Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 14:10     Subject: Re:Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think the reason we have been waiting so long to adopt is our ages, DH and I are both 40. I think birth mothers in general prefer younger adoptive parents.

Anyhow, I also wanted to add that one of the main reasons that I am drawn to this child is because this child is the exact same ethnicity/culture as me and my husband (which is rare to find). The thought of being able to provide this child with the exact same traditions/culture of his/her birth parents/family that he/she probably would not be able to experience with another adoptive family, really warms my heart. While we are open to a child of any race/ethnicity, when this child's situation was presented to us and I learned that he/she is of the exact same ethnicity as us, I felt like I could really provide this child with a meaningful environment to grow up in.

Also, by coincidence, this child has the exact same (traditional in our culture) name that I was planning on giving my second child, if I was ever able to have one.


Maybe it's meant to be?!?!? I'd look more into it, get more medical info about this specific child, etc.


that's dangerous magical thinking, as is OP's attachment to the culture/ethnicity of the child. It's purely a coincidence that this child has the same ethnicity. A coincidence is NOT a reason to undertake a major, life-changing responsibility. "meant to be" won't tell you if you actually have the resources.


What do you possibly mean that it's "dangerous" magical thinking? The child is not dangerous. It sounds like the OP and her husband are well positioned to care for this child--they are financially stable and she doesn't work very many hours. If they feel inclined to do it they should go for it. Feeling drawn to adopt the child because of her name and ethnicity is no different from someone deciding to name their child Iris because they like irises, or deciding it's time to have children because they were touched by the parent-child relationship in some TV show. The decision to have children (or how many to have) is largely about emotion, not rationality.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 14:06     Subject: Re:Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
OP here. I will say though that we do not have a strong support network. We have no local family, and our families are not involved (Grandparents rarely visit, just aren't interested or involved).

We have small extended families, so there are no cousins/aunts/uncles. That's a big reason why we really want to have a second child--to grow our family, since our families are tiny and not involved.

We have friends and a sense of community but maybe that is not enough. We have an occasional babysitter but no childcare help (but I'm a SAHM pretty much and haven't needed any).

Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:52     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not adopt a DS child unless I were a SAH who could devote ample time to him/her.


OP here. I am a SAHM, I work very part-time (10 hours per week) in a non-career oriented job. DH is a CEO of a large company.


This sounds like really a best case scenario. None of us get any guarantees, but you seem grounded, thoughtful, and secure enough to take this on.

+1
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:50     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not adopt a DS child unless I were a SAH who could devote ample time to him/her.


OP here. I am a SAHM, I work very part-time (10 hours per week) in a non-career oriented job. DH is a CEO of a large company.


This sounds like really a best case scenario. None of us get any guarantees, but you seem grounded, thoughtful, and secure enough to take this on.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:49     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:Don't listen to the "so much joy" posters. That purely depends on the resources of the parents, the personality of the parents, and the challenges the child faces, which can all vary ENORMOUSLY.

There's no one answer to this; but all adoption involves potential special needs.

I think the questions to ask yourself are: are you the type of family that handles stress well? Do you look on the bright side? Do you feel like parenthood was easy? Do you have a good support network?

If the answers to all those questions are "yes," and you WANT to adopt this baby, then I think it's a good choice.

For me personally, I haven't dealt well with the stress of one child, have a crappy marriage, and weak support network, and not a lot of financial resources. So it would not be a good decision for me.

This.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:47     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
I don't know. I would be very concerned about long term issues when I am dead/too old to care for the child.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:46     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
OP - I sense you want this child. I think you are a special woman and I wish your family much happiness, success and love!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:39     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:I would not adopt a DS child unless I were a SAH who could devote ample time to him/her.


OP here. I am a SAHM, I work very part-time (10 hours per week) in a non-career oriented job. DH is a CEO of a large company.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:25     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad that the brith mom gave up her baby with down syndrome.


better than aborting! at least the child gets to live and has a chance for a loving family where he or she would be wanted


Aborting early in the pregnancy would be my choice if I was having a baby with Down's Syndrome. Could not imagine giving up a baby once I gave birth, regardless of the outcome.

I pray this kid gets a special family.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:23     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't but I would be deeply impressed by someone who did.


Perfect way to put it.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:23     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:No. We couldn't do it.


+ 1.

Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:20     Subject: Re:Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?


No. I have a SN child already. It's a daunting amount of work, and the future is scary.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 13:15     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Yes
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 12:55     Subject: Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
I would not adopt a DS child unless I were a SAH who could devote ample time to him/her.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2018 12:48     Subject: Re:Would you adopt a child with Down Syndrome?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think the reason we have been waiting so long to adopt is our ages, DH and I are both 40. I think birth mothers in general prefer younger adoptive parents.

Anyhow, I also wanted to add that one of the main reasons that I am drawn to this child is because this child is the exact same ethnicity/culture as me and my husband (which is rare to find). The thought of being able to provide this child with the exact same traditions/culture of his/her birth parents/family that he/she probably would not be able to experience with another adoptive family, really warms my heart. While we are open to a child of any race/ethnicity, when this child's situation was presented to us and I learned that he/she is of the exact same ethnicity as us, I felt like I could really provide this child with a meaningful environment to grow up in.

Also, by coincidence, this child has the exact same (traditional in our culture) name that I was planning on giving my second child, if I was ever able to have one.


Maybe it's meant to be?!?!? I'd look more into it, get more medical info about this specific child, etc.


that's dangerous magical thinking, as is OP's attachment to the culture/ethnicity of the child. It's purely a coincidence that this child has the same ethnicity. A coincidence is NOT a reason to undertake a major, life-changing responsibility. "meant to be" won't tell you if you actually have the resources.