Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Wow, op, you're cold. I've been accused of being aloof, but you've got me beat by a mile.

Just playing devils advocate here.

Plenty of people in this thread said it was perfectly fine for communication to strictly go through the sibling to his family and to leave the SIL/op out of the conversation, how is this situation any different? http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/717564.page

yeah, responses on that thread were weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Wow, op, you're cold. I've been accused of being aloof, but you've got me beat by a mile.

Just playing devils advocate here.

Plenty of people in this thread said it was perfectly fine for communication to strictly go through the sibling to his family and to leave the SIL/op out of the conversation, how is this situation any different? http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/717564.page

Because there's a huge difference between saying "you should handle scheduling/set boundaries with people on your own side of the family" and "my relationship is with my brother, not her." Should he handle the boundary setting, remembering birthdays, and sending regrets when they can't make a family vacation? Absolutely. But OP has taken that and turned it into "I have no relationship whatsoever with my SIL and it's intrusive of her to acknowledge my existence or celebrate the birth of my child by sending thoughtful presents."

That's nuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Wow, op, you're cold. I've been accused of being aloof, but you've got me beat by a mile.

Just playing devils advocate here.

Plenty of people in this thread said it was perfectly fine for communication to strictly go through the sibling to his family and to leave the SIL/op out of the conversation, how is this situation any different? http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/717564.page

OMG, just read OP's update! You are seriously messed up! Is SIL's your brother's wife? And all communication with your ILS is to go through your DH? Do you care for anybody at all in your life? That poor baby, she has a psycho for a mom!

Wow, this is really cold and not a way to treat family. Please embrace your baby's aunt. You are the broker of her relationship with her family at this age!

Let her enjoy the birth of her niece. Why is that so difficult? Send thank you notes. What a joy sucking vampire do you have to be? Is this her first niece and nephew? So normal and so wonderful. I can't understand how has the thought of anything but, "how nice she is," even occurred to you. You know that giving is so much more joyful to many than receiving? Why wasn't she invited to baby shower?

Maybe she's giving all this love to your child because she's sees how cold-hearted you are and wants your baby to feel love and warmth for a change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Good God--did it never occur to you that you could have a good relationship with both of them? That their children will be your children's cousins?

Are you afraid that your brother is somehow not interested and is letting his wife take over the relationship or something? I think you need to take a breath here.

+1
You are being really short-sighted OP, in addition to being petty and mean-spirited.

Trust me, your life is not so amazing that your SIL is desperate to weasel her way in. She's trying to reach out and show interest in her niece/nephew, and you're just nasty about it. I feel sorry for her, but also for your kids, because they are going to miss out on a relationship with extended family because of your cold, narrow heart.

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell whether your SIL is your husband's sister or your brother's wife.

She keeps changing the story

I can't tell whether your SIL is your husband's sister or your brother's wife.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Good God--did it never occur to you that you could have a good relationship with both of them? That their children will be your children's cousins?

Are you afraid that your brother is somehow not interested and is letting his wife take over the relationship or something? I think you need to take a breath here.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

This is the oddest thing I've ever read. I have two brothers, they've both been married for a while, and while their spouses are not blood relatives of mine, they are family members of mine since they married my siblings. I don't consider acknowledging them, or buying gifts for their children to be 'fawning'. My SILs are naturally a part of my life because they are the mothers of my nieces and nephews, they are my child's aunts, we see each other at family events, so I know them reasonably well after 10+ years of family get togethers. I do tend to directly communicate to my brothers about scheduling for said family events--mostly because I think that they should be responsible for managing their primary family interactions and saying yes or no. You do realize that this is how a lot of family's operate, yes? Are you from a bad family situation where everyone just looked out for themselves? A lot of people are more generous with their family and extended family.

Anonymous wrote:You didn't invite your DIL to your shower? You suck, OP.

Meant SIL. Same message. And she still purchased big ticket items for your baby. She out classes you by miles.

You didn't invite your DIL to your shower? You suck, OP.

It’s so sad bc it’s clear your sil is trying to win your approval, and the more you reject and hurt her, the more she will try to please you. I hope she wises up soon and stops wasting her time until you change significantly.