Anonymous
04/18/2018 19:59
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:I'm was a happy only child who was on the fence about having a second, ended up going for it and wound up with twins (so three total). I love all my kids, but I also admit that part of me regrets it. No one gets enough attention and life for our first is not worse, but definitely harder now that she has to compete for our time and resources. I wish I had gone with my gut instead of being a sheep and thinking she would be missing out by not having siblings.
This is an honest post and I appreciate it.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 19:58
Subject: Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:DH wanted to stop at 1. I always knew i wanted two. I convinced him about the benefits of having 2 and we could not be happier with our decision. DH now wants a third!
If you can afford it (I know you mentioned tht financially life might be a little harder with 2, but dis not seem inpossible), I would absolutely do it. As of now my kids are each other’s bff. Of course they fight and bikers, but they also always play together, sleepy together, eat together. They love each other so much that’s i could never imagine my life with only 1 of them
Ah, but the thread title is speaking to parents of only children. So you answered because....
Anonymous
04/18/2018 19:31
Subject: Do you regret having just one kid?
We have an 18 month old DD and initially hoped to have 2 or 3 kids. DD took a while, with miscarriages etc before she was born and she's a total delight. We are so, so happy and feel incredibly lucky we even got her. While we'd both still like to have another, we have minimal hope that it will happen naturally, and we certainly don't feel like our family is incomplete. We're happy with our lifestyle, our finances, our real estate options (we're in NYC and actually feel like we can stay with an only child). I know part of me will always be a bit sad that we couldn't have more kids, but, as a PP noted, we're happy with the life we have and actively choose to focus on the positives. I'd frankly have mixed emotions at this point if I found out I was pregnant. Thrilled, but terrified, given how comfortable I've gotten with the idea of one.
There seem to be more only children in the city, too, which helps. None of the isolation I sense from some single-child families I see on DCUM living in the suburbs surrounded by big families.
There seem to be more only children in the city, too, which helps. None of the isolation I sense from some single-child families I see on DCUM living in the suburbs surrounded by big families.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 16:40
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
A slightly different perspective, but I think still relevant.
We knew that we wanted two and would likely regret if we had only one. We discussed it. Since we were both in our 40s and already old. we opted to implant two embryos when we did IVF. Both took and we had twins. Now that they are 6, we are still happy with our choice as we did want two children. One of the benefits of being older parents is that we are much more financially stable than when we were in our 20's and 30's. So, we could afford the IVF and two implantations and the extra expenses that come with two children.
My point is that you should not rule out a second child if you are in your 30s. If your one or two incomes are both expected to continue rising, you might be able to have another child in your 40s when you are more financially stable. If you can afford it, consider freezing some eggs so that you have the option to consider a child when you are more financially stable.
We knew that we wanted two and would likely regret if we had only one. We discussed it. Since we were both in our 40s and already old. we opted to implant two embryos when we did IVF. Both took and we had twins. Now that they are 6, we are still happy with our choice as we did want two children. One of the benefits of being older parents is that we are much more financially stable than when we were in our 20's and 30's. So, we could afford the IVF and two implantations and the extra expenses that come with two children.
My point is that you should not rule out a second child if you are in your 30s. If your one or two incomes are both expected to continue rising, you might be able to have another child in your 40s when you are more financially stable. If you can afford it, consider freezing some eggs so that you have the option to consider a child when you are more financially stable.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 15:51
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't discount the value of financial security. We are planning to retire at 60, and our son will graduate from college with zero debt (if he does it in 4 years!). We have enjoyed (nearly) every moment of raising our son, made wonderful memories as a family and given him a happy childhood and many of the skills he will need to be successful in life. Now we are looking forward to enjoying our senior years in relative comfort and so far in good health. Life is too short to dwell on what might have been; I consider myself to be the luckiest woman in the world because I had the opportunity to be his mom!
you could have easily had at least one more. now you are gonna be bored to death and pestering your DIL for children and visits. very short-sighted.
LOL, because the only reason for women to exist is to raise children and grandchildren.
nope, but it surely sounds more interesting than being retired and doing nothing.
who is doing nothng in retirement? the same mom martyrs who live vicariously through their kids and have no identity other than mom. These are the ones that pester the kid to come visit all the time. Get a life, now.
so what are the interesting things you are doing in retirement? traveling while everyone laughs at you, bothering others with your stories, golfing? retired people are bored and boring.
The retirees I know play musical instruments, paint, travel, tutor kids, coach chess teams, and act as volunteer docents at museums. Some also take jobs that are interesting, but pay a pittance.
+1
My mom is "retired," but actually spends her days implementing a housing program that helps poor people in NYC access housing benefits. She was a lawyer and then a program administrator for special needs kids in NYC, so she's using her skills to help others. Is that interesting enough for you?
is she volunteering or not? if she is a volunteer her work is winless otherwise it would have been paid. so no, not interesting. if she is paid then she is not retired.
This may be the stupidest assertion in the history of DCUM.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 15:39
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
I'm was a happy only child who was on the fence about having a second, ended up going for it and wound up with twins (so three total). I love all my kids, but I also admit that part of me regrets it. No one gets enough attention and life for our first is not worse, but definitely harder now that she has to compete for our time and resources. I wish I had gone with my gut instead of being a sheep and thinking she would be missing out by not having siblings.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 15:04
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Nope. I am SO happy with DD. She is the best. I'm sure if we decided to have a second we would be happy having 2 kids but DH and I are very happy with our decision and have never given it a second thought. The one benefit to one is that they are very easy to fit into your existing routine (not to say we don't do kid things with her) but life is pretty good.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:52
Subject: Do you regret having just one kid?
I'm a single parent with one child. That situation works quite well for us. My child is extroverted and involved in a lot of activities, so I don't worry that he is lonely.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:45
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:20
Subject: Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No I do not regret it. I love having one. And if I am going to be honest I'll say this:
I had a child bc everyone said how awesome it was. Nobody said how hard it was (or if they did I tuned it out). I thought having kids was just what you did and it was this blissful thing.
Well, I am 3 years into parenthood, and it is hard every single day. If any of my child-free friends asked me if they should have kids, I would honestly tell them no. I have struggled every day with having to give so much to one tiny human and have no bandwidth to take care of myself.
When I even think about two kids, now I LISTEN to what people say. And people say it is HARD. My friend just told me yesterday..."when I think back on my life with one, I wonder what I did with all my free time." I personally cannot be happy like that - I am not wired to give in that way. I know that in the long game, siblings are awesome, but the short game would destroy me.
My LO has three half siblings who are older. It is not the same, but we cultivate the relationship as a high priority. And we do same with family and cousins - to the extent that I am actively planning our move south in 2 years so my kid will grow up with his cousins.
on what planet nobody said how hard it was? maybe you weren't listening. most people most of the time talk about difficulties. i knew about sleepless nights 10 years before i had kids.
This. My goodness, I was almost scared off from having kids because everyone constantly talks about how hard it is. ALL THE TIME.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:16
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't discount the value of financial security. We are planning to retire at 60, and our son will graduate from college with zero debt (if he does it in 4 years!). We have enjoyed (nearly) every moment of raising our son, made wonderful memories as a family and given him a happy childhood and many of the skills he will need to be successful in life. Now we are looking forward to enjoying our senior years in relative comfort and so far in good health. Life is too short to dwell on what might have been; I consider myself to be the luckiest woman in the world because I had the opportunity to be his mom!
you could have easily had at least one more. now you are gonna be bored to death and pestering your DIL for children and visits. very short-sighted.
LOL, because the only reason for women to exist is to raise children and grandchildren.
nope, but it surely sounds more interesting than being retired and doing nothing.
who is doing nothng in retirement? the same mom martyrs who live vicariously through their kids and have no identity other than mom. These are the ones that pester the kid to come visit all the time. Get a life, now.
so what are the interesting things you are doing in retirement? traveling while everyone laughs at you, bothering others with your stories, golfing? retired people are bored and boring.
The retirees I know play musical instruments, paint, travel, tutor kids, coach chess teams, and act as volunteer docents at museums. Some also take jobs that are interesting, but pay a pittance.
+1
My mom is "retired," but actually spends her days implementing a housing program that helps poor people in NYC access housing benefits. She was a lawyer and then a program administrator for special needs kids in NYC, so she's using her skills to help others. Is that interesting enough for you?
is she volunteering or not? if she is a volunteer her work is winless otherwise it would have been paid. so no, not interesting. if she is paid then she is not retired.
She does not get paid. She has successfully obtained housing benefits for countless people, helping to prevent them from being homeless, but I guess that's not interesting to you.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:16
Subject: Do you regret having just one kid?
We have a 21 month old, and she has never slept through the night. She's up at 6am every morning, constantly wants to be held from morning to night.
I don't even know HOW we would make a second one, and I'm exhausted even thinking about what it be like to be pregnant and parenting DD.
I think she's actively working to ensure she is an only child.
I don't even know HOW we would make a second one, and I'm exhausted even thinking about what it be like to be pregnant and parenting DD.
I think she's actively working to ensure she is an only child.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:14
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't discount the value of financial security. We are planning to retire at 60, and our son will graduate from college with zero debt (if he does it in 4 years!). We have enjoyed (nearly) every moment of raising our son, made wonderful memories as a family and given him a happy childhood and many of the skills he will need to be successful in life. Now we are looking forward to enjoying our senior years in relative comfort and so far in good health. Life is too short to dwell on what might have been; I consider myself to be the luckiest woman in the world because I had the opportunity to be his mom!
you could have easily had at least one more. now you are gonna be bored to death and pestering your DIL for children and visits. very short-sighted.
LOL, because the only reason for women to exist is to raise children and grandchildren.
nope, but it surely sounds more interesting than being retired and doing nothing.
who is doing nothng in retirement? the same mom martyrs who live vicariously through their kids and have no identity other than mom. These are the ones that pester the kid to come visit all the time. Get a life, now.
so what are the interesting things you are doing in retirement? traveling while everyone laughs at you, bothering others with your stories, golfing? retired people are bored and boring.
The retirees I know play musical instruments, paint, travel, tutor kids, coach chess teams, and act as volunteer docents at museums. Some also take jobs that are interesting, but pay a pittance.
omg travel paint... so pointless and boring.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:14
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't discount the value of financial security. We are planning to retire at 60, and our son will graduate from college with zero debt (if he does it in 4 years!). We have enjoyed (nearly) every moment of raising our son, made wonderful memories as a family and given him a happy childhood and many of the skills he will need to be successful in life. Now we are looking forward to enjoying our senior years in relative comfort and so far in good health. Life is too short to dwell on what might have been; I consider myself to be the luckiest woman in the world because I had the opportunity to be his mom!
you could have easily had at least one more. now you are gonna be bored to death and pestering your DIL for children and visits. very short-sighted.
LOL, because the only reason for women to exist is to raise children and grandchildren.
nope, but it surely sounds more interesting than being retired and doing nothing.
who is doing nothng in retirement? the same mom martyrs who live vicariously through their kids and have no identity other than mom. These are the ones that pester the kid to come visit all the time. Get a life, now.
so what are the interesting things you are doing in retirement? traveling while everyone laughs at you, bothering others with your stories, golfing? retired people are bored and boring.
The retirees I know play musical instruments, paint, travel, tutor kids, coach chess teams, and act as volunteer docents at museums. Some also take jobs that are interesting, but pay a pittance.
+1
My mom is "retired," but actually spends her days implementing a housing program that helps poor people in NYC access housing benefits. She was a lawyer and then a program administrator for special needs kids in NYC, so she's using her skills to help others. Is that interesting enough for you?
is she volunteering or not? if she is a volunteer her work is winless otherwise it would have been paid. so no, not interesting. if she is paid then she is not retired.
Anonymous
04/18/2018 14:10
Subject: Re:Do you regret having just one kid?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don't discount the value of financial security. We are planning to retire at 60, and our son will graduate from college with zero debt (if he does it in 4 years!). We have enjoyed (nearly) every moment of raising our son, made wonderful memories as a family and given him a happy childhood and many of the skills he will need to be successful in life. Now we are looking forward to enjoying our senior years in relative comfort and so far in good health. Life is too short to dwell on what might have been; I consider myself to be the luckiest woman in the world because I had the opportunity to be his mom!
you could have easily had at least one more. now you are gonna be bored to death and pestering your DIL for children and visits. very short-sighted.
LOL, because the only reason for women to exist is to raise children and grandchildren.
nope, but it surely sounds more interesting than being retired and doing nothing.
who is doing nothng in retirement? the same mom martyrs who live vicariously through their kids and have no identity other than mom. These are the ones that pester the kid to come visit all the time. Get a life, now.
so what are the interesting things you are doing in retirement? traveling while everyone laughs at you, bothering others with your stories, golfing? retired people are bored and boring.
The retirees I know play musical instruments, paint, travel, tutor kids, coach chess teams, and act as volunteer docents at museums. Some also take jobs that are interesting, but pay a pittance.
+1
My mom is "retired," but actually spends her days implementing a housing program that helps poor people in NYC access housing benefits. She was a lawyer and then a program administrator for special needs kids in NYC, so she's using her skills to help others. Is that interesting enough for you?