Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he's resentful and he wants more fun in his life and feels you get it, even if you don't. Try changing your schedule to meet him halfway, worse case, it doesn't work.
OP here. I think you're exactly right about this. Why does he think I get all this fun? Because I stay up late every night? I don't ever go out with my friends in the evenings (i.e. ladies night out), all the late nights/ travel nights/weekends he is working I am on Mommy Duty 24-7 with zero help. I do all the grunt work of parenting--making meals, packing lunch, doing all laundry, driving all over the place for DC's activities, appointments, etc. And I do all the grunt work of housework to keep the house running in an orderly fashion--grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. Yes, I do stay up really late to get in my own personal time (from about 9 - 1 am) but that is my choice and I sacrifice on sleep to get that time for myself. DH is not willing to sacrifice sleep, working out, or his sport hobby.
I am on Mommy Duty 24-7 with zero help - So change this - get some help.
And I do all the grunt work of housework to keep the house running in an orderly fashion--grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. - So get some help.
DH is not willing to sacrifice sleep, working out, or his sport hobby. - Frankly, he shouldn't have to sacrifice any of these things.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I also wanted to add that DH spends 2 hours on a sport hobby about 2-3 times per week, late in the evenings usually. So like from 8-10 pm 2-3 times per week. He ends up getting to bed late, is exhausted the next day, and then falls asleep while playing with DC which DC doesn't like. But DH refuses to give up this sport. Even though this counts as personal time, DH wants daily personal time in addition, of about 2 hours per day.
That is his free time. If he chooses to spend it on a sport, that is up to him. Frankly, if he wants more personal time, he should dispense with the bother of having a wife and child. He can have plenty of personal time as a divorced man who pays a shitlod of alimony and child support due to abandoning his family.
+1
He already has his free time. If he wants more, then he can cut back his work hours.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he's resentful and he wants more fun in his life and feels you get it, even if you don't. Try changing your schedule to meet him halfway, worse case, it doesn't work.
OP here. I think you're exactly right about this. Why does he think I get all this fun? Because I stay up late every night? I don't ever go out with my friends in the evenings (i.e. ladies night out), all the late nights/ travel nights/weekends he is working I am on Mommy Duty 24-7 with zero help. I do all the grunt work of parenting--making meals, packing lunch, doing all laundry, driving all over the place for DC's activities, appointments, etc. And I do all the grunt work of housework to keep the house running in an orderly fashion--grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. Yes, I do stay up really late to get in my own personal time (from about 9 - 1 am) but that is my choice and I sacrifice on sleep to get that time for myself. DH is not willing to sacrifice sleep, working out, or his sport hobby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he's resentful and he wants more fun in his life and feels you get it, even if you don't. Try changing your schedule to meet him halfway, worse case, it doesn't work.
OP here. I think you're exactly right about this. Why does he think I get all this fun? Because I stay up late every night? I don't ever go out with my friends in the evenings (i.e. ladies night out), all the late nights/ travel nights/weekends he is working I am on Mommy Duty 24-7 with zero help. I do all the grunt work of parenting--making meals, packing lunch, doing all laundry, driving all over the place for DC's activities, appointments, etc. And I do all the grunt work of housework to keep the house running in an orderly fashion--grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. Yes, I do stay up really late to get in my own personal time (from about 9 - 1 am) but that is my choice and I sacrifice on sleep to get that time for myself. DH is not willing to sacrifice sleep, working out, or his sport hobby.
You need to outsource more when DH is at work so you get alone time during the day and don't need it at night. You will find more reliable workers if you pay them and have a set schedule. You need to let go of wanting to do it all by yourself. Make the "date" coffee hour a habit 2x a week when DC is in preschool/school. Then shift your schedule to be closer to DH's- you will have to do this for school soon anyway. I agree with an 8pm bedtime. And you can go to bed earlier to be able to be up earlier. That way DH get some time after 8:00pm.
4 is old enough for your child to help DH with his weekend chores. Any child can learn how to weed the garden.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think he's resentful and he wants more fun in his life and feels you get it, even if you don't. Try changing your schedule to meet him halfway, worse case, it doesn't work.
OP here. I think you're exactly right about this. Why does he think I get all this fun? Because I stay up late every night? I don't ever go out with my friends in the evenings (i.e. ladies night out), all the late nights/ travel nights/weekends he is working I am on Mommy Duty 24-7 with zero help. I do all the grunt work of parenting--making meals, packing lunch, doing all laundry, driving all over the place for DC's activities, appointments, etc. And I do all the grunt work of housework to keep the house running in an orderly fashion--grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. Yes, I do stay up really late to get in my own personal time (from about 9 - 1 am) but that is my choice and I sacrifice on sleep to get that time for myself. DH is not willing to sacrifice sleep, working out, or his sport hobby.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Two hours of free time a day??? That's insane. If he wants that extra time by himself, every day, he should get up two hours earlier to take it.
Nobody who has a spouse, a job, and a small kid is going to get two hours a day unless they carve that time at the edges of the day after the child is asleep or before she awakens.
+100
Anonymous wrote:Two hours of free time a day??? That's insane. If he wants that extra time by himself, every day, he should get up two hours earlier to take it.
Nobody who has a spouse, a job, and a small kid is going to get two hours a day unless they carve that time at the edges of the day after the child is asleep or before she awakens.
Anonymous wrote:Hire a cleaning person once a week and hire a date night sitter once a week or every 2 weeks. You resent him wanting free time because you don't have any. So free up a few hours in the week by outsourcing your cleaning. And 9pm is too late for a 4yo unless he is napping? He should be in bed, lights out by 8.
Anonymous wrote:I’m sure OP would be fine if he gave up his six figure job for a $60K job so he can spend more time with his child.
Isn’t that right, OP?
I’m not sure what women expect sometimes. Someone with high paying career is going to work long hours and be stressed out. If you want a man who spends more time with his kids, then obviously don’t marry an ambitious attorney. Marry the guy with the steady job and modest salary.
But go ahead and take the usual toxic DCUM advice to “divorce him.” I’m the sure the alimony will be terrific. Congratulations.