Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the right action to take when your spouse has no interest in either real intimacy or divorce? Is it possible for both of you to agree that a series of EAs can be acceptable?

A series of EAs? How do you establish relationships with multiple people so easily? Not the same as having multiple one-night stands, where there is no continuing contact and communication. Sounds exhausting.

NP, it is exhausting when you still raising kids. It takes alot of time mutually respect/attraction/patience. I have two partners now who are older than me (kids are older like out of high school). One has gotten physical and the other is on the verge. I wish that my DW would look at me and talk to me(with kindness) like the way these women do. Basically, it validated everything I have known for years now. At a certain point, patience and frustration runs out and I needed to take action.

Then it is not an emotional affair you are having. You are now having a physical affair and about to have another. So does these other women know about the other?

Yes she knows there's another woman interested in me and she has someone else as well. It really isn't an ideal situation and will probably end badly.

Why don't you just end it with the first woman before getting physical with the second?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talking and chatting and sexting...Traded photos (clean) but never met.

DW is 55 and done with sex. It has been more than a year. I keep it quiet but honestly don’t even know if she would care. I would rather do all the sexting and flirting with my wife, but attempts are met with indifference. It is nice to feel wanted, even in cyberspace.

I would have preferred a sex life with my husband but he threw that away. My friend woild have preferred a sex life with his wife but she claimed that menopause made it too painful and they don't even touch (I don't have the heart to tell him what my GP told me- that estrogen cream restores elasticity and function).

So my friend and I began an emotional affair. Now it's physical. As it turns out we love one another, but we have kids, extended families, and spouses who love us in their way, though not sexually.

How did he throw it away?

He stopped having sex with me or even touching me for long stretches. First time was a year. We got back into it. Second time wasn't one big block of time-- he would reject sex at least 1/2 the time I'd initiate, making me feel undesired, but refuses to be the initiating party. That was a stretch of 2+ years when it felt like I was being dated to step up and roll the dice on rejection.

Then we had a reasonably good streak, but then he got depressed, stopped wanting any sex, lost his job, and put on weight. I tried to initiate a few times and he finished very quickly, which is understandable given that we were out of practice. But he sulked about it and forced me to take care of him about it and turned the prospect of trying more into something unpleasant.

I'm the younger, more classically physically attractive, higher drive spouse. I loved him because of a lot of great qualities that felt more important than whether he was hot. Our sex life had been ok before he bailed on it, though I don't prefer to be the one who initiates. Now it's over.

My lover and I have tons of sex. Better sex than my husband annd I ever had. And we love each other and are very close and supportive. But if I could have my first choice, it would be for my husband to have kept his vows and loved and cherished me. That's not possible so here we are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talking and chatting and sexting...Traded photos (clean) but never met.

DW is 55 and done with sex. It has been more than a year. I keep it quiet but honestly don’t even know if she would care. I would rather do all the sexting and flirting with my wife, but attempts are met with indifference. It is nice to feel wanted, even in cyberspace.

I would have preferred a sex life with my husband but he threw that away. My friend woild have preferred a sex life with his wife but she claimed that menopause made it too painful and they don't even touch (I don't have the heart to tell him what my GP told me- that estrogen cream restores elasticity and function).

So my friend and I began an emotional affair. Now it's physical. As it turns out we love one another, but we have kids, extended families, and spouses who love us in their way, though not sexually.

How did he throw it away?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also like to add that I seriously considered suicide during the affair. I posted about it before. I was so invested in the marriage that it was everything to me.

I felt like if I killed myself that it would ruin my wife's life forever. This is not uncommon.

I considered suicide when I learned of my wife's affair... The thought of my daughter growing up without me is the only thing at the lowest point that prevented it.

People have no idea the pain affairs cause.

Not a PP to this thread but I had an affair. Even before my spouse found out, I considered suicide. Method picked out and place. It was the thought of my children growing up without me that kept me from following through as well.

Sometimes both the betrayed and the betrayer have more in common than we think.

It was pretty good and then we f*cked.

Anonymous wrote:If your partner is fantasizing about another person while with you, there is literally zero point being with them.

They aren't yours any more and never will be again.

Read the other thread. Almost Everybody fantasizes about someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the right action to take when your spouse has no interest in either real intimacy or divorce? Is it possible for both of you to agree that a series of EAs can be acceptable?

A series of EAs? How do you establish relationships with multiple people so easily? Not the same as having multiple one-night stands, where there is no continuing contact and communication. Sounds exhausting.

NP, it is exhausting when you still raising kids. It takes alot of time mutually respect/attraction/patience. I have two partners now who are older than me (kids are older like out of high school). One has gotten physical and the other is on the verge. I wish that my DW would look at me and talk to me(with kindness) like the way these women do. Basically, it validated everything I have known for years now. At a certain point, patience and frustration runs out and I needed to take action.

Then it is not an emotional affair you are having. You are now having a physical affair and about to have another. So does these other women know about the other?

Yes she knows there's another woman interested in me and she has someone else as well. It really isn't an ideal situation and will probably end badly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the right action to take when your spouse has no interest in either real intimacy or divorce? Is it possible for both of you to agree that a series of EAs can be acceptable?

A series of EAs? How do you establish relationships with multiple people so easily? Not the same as having multiple one-night stands, where there is no continuing contact and communication. Sounds exhausting.

NP, it is exhausting when you still raising kids. It takes alot of time mutually respect/attraction/patience. I have two partners now who are older than me (kids are older like out of high school). One has gotten physical and the other is on the verge. I wish that my DW would look at me and talk to me(with kindness) like the way these women do. Basically, it validated everything I have known for years now. At a certain point, patience and frustration runs out and I needed to take action.

Then it is not an emotional affair you are having. You are now having a physical affair and about to have another. So does these other women know about the other?

Anonymous wrote:If your partner is fantasizing about another person while with you, there is literally zero point being with them.

They aren't yours any more and never will be again.

100% agree, I say "If someone else can take you from me then you were never really mine"

If your partner is fantasizing about another person while with you, there is literally zero point being with them.

They aren't yours any more and never will be again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the right action to take when your spouse has no interest in either real intimacy or divorce? Is it possible for both of you to agree that a series of EAs can be acceptable?

A series of EAs? How do you establish relationships with multiple people so easily? Not the same as having multiple one-night stands, where there is no continuing contact and communication. Sounds exhausting.

NP, it is exhausting when you still raising kids. It takes alot of time mutually respect/attraction/patience. I have two partners now who are older than me (kids are older like out of high school). One has gotten physical and the other is on the verge. I wish that my DW would look at me and talk to me(with kindness) like the way these women do. Basically, it validated everything I have known for years now. At a certain point, patience and frustration runs out and I needed to take action.

Anonymous wrote:What is the right action to take when your spouse has no interest in either real intimacy or divorce? Is it possible for both of you to agree that a series of EAs can be acceptable?

A series of EAs? How do you establish relationships with multiple people so easily? Not the same as having multiple one-night stands, where there is no continuing contact and communication. Sounds exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:What is the right action to take when your spouse has no interest in either real intimacy or divorce? Is it possible for both of you to agree that a series of EAs can be acceptable?

I think an open marriage is the right choice. Sex matters.

If you stop sleeping with your spouse and declare it permanent, you *have* opened the marriage.

What is the right action to take when your spouse has no interest in either real intimacy or divorce? Is it possible for both of you to agree that a series of EAs can be acceptable?

Anonymous wrote:Talking and chatting and sexting...Traded photos (clean) but never met.

DW is 55 and done with sex. It has been more than a year. I keep it quiet but honestly don’t even know if she would care. I would rather do all the sexting and flirting with my wife, but attempts are met with indifference. It is nice to feel wanted, even in cyberspace.

I would have preferred a sex life with my husband but he threw that away. My friend woild have preferred a sex life with his wife but she claimed that menopause made it too painful and they don't even touch (I don't have the heart to tell him what my GP told me- that estrogen cream restores elasticity and function).

So my friend and I began an emotional affair. Now it's physical. As it turns out we love one another, but we have kids, extended families, and spouses who love us in their way, though not sexually.