Anonymous wrote:I thought that as long as you don't co-mingle inheritance money with a joint bank account or something it isn't considered as joint assets?

Right, but the high expense of lawyers and court. Vindictive divorces will have a goal to just bleed money that one was not entitled to. The "I will make ____ suffer" mentality. Kind of like Anti-SLAPP statutes for free speech related litigation. Helps prevent litigation from becoming weaponized.

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here. I think your dad's move was the way to go. A lot of trusts now build in language to the effect that a child who marries without a prenup automatically foregoes their bequest. It also is easier on the relationship when you don't have a choice but to get the prenup.

I like that. I am thinking about creating a trust fund and wondering about spend thrift clauses, addiction clauses, etc. to protect the beneficiaries from their folly.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They cry all the time that we don't see them and they wish they were more a part of the children's lives.

NP. From what you've written on this thread, and maybe it's just how you're phrasing things, you don't seem like a very kind person. It's been 20 years and you're still holding a grudge against the people who raised your DH? To the point where you keep their grandchildren from them? What lessons do you think your kids are absorbing from all of that? I suspect it's not "don't sign a prenup."

+1
Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge.

+100

NP. This poster sounds nuts. Depriving your children of a relationship with their grandparents because they offended you 20 years ago? Sheesh. Your poor husband. I’m sure you’re a peach.

We had kids one year after getting married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They cry all the time that we don't see them and they wish they were more a part of the children's lives.

NP. From what you've written on this thread, and maybe it's just how you're phrasing things, you don't seem like a very kind person. It's been 20 years and you're still holding a grudge against the people who raised your DH? To the point where you keep their grandchildren from them? What lessons do you think your kids are absorbing from all of that? I suspect it's not "don't sign a prenup."

They made our engagement hell. We at one point went to vegas to elope. Though we didn't go through with eloping. They would lie and tell DH and me to come over so they can apologize, so we would come and then there was no apology--only them talking about a prenup. They are very controlling. The best thing we ever did for our marriage was move away. I was bitte for a long time. I don't think I am anymore.

Also, I watched DH's brother get married shortly after and there was no mention of a prenup. Of course I took that personally. Funny thing is, they divorced soon after. My ILs bet on the wrong horse.

New poster. I don't believe one word you're writing here. Except for the bitter part. You are still bitter, and I have a feeling you played a big role in your husband's estrangement from his parents. You seem to find joy in that, and I think it's really sad.

I think you're a really mean person.

What do you think I am lying about?
They aren't estranged. Just aren't close.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here. I think your dad's move was the way to go. A lot of trusts now build in language to the effect that a child who marries without a prenup automatically foregoes their bequest. It also is easier on the relationship when you don't have a choice but to get the prenup.

I like this advice. Presented this way, it seems less personal. Especially if applies to every child.

Yes, it's very smart.

I like it too. I'm going to keep it in mind as I get older re: my own children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They cry all the time that we don't see them and they wish they were more a part of the children's lives.

NP. From what you've written on this thread, and maybe it's just how you're phrasing things, you don't seem like a very kind person. It's been 20 years and you're still holding a grudge against the people who raised your DH? To the point where you keep their grandchildren from them? What lessons do you think your kids are absorbing from all of that? I suspect it's not "don't sign a prenup."

They made our engagement hell. We at one point went to vegas to elope. Though we didn't go through with eloping. They would lie and tell DH and me to come over so they can apologize, so we would come and then there was no apology--only them talking about a prenup. They are very controlling. The best thing we ever did for our marriage was move away. I was bitte for a long time. I don't think I am anymore.

Also, I watched DH's brother get married shortly after and there was no mention of a prenup. Of course I took that personally. Funny thing is, they divorced soon after. My ILs bet on the wrong horse.

New poster. I don't believe one word you're writing here. Except for the bitter part. You are still bitter, and I have a feeling you played a big role in your husband's estrangement from his parents. You seem to find joy in that, and I think it's really sad.

I think you're a really mean person.

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here. I think your dad's move was the way to go. A lot of trusts now build in language to the effect that a child who marries without a prenup automatically foregoes their bequest. It also is easier on the relationship when you don't have a choice but to get the prenup.

I like this advice. Presented this way, it seems less personal. Especially if applies to every child.

I am very confused by this post. How would your ex-SIL have otherwise been entitled to any money from the trust if she wasn’t a beneficiary as defined by the trust documents? There are many trusts that are written so spouses will not inherit.

I'm fine with prenups and think they're smart. That said, i think there's a big difference between a prenup because the spouse is coming into a marriage with significantly more of their own earned assets, compared with a prenup where the inlaws are requiring it for their own earned assets. I'm very sympathetic to the latter. Think about it: The inlaws have this money that they have worked for, reasonably want the money to pass on to their kids, but will have zero control over whether half the assets end up being siphoned off in a divorce. Why? Because they can't control who their kid marries, but more importantly they will have no control over the day to day behaviors in that marriage, or any control over the decision to get divorced. It's not unusual or unreasonable for a person to put conditions on their income gifts -- people do it all the time when they put money into trust. I see no difference in inlaws requiring a prenup. Same thing. Just keeps the money in the family.

I had a discussion with a friend years ago about this very thing. She's a romantic. I'm pretty practical. I said if you have assets, you should get a pre-nup. It's like insurance. You don't buy insurance because you're planning for there to be a fire. You're buying insurance so that IF there is a fire, you can replace your stuff and it's less life-ruining. If you divorce and you have a pre-nup, you're still emotionally devastated but at least you still have your assets and you're not also financially devastated.

She didn't agree with me at the time but now that she owns two properties, she is all about the pre-nup too. For me, I would want to preserve my assets for my daughter or for myself and not risk losing everything if the guy I married turned out to be not the person I thought he was.

Also, I have two friends who have lost significant assets to divorce. One female, one male.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They cry all the time that we don't see them and they wish they were more a part of the children's lives.

NP. From what you've written on this thread, and maybe it's just how you're phrasing things, you don't seem like a very kind person. It's been 20 years and you're still holding a grudge against the people who raised your DH? To the point where you keep their grandchildren from them? What lessons do you think your kids are absorbing from all of that? I suspect it's not "don't sign a prenup."

+1
Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge.

+100

NP. This poster sounds nuts. Depriving your children of a relationship with their grandparents because they offended you 20 years ago? Sheesh. Your poor husband. I’m sure you’re a peach.

Also, when someone is controlling, they are like that with my kids too. My MIL said we were not looked to tell her what to do when we said the kids need a car seat, she said she raised kids and knows what is best for her grand kids.
So, no I'm not going to put up with that. There is more to stories than what I wrote in one post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They cry all the time that we don't see them and they wish they were more a part of the children's lives.

NP. From what you've written on this thread, and maybe it's just how you're phrasing things, you don't seem like a very kind person. It's been 20 years and you're still holding a grudge against the people who raised your DH? To the point where you keep their grandchildren from them? What lessons do you think your kids are absorbing from all of that? I suspect it's not "don't sign a prenup."

They made our engagement hell. We at one point went to vegas to elope. Though we didn't go through with eloping. They would lie and tell DH and me to come over so they can apologize, so we would come and then there was no apology--only them talking about a prenup. They are very controlling. The best thing we ever did for our marriage was move away. I was bitte for a long time. I don't think I am anymore.

Also, I watched DH's brother get married shortly after and there was no mention of a prenup. Of course I took that personally. Funny thing is, they divorced soon after. My ILs bet on the wrong horse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Responding again...I don't think I was unreasonable to mention that I'd like to have something in writing saying that if things don't work, I'd like to at least protect my savings that I brought into the marriage

And yes .. outside of the DCUM bubble of rich people, that's a lot of money

I live in Toronto and that’s not a lot of money. Good god, my nephew lives in his parents basement at a dead end job and has 100k saved up and he isn’t even 30.

Isn't 100k in Canadian dollars like 150 USD?

100k cdn is 80usd.