Sound like a smart man...drop it

Anonymous wrote:You’re getting married on a Thursday?

That was my thought. Odd, unless you are going to a courthouse. Which, since you go to church seems odd in of itself.

Wow OP this is not an issue at all don’t let this conniving woman ruin a good thing you have going on. It’s obvious this was intentional on her part.

You are looking at this from the female perspective. Try looking at it from the male perspective.

There may have been elements of that FWB that embarrass him now and maybe she also put demands on him he wasn't willing to meet (pressuring for a long term relationship or engagement). When men make that break with someone they tend to walk away completely. This FWB is history. It's the past. Like a lot of men he doesn't want to be around her or see her or acknowledge her or be reminded of her.

Many men also keep their feelings very private. It's not a bad thing nor is it a wrong thing, they just don't see why they should tell you about this FWB because she is no longer relevant. Men tend to bury unwanted or unpleasant memories or feelings, pretend it never happened by avoiding anything to do with it, and move on with life. To them there's a logic to this. Why dwell on the past?

Avoidance and evading as the method of dealing with conflict can be an issue. This is one of those areas where you could be fine as a couple until you are not. Since it’s too late for pre-marital counseling maybe find some self-help book to get you guys communicating better and able to bring up the uncomfortable conversations.

This is not a big deal at all. You are overthinking and making drama out of nothing.

No big deal. For real.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you can charitably assume he just didn't want to ruin the church for you, this was way in the past, and yeah, he wanted the EX to be a normal person (and from both your description and his experience, she has problems with relationships).

So I do think you are overthinking.

4 years is not way in the past. It’s fairly recent.

It's definitely long enough in the past for him. He met OP and is planning on marrying her tomorrow. This isn't a big lie.

Anonymous wrote:I think you can charitably assume he just didn't want to ruin the church for you, this was way in the past, and yeah, he wanted the EX to be a normal person (and from both your description and his experience, she has problems with relationships).

So I do think you are overthinking.

4 years is not way in the past. It’s fairly recent.

Op, everyone has history - this is insignificant history

Anonymous wrote:I think you can charitably assume he just didn't want to ruin the church for you, this was way in the past, and yeah, he wanted the EX to be a normal person (and from both your description and his experience, she has problems with relationships).

So I do think you are overthinking.

+1

If he has a pattern of doing this, that's one thing, but my guess is he didn't want to identify the woman to you because it might make things awkward for you at your church, which he knew was important to you.

Anonymous wrote:I think she knows exactly who you are. No way it was coincidental, especially since she saw him at church with you before.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure she knows who you are. I agree with the PPs, his lack of candor when directly asked about his reluctance to go in the building is bothersome but not enough to call off the wedding if you don't have any other red flags. How confident are you that he actually cut her off like he said he did?

I think she knows exactly who you are. No way it was coincidental, especially since she saw him at church with you before.

THIS is why he didn't tell you. Smart guy.

Postpone the wedding...not b/c of him, but b/c of you.
YOu sound overly anxious and paranoid.