You sound mean.

One day you will walk into your room and find him dead from suicide. Murderer.

But hey, it's what you want, now isn't it?

I don't understand the lengthy answers.

Bitch

Guy here and I don't think the attacks on you are justified. I don't know how you can stand a man who talks like that. Must be a generational thing? Tell him to save the emo for his emo, misfit friends and try to be a real man around you.

Did no read the thread. Of course you are being a B**ch.

You sound terrible.

You could have had an opportunity to have your H share his feelings and you judged him, put him down, and let your anxieties control you.

Don't have children until you have done individual therapy.

If your H posted I would tell him to run.

Anonymous wrote:You were out of line, OP. Insensitive and mean just for the sake of it. Do you even love your husband? I can’t imagine you do if you can’t even be sensitive to his expression of feeling for 5 minutes.

OP has anxiety over life, so not much different from her misfit toy husband, she just doesn't see it.

You were out of line, OP. Insensitive and mean just for the sake of it. Do you even love your husband? I can’t imagine you do if you can’t even be sensitive to his expression of feeling for 5 minutes.

It just sounds like this was a triggering conversation. I am going to guess that he feels like he is trying to find his way in the world and hasn't found it yet - as someone who also felt that way for a very very long time, I can relate. I can also relate to how exhausting that conversation gets for the less angsty partner - I'm sure you're ready for him to just dig in and stop searching, and just live his adult life with you.

Can I guess: He dreams of quitting his job and traveling; which is something that you actually *can do* if you plan it right and if your partner is on board. You probably do not have that dream and are instead dreaming of financial stability, together.

It's not that either of you is right or wrong. You are just struggling with different things - and your different struggles probably don't jibe well together.

My husband (thank the gods) is very patient with me on these things. He is the one who's more financially responsible in our relationship. I used to get furious with him for not dreaming with me of our more fun run-away-from-everything lives - but then we actually did pick up and move somewhere fun, and we both feel very happy about it. He still doesn't want to travel as much as I do, and I still don't earn enough or save enough for a person of my age - and we still have our conversational triggers, like you're describing. But we also are really committed to each other, and making each other happy, so we make it work.

Anyway - it sounds like an irritating convo for you both. Can you help your husband figure out what he wants to be doing, if it's not what he's doing now? Finding meaning and fulfillment at work is a big deal, if you're one of these island of misfit toys types of people. Can you agree that he'll put XYZ amount into savings each month, in exchange for you giving him some space to explore new careers?

TwistdMike wrote:Whaaa? 4 pages... really?

Call his mom.

Have your mom call his mom.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, OP. I obviously don't know all of the things that have lead up to this in your relationship, so your frustration may be very well justified.

However, taken on its own, it sounds like he was trying to share his feelings with you, and you didn't show any empathy or interest, you took it as an opportunity to criticize him.

I'm guessing you guys may have some bigger issues to work out besides this single conversation and might benefit from therapy if you have trouble talking it through yourselves.

Good luck.

+1 OP, I am guessing you're justified in feeling resentful but this was not the time to express it. Sometimes when people feel bad you just listen. You don't try to fix it. You don't suggest alternative interpretations. You just listen, let the person feel sad but know that they've been heard. Then you bring up the 401k at another place and time.

Whaaa? 4 pages... really?

Call his mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much alcohol was involved?

Or weed? My XH sounded like this when he’d get high.

+1. 30+ yr old men only talk like this when high or on drugs. “Misfit toys”. Lol! R u kidding me....

My 30 yo XBF talked like this when he got drunk. He didn’t have a 401k either or a real job. Now he is dating a 18 yo which is a much better fit... too bad she can’t drink.

Anonymous wrote:How much alcohol was involved?

Or weed? My XH sounded like this when he’d get high.

+1. 30+ yr old men only talk like this when high or on drugs. “Misfit toys”. Lol! R u kidding me....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are never too old to feel awkward and like a misfit. I'm 47 and I sometimes feel this way. The difference is if I told my DH he'd support me and ask me questions instead of ramming my flaws down my throat.

So your DH isn't fully comfortable with himself. What can you do as his partner to support him and help him mature or fund a goal, mission, or purpose to his life? It sounds as if he needs to feel fully accepted for who he is, and you do not fully accept him for who he is.

Try loving him before trying to fix him.

Well, she is apparently trying to help him fit in with his finances, and he refuses. That's what this is about. He **likes** being Peter Pan with his friends.

PP here but not the person that posted the paragraph being quoted but we don’t know if he “likes being Peter Pan” with his friends. For all we know his friends all save in 401Ks but OP will never know in what ways do they feel like outcasts because she shut down the conversation.