Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:55     Subject: Re:What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
How do you spell parent?

C-O-U-R-A-G-E

Have the courage, OP to be happy with your DC's decision and be happy to share it. You are obviously disappointed with your child's choice or prospects, and you are projecting that onto other parents (even if they are nosy or smug).

These nosy types are going to find out anyway. You should be the one to tell them, in as joyful terms as possible, where your child is going.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:51     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Keep answers brief until your kid knows where they're going (oh he's still deciding etc etc). But once you know - just say he's going to X University.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:41     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
I just said, "DS will announce it when he's ready," and after I'd gotten his approval to tell people if they asked why I told them "DS made his decision and we support him."

I don't really give a crap what other people think.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:40     Subject: Re:What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
When parents are quiet I generally assume it's because they are dealing with their kid's emotions. Although I have become convinced that most kids end up happy where they belong, it can take some time to filter initial disappointment. It leaves the parents not knowing how they feel either and some just don't feel better sharing those mixed emotions. Me, I feel better talking it out and I have found real friends to be immensely supportive and good sounding boards. My kid feels the same. But everyone isn't us. It's a good time to practice your coping skills. College is more of the same as the kids seem to be expected to continue the resume race ever earlier during their college years.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:39     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!


This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!


^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.


Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house."

You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage.

My friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.


Pat, I'd like to buy a paragraph, please.


And I actually agree with some of the later posters...

The college choice is a personal one for each DC and his/her family. Where you eventually decide to go to college is your choice, whether you got into an HYP-ish college, or are attending the local community college. And your DC has to own that choice.

I think most people are just happy when they reach a goal they have set out for themselves. Perhaps there is a bit of competition baked in to the accomplishment -- your friend's DC received a golden ticket to Harvard and your DC didn't...Be happy about your DC's journey and what your DC accomplished and reveal in that happiness. But it's not good if so many people are shying away from engaging in the conversation because they don't feel their DC's results measure up. That should never be the case. Your DC performed according to his/her best abilities, and that is something you should always be proud of as a parent. If you are proud, then no need to hide/duck from the conversation.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:36     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:A year after HS graduation, a significant number of classmates from my DD’s big three had transferred colleges. The majority of them were surprisingly to lesser/more local colleges. One mom had mentioned it was a great strategy to get into a more competitive school after being WL but these kids were already there and not enjoying the experience. You need to relax and think about the message you are sending your child. You are too embarrassed to wholeheartedly embrace his future. That is the only shameful aspect of this thread. Everyone understands the randomness of admissions in today’s world. You should be conveying how grateful you are that his safety came through for him.


+1 It's time to start getting excited about all of the great things that your DC's school has to offer. This is a huge milestone in your kid's life. Be proud!

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:25     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
A year after HS graduation, a significant number of classmates from my DD’s big three had transferred colleges. The majority of them were surprisingly to lesser/more local colleges. One mom had mentioned it was a great strategy to get into a more competitive school after being WL but these kids were already there and not enjoying the experience. You need to relax and think about the message you are sending your child. You are too embarrassed to wholeheartedly embrace his future. That is the only shameful aspect of this thread. Everyone understands the randomness of admissions in today’s world. You should be conveying how grateful you are that his safety came through for him.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:10     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Where your child attends college won't be a secret so treating it like it is is a bit weird. You don't need to give details on everywhere they applied but not saying anything about it at all is odd.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:08     Subject: Re:What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:I'm happy for everyone and assume every student will end up at a place that will welcome them and serve them well.

If you want me to be apologetic that my kid's school isn't as highly ranked as your kid's school, or for me to be awe-struck that your kid got into School X, you're out of luck.


I'm happy for all of the kids, too. There are pros and cons to any school choice and I assume that the students have weighed their choices and picked a school that is best for them.

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 12:00     Subject: Re:What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
I'm happy for everyone and assume every student will end up at a place that will welcome them and serve them well.

If you want me to be apologetic that my kid's school isn't as highly ranked as your kid's school, or for me to be awe-struck that your kid got into School X, you're out of luck.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 11:54     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!


This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!


^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.


Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.


Pat, I'd like to buy a paragraph, please.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 11:49     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!


This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!


^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.


Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.


I can see how it would be hurtful that this friend can't seem to share in your good news after you've spent years slapping him on the back for his own good news. That would be disappointing.

Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 11:44     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!


This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!


^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.


Uhhh, if the closed mouthed parent in question had spent their kid's HS years talking about the great activities, friends, dances, sports, clubs that their kid was involved in and then suddenly clammed up around college decision time.....not wanting to discuss....that would seem sort of odd.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 11:41     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is it because your kid got accepted to what DCUM considers a mediocre school? Just own it!


This whole thread is funny! I am going thru this now as a friend is being really quiet about his DC's college acceptances and I'm the type that is okay with announcing news to the world because I feel good about where our DC got accepted. Here's the interesting thing. Friend would be clamoring from the rooftops if his DC had good prospects for college. But I know that is not the case. So when things are good for the friend, the friend is open and happy to share news. But when things are not as positive, then it becomes a silent game and I am seen as bragging about my DC. Honestly, I cannot win, but I guarantee you that if friend's DC had done better in high school, friend would be shouting from the rooftops right now/victory lapping about DC's college pick!


^^you sound like a very smug sort of person. I wouldn't tell you anything--and you would judge me for that.


Smug as it may possibly sound to you (and I am a very nice person), I will never apologize for sharing any family news -- good or bad -- to others where I see fit. This is my happiness and my feeling of pride. If others internalize my happiness as their failure, this is on them because I am only broadcasting my joy. If I am cordial and kind to others, but happened to be a person who gets excited about my own life, people like you will always see anything I say as smugness. If I bought new shoes and shared the news with everyone, I can hear you say "oh she's so smug." If I got that great big house that I worked my butt off for 20 years and smiled telling people the story about how I saved every last penny, I can hear you say "she thinks she's so cool with her new big house." You are a downer. And so is my friend, who has no problem telling everyone he knows that he grew up in a tony location in the U.S. that is very popular in the media and rich travel circles...or that he does this and that or has this advantage or that advantage...my friend can dish it when he's top dog but really wants everyone to be respectful and silent when others attain something that he perhaps wanted and did not get-- such as in this case of a good college choice for DC. So I don't think I'm the one with the problem -- I share the good and bad and eat my humble pie if needed. It's my friend who only wants to share the good and get the heaps of praise when he's accomplishing what he feels is important, and then wants everyone to play considerate and mindful when things do not go his way. I hope you are not that person too.
Anonymous
Post 04/19/2018 11:33     Subject: What Do you Say to Inappropriately Prying, Nosy Parents about College Acceptances?
Anonymous wrote:My kid is going to a school that you might not think is impressive, but we had some choices that were free since my ex-husband is a professor. The problem is that the random lady from band practice doesn't need to know this level of detail so instead she will likely just think my kid is dumber than hers. I"m not ashamed of where my kid is going but I also don't feel like I owe you an explanation of how my family made the decision. I find it odd that so many people ask the question.

Regarding the in-laws, extended family? I like to just say "Oh, she's going to such and such so I guess you win!" People who don't want to admit they're competing hate to be called out on it. I used to love doing that to the sanctimommies as well. "Oh, well then you win! You're the best mom!"


Well your situation is a little tricky because your ex-husband's profession has led to your daughter getting a great break on tuition which is wonderful. It's a wonderful perk but, yeah, I can see how that might be awkward to discuss with just anyone.