone? Someone should be accompanying him. Coach is not a big deal. But 80k is nothing if you’re expecting hospital stays, surgery, funeral expenses.
PP, before posting, take a moment to actually read before responding. Your post is useless as everything you brought up has been discussed and not an issue.
I missed op’s last update. Sorry about that. I’m sure the seconds lost in reading my response and posting your rude reply were precious. Sorry for having forced you to do it.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 20:32
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:With only 80k in the bank and no insurance, the last thing I would be worried about the cost of a plane ticket. Do you all realize the funeral, burial, etc. will eat a lot of that anyway? It’s prettt silly that anyone is counting on getting any of this 80k.
+1
Seriously. Is he flying alone? Someone should be accompanying him. Coach is not a big deal. But 80k is nothing if you’re expecting hospital stays, surgery, funeral expenses.
PP, before posting, take a moment to actually read before responding. Your post is useless as everything you brought up has been discussed and not an issue.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 20:28
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:With only 80k in the bank and no insurance, the last thing I would be worried about the cost of a plane ticket. Do you all realize the funeral, burial, etc. will eat a lot of that anyway? It’s prettt silly that anyone is counting on getting any of this 80k.
+1
Seriously. Is he flying alone? Someone should be accompanying him. Coach is not a big deal. But 80k is nothing if you’re expecting hospital stays, surgery, funeral expenses.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 20:11
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Guys, OP and her husband aren’t fighting to keep him here, they are fighting over first class vs coach. The doctors said it was fine, apparently they think it’s fine also. Talk of court orders and elder abuse seems irrelevant.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 19:56
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
I've posted before, but really, do you want a fragile person with advanced cancer + incontinence + dementia on a claustrophobic plane with complete strangers for a cross country flight?! Flights get delayed and cancelled all the time. This is the logistics nightmare.
I understand emotions run high and everyone is at various stages of grieving (BTDT), but you and bil (as outsiders) need to be the voice of reason. Keep your FIL here where he already has a team of doctors and is familiar with the care and surroundings. When the time comes, have your husband fly his sister + husband here.
Your SIL presumably is feeling guilty for not being here with her dying dad, but her approach is simply wrong. At this point, it's not about fulfilling her need to care for her dad. It's about making the last days as comfortable as possible.
I understand emotions run high and everyone is at various stages of grieving (BTDT), but you and bil (as outsiders) need to be the voice of reason. Keep your FIL here where he already has a team of doctors and is familiar with the care and surroundings. When the time comes, have your husband fly his sister + husband here.
Your SIL presumably is feeling guilty for not being here with her dying dad, but her approach is simply wrong. At this point, it's not about fulfilling her need to care for her dad. It's about making the last days as comfortable as possible.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 19:48
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:Weddings, death and real estate transactions bring out the worst in some people.
You are a very wise person.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 19:41
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Your DH needs to man up and have a “come to Jesus talk” with his brother and put a stop to this madness.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 19:34
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
First. Flew my parents first class after recovery from a major surgery.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 19:28
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
So this is about SIL's convenience? And FIL will be loaded on TWO planes to be flown out to a house where he'll be cared for by hired help.
THis is nuts, OP. You really need to stop it.
THis is nuts, OP. You really need to stop it.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 19:08
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Who has been providing the day to day care. Do you work? Sounds like your husband is a lawyer so he likely doesn't have time to do a lot of caregiving. Who stays with your FIL day in and day out. Who will be with him at SIL?
Anonymous
07/15/2018 19:01
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
What a horrid little thread title, OP. Shows where your heart and priorities are.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 18:41
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
OP again. Sorry, since it’s convoluted I didn’t include that SIL and BIL spent the past three weeks here with us, helping to look after FIL. But because of work and so on they can’t stay here until FIL dies, and that’s why she wants him moved to their place. She flew home a couple days early to “set up the house,” whatever that means, and BIL stayed behind and will fly with FIL. DH has a trial and can’t fly with them.
DH is angry that his father is dying. He and SIL don’t agree on how to take care of their father, and there is lots of friction between them, even before this. Emotions are running high.
To a couple other PPs: FIL is here legally, butvis nit eligible for Medicare or Medicaid. His cancer is too advanced for anything but palliative care at this point, so I think the main expenses will be nursing costs and medication.
DH is angry that his father is dying. He and SIL don’t agree on how to take care of their father, and there is lots of friction between them, even before this. Emotions are running high.
To a couple other PPs: FIL is here legally, butvis nit eligible for Medicare or Medicaid. His cancer is too advanced for anything but palliative care at this point, so I think the main expenses will be nursing costs and medication.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 18:39
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:It seems ridiculous to me that he is being flown somewhere at all in his condition.
First class vs coach feels like the meaningless distinction here.
This.
A drive with frequents stops seems more humane if an ambulance is unavailable.
I recently flew to Atlanta and there were several very ill looking super seniors on the flight. One began moaning soon after take off and could not be comforted. His wife was insistent he was fine just agitated, but he seemed in discomfort. It stressed everyone out.