Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think east coast people are really rude. As long as it's not a $200 seated wedding dinner, I say .. "the more, the merrier". I grew up in a family with 8 kids. We always welcomed more. We are Catholic and really believe in sharing.

Reading the thread about immigrants made me sick...so many viscious people here. Why not try to live and let live.

Let the people bring others to a cookout. How much does a burger cost anyway cheapie?

What if it rains? What if space is an issue? People invite the people they want to invite for a reason.

Yes, if I invite two families it's beaus my table seats 6, not 8. My kids get along with their kids. If I had wanted to invite others, I would have.

I think it’s weird to ask to bring another family the host already knows and didn’t invite. There’s probably a reason they weren’t invited in the first place.

Someone recently asked if they could bring their newish SO to my parents’ 50th anniversary party that I’m hosting. I thought it was weird, why would your new SO want to come to a close family and friends event where he has only met the honorees twice? But I said yes, of course, even though I have to pay per person for the party and wouldn’t know the SO from John on the street. As it’s one of my parents’ oldest friends, I obviously wanted her there and perhaps she feels awkward about her recent divorce.

I know the etiquette rules say it's wrong, but this is one that has honestly never bothered me. If I'm planning a big casual cookout, then I'm usually planning for a few dozen people coming and going over the course of an afternoon. An extra person - or two, or five - is not going to affect my planning whatsoever. At a more intimate dinner party, I might say "sorry, we only have space for 8 and we're already maxed out", but I certainly don't mind you asking. If I can make it work, I would like the opportunity to do so.

For example, if I had a guest like PP and discovered mid-party that she'd left her mom at home, or had declined my invitation because she had a summer-long guest, that would make me sad! I wish you would ask! I like meeting new people and love welcoming them into my home.

Most importantly, I am hosting a party for my guests more than for myself. I want my guests to be happy and comfortable, so if that means bringing an extra friend or family along, bring it on. It's people that make a party good, not having the exact right number of caprese skewers for a precise 2 per person.

If I'm the one asking: well, I usually know which of my friends have my outlook. I would have no hesitation asking them. I have some other friends that struggle with anxiety, get stressed out easily, or are very rigid in their plans. I would not ask them. If I don't know a host well enough to know which kind of person they are, I guess I'd err on the side of caution and not ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very rude to ask if you can bring uninvited people with you, except for the following situations:

1) the event is one where couples are invited, and the person issuing invitations was unaware you were married or engaged. In that case it is OK to ask if your spouse or fiance can come. The host should apologize abjectly if this happens and the answer should always be "of course!"

2) The event is one where families are invited and the invitation omitted a family member who lives in your home (for example, your stepdaughter will be visiting that weekend.) For example, the invitation to a 4th of July Cookout reads: to Tom, Mary, Jimmy and Jenny But Tom's teen daughter Rachel will be spending July with him, and the host didn't realize that. Perfectly acceptable to ask in that case and very rude for the host to say "no". You don't fail to invite the whole family.

As others say, if you have other visiting family or guests, the correct way to handle it is to say you have visitors and will have to decline. That lets the hosts decide if they want extra guests.

There is NO polite way to let the host know you think they should invite a different local family!

I am very pleased that none of my friends have a stick up their ass like you, PP.

(I clutch my pearls at your language!) No, that's not a stick up my derriere, I just have good posture.

What I wrote is correct manners. If you have a group of friends with a more casual understanding of social events and invitations, that is specific to your group and understood by all, by all means have fun with it! But if you don't know for sure that your social group is a "the more the merrier" crowd, you will be safest following the rules of etiquette I posted.

Anonymous wrote:People do it all the time and I find it rude----unless it was something like out of town family, etc.

But, I still would most likely respond 'no' and say we had family coming into town---and then sometimes you get 'please bring them along'.

I don't ever ask to bring local people, well really anyone.

But, etiquette has gone out the window---thank you cards, RSVPs, this....society is falling apart.

Understand that this is cultural...it's not the end of society.

Most Indian people (including Indian-Americans) would be extremely offended if you declined an invitation rather than asking if you could bring your out-of-town family. In fact, we might even be slightly offended that you even felt that you needed to ask if it were a large enough gathering.

Anonymous wrote:I think east coast people are really rude. As long as it's not a $200 seated wedding dinner, I say .. "the more, the merrier". I grew up in a family with 8 kids. We always welcomed more. We are Catholic and really believe in sharing.

Reading the thread about immigrants made me sick...so many viscious people here. Why not try to live and let live.

Let the people bring others to a cookout. How much does a burger cost anyway cheapie?

Weird regional attack, PP. Most people on the east coast aren't uptight nitwits. Other than that, I agree with you.

Anonymous wrote:It's very rude to ask if you can bring uninvited people with you, except for the following situations:

1) the event is one where couples are invited, and the person issuing invitations was unaware you were married or engaged. In that case it is OK to ask if your spouse or fiance can come. The host should apologize abjectly if this happens and the answer should always be "of course!"

2) The event is one where families are invited and the invitation omitted a family member who lives in your home (for example, your stepdaughter will be visiting that weekend.) For example, the invitation to a 4th of July Cookout reads: to Tom, Mary, Jimmy and Jenny But Tom's teen daughter Rachel will be spending July with him, and the host didn't realize that. Perfectly acceptable to ask in that case and very rude for the host to say "no". You don't fail to invite the whole family.

As others say, if you have other visiting family or guests, the correct way to handle it is to say you have visitors and will have to decline. That lets the hosts decide if they want extra guests.

There is NO polite way to let the host know you think they should invite a different local family!

I am very pleased that none of my friends have a stick up their ass like you, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think east coast people are really rude. As long as it's not a $200 seated wedding dinner, I say .. "the more, the merrier". I grew up in a family with 8 kids. We always welcomed more. We are Catholic and really believe in sharing.

Reading the thread about immigrants made me sick...so many viscious people here. Why not try to live and let live.

Let the people bring others to a cookout. How much does a burger cost anyway cheapie?

Same in mine. I want to be your friend!

Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:I think east coast people are really rude. As long as it's not a $200 seated wedding dinner, I say .. "the more, the merrier". I grew up in a family with 8 kids. We always welcomed more. We are Catholic and really believe in sharing.

Reading the thread about immigrants made me sick...so many viscious people here. Why not try to live and let live.

Let the people bring others to a cookout. How much does a burger cost anyway cheapie?

What if it rains? What if space is an issue? People invite the people they want to invite for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:I think east coast people are really rude. As long as it's not a $200 seated wedding dinner, I say .. "the more, the merrier". I grew up in a family with 8 kids. We always welcomed more. We are Catholic and really believe in sharing.

Reading the thread about immigrants made me sick...so many viscious people here. Why not try to live and let live.

Let the people bring others to a cookout. How much does a burger cost anyway cheapie?

Same in mine. I want to be your friend!

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

This is different. I would ask to bring your mom.

Op’s situation is different. The family she wanted to invite lives here and didn’t make the list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

That's just so sad to me, I'd much rather have an additional guest that have someone decline.

Would you rather have 5 additional guests?

Its ONE not 5. A person or two versus a family who are strangers is a much different situation.

I was talking about the OP - you know, the topic we are all discussing. Its a family, not one person. Try to focus.

Don't get snippy. You quoted the person asking about inviting only her mom and another person's response to that. Try to focus on clarity in choosing your quotes!

To answer your title, yes, it's okay to ask.
As a guest, I wouldn't ask to bring an entire family though, unless the host knows them and didn't know they were in town. (Would only do this with out of town friends)
But also, as host, my mentality is "the more the merrier!" Our door is always open.

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I'm reading this. We were invited to a 4th of July party (My family of 5) and I was going to ask the host of I may bring my mom because she is staying with us for 6 weeks this summer. I was hesitating and now I will just delcine and do something with my mom.

It looks like the invited family wanted to bring along another family, which probably means at least 4 people. I don't see anything wrong with asking if you can bring your mom along it's just one more person.

I think east coast people are really rude. As long as it's not a $200 seated wedding dinner, I say .. "the more, the merrier". I grew up in a family with 8 kids. We always welcomed more. We are Catholic and really believe in sharing.

Reading the thread about immigrants made me sick...so many viscious people here. Why not try to live and let live.

Let the people bring others to a cookout. How much does a burger cost anyway cheapie?