When I was single went to Hedonism in Jamaica for week. Two married guys there told me they tell their wives go deep sea fishing one week a year last 20 years and always go to Hedonism.

Maybe your husband is not gay after all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's gone all the time, there's your chance to start figuring out a more satisfying social life without him. If you like your couples friends, invite them to go out when he's not around, or just invite the women. Or, make new friends. That will be good for you whether you decide to stay married or eventually leave.

While he's gone socialize with others, meet new people, get an STD panel, find a good lawyer, work on your life. Use an equal amount of money as he is, getting therapy and having fun while he's gone.

I don't think you all have any idea how difficult it is for a woman in her early 60s to make a new life. I'm not sure I have enough courage to even try.

Well, if he keels over dead you'd have to do the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s not camping. You know he’s not. At some point you’ll have to deal with what he’s up to. You know you need to confront him.

Our social life is a couples thing and while he might survive a divorce, I'd be dropped. I don't want to be that lonely old woman so I guess I'm stuck and he knows it.

This is one of the saddest things I have read on DCUM. You are worth way more than how he is treating you, OP. Are you talking to a therapist? Life is so short-- don't give up your happiness because you are afraid of temporary pain. You can make new friends and create new happiness. You sound depressed, which is totally understandable, but I hope you will take the first step, talk to a therapist, start standing up for yourself, be your own advocate here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's gone all the time, there's your chance to start figuring out a more satisfying social life without him. If you like your couples friends, invite them to go out when he's not around, or just invite the women. Or, make new friends. That will be good for you whether you decide to stay married or eventually leave.

While he's gone socialize with others, meet new people, get an STD panel, find a good lawyer, work on your life. Use an equal amount of money as he is, getting therapy and having fun while he's gone.

I don't think you all have any idea how difficult it is for a woman in her early 60s to make a new life. I'm not sure I have enough courage to even try.

OP, assuming this is you, you should get a depression screening from your doctor. This defeatist attitude is likely a symptom of depression. Lots of women in their 60s start doing new things. Their kids are out of the house, some of them retire, their husbands die, they get divorced. You are not the only one who needs new social outlets. You don't have to start an entirely new life, you just need to start new habits of seeing existing friends for lunch regularly, or start volunteering, or take a class. If this all sounds overwhelming, all the more reason to get screened for depression.

She needs to talk to her husband and find out what the heck he is doing and what the heck is going on.

I totally get not wanting to disrupt your life. So stay put but protect yourself in every way possible. Take measures to safeguard the money. If you're still intimate, practice safe sex and get checked. Start branching out, and make your own social connections.

Having been there, I would start a calendar on his disappearances, because unless you both choose this lifestyle, your divorce attorney is going to want to know how many trips he went on and how much was spent on these trips, which may be very helpful for you.

I would sit him down and that tell him that this situation has to stop. That I am feeling disrespected, lied to, ignored and that I don't feel I deserve this. That this money spent on his pleasures is OUR money, and that he is therefore creating an situation that is hugely unfair to me.

Then I would ask him to tell me the truth on several matters: Has he had sexual relations with other people? Is he aware he could have STDs? Has he thought about how his liefstyle is affecting me at all, or has he become completely selfish in his old age?

If he cannot respond satisfactorily to these questions, I would find a way to ensure my financial security, since that man would no longer have my best interest at heart. That means opening a new private account and moving money into it, separating joint accounts, and seeing a lawyer to discuss protecting my assets (a conversation which should include divorce, of course).

Losing a trying and un-supportive partner is nothing, OP, compared to losing the means to live an independent life.

I also want to note that in rare cases, people become aggressive and/or promiscuous because of brain tumors. But that shouldn't change your reaction, because those patients also tend to run away with the money!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's gone all the time, there's your chance to start figuring out a more satisfying social life without him. If you like your couples friends, invite them to go out when he's not around, or just invite the women. Or, make new friends. That will be good for you whether you decide to stay married or eventually leave.

While he's gone socialize with others, meet new people, get an STD panel, find a good lawyer, work on your life. Use an equal amount of money as he is, getting therapy and having fun while he's gone.

I don't think you all have any idea how difficult it is for a woman in her early 60s to make a new life. I'm not sure I have enough courage to even try.

OP, assuming this is you, you should get a depression screening from your doctor. This defeatist attitude is likely a symptom of depression. Lots of women in their 60s start doing new things. Their kids are out of the house, some of them retire, their husbands die, they get divorced. You are not the only one who needs new social outlets. You don't have to start an entirely new life, you just need to start new habits of seeing existing friends for lunch regularly, or start volunteering, or take a class. If this all sounds overwhelming, all the more reason to get screened for depression.

My husband goes on solo trips or with male friends once or twice a year. He always asks and we check the budget (it usually ends up being my birthday and Christmas gift to him). That said... he’s also about family trips. We do one major and one minor family trip each year. He will also FaceTime us, and posts pictures from his trip.
But is he was never into family trips... and doesn’t get into the whole budgeting the trip out... I would wonder.
Does he have no interest at all in family trips, or are you suggesting places he hates?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's gone all the time, there's your chance to start figuring out a more satisfying social life without him. If you like your couples friends, invite them to go out when he's not around, or just invite the women. Or, make new friends. That will be good for you whether you decide to stay married or eventually leave.

While he's gone socialize with others, meet new people, get an STD panel, find a good lawyer, work on your life. Use an equal amount of money as he is, getting therapy and having fun while he's gone.

I don't think you all have any idea how difficult it is for a woman in her early 60s to make a new life. I'm not sure I have enough courage to even try.

My mother did it. My father died when she turned 60. Yes, it's hard. But it can be done. You have to be socially active, and get out and meet people. My mother has had a boyfriend for over 10 yrs now. Neither wants to remarry (both widowed), but they spend all of their free time traveling, sailing, doing yoga, playing tennis and golf. Widowed/divorced, same thing after that long a time. Death of a relationship. You mourn, you move on. You can do it.

Having a spouse die does not involve dividing up marital assets and walking away from your decades long marriage and life that you've both worked so hard to build together. Most of all you keep the treasured memories and the love that you've both shared.

Widows get sympathy and time to mourn. They often have the benefit of life insurance to help them through the early days of grief.

When a divorce happens. That's it. You divide up your stuff, go your separate ways and buck up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's gone all the time, there's your chance to start figuring out a more satisfying social life without him. If you like your couples friends, invite them to go out when he's not around, or just invite the women. Or, make new friends. That will be good for you whether you decide to stay married or eventually leave.

While he's gone socialize with others, meet new people, get an STD panel, find a good lawyer, work on your life. Use an equal amount of money as he is, getting therapy and having fun while he's gone.

I don't think you all have any idea how difficult it is for a woman in her early 60s to make a new life. I'm not sure I have enough courage to even try.

Why do you think your friends would choose him over you, especially if he is the one cheating on you and treating you horribly?

Im the pp and it's not easy to make a new life, but I'm doing it in my 50s and have known many women who have to...in their 50s and 60s. Many if my friends are going thru divorces right now and having to start everything over..

If OPs DH ditches her for someone he meets camping, she will have to start a new life anyhow. I've had to move to DC with my dh's job and am trying to make all new friends, new house, find a new job all in my 50s. It is harder to make friends here than other places I have lived, but I am trying.

Best to slowly acquire new hobbies and make some new (non couple) friends now, while she can do it at her own pace. Maybe volunteer somewhere new? Try a new church or religious group alone, tell them your dh travels all the time and you are a "camping" widow.

Also, start telling your couples friends you are lonely because your dh is gone for long stretches "camping" and would love to get together without him since you never know when he will be home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's gone all the time, there's your chance to start figuring out a more satisfying social life without him. If you like your couples friends, invite them to go out when he's not around, or just invite the women. Or, make new friends. That will be good for you whether you decide to stay married or eventually leave.

While he's gone socialize with others, meet new people, get an STD panel, find a good lawyer, work on your life. Use an equal amount of money as he is, getting therapy and having fun while he's gone.

I don't think you all have any idea how difficult it is for a woman in her early 60s to make a new life. I'm not sure I have enough courage to even try.

Why do you think your friends would choose him over you, especially if he is the one cheating on you and treating you horribly?

Camping in a tent with intermittent nights in motels. Lots of meals in nice restaurants. Taking lots of cash out of ATMs. I think he's paying for BJs from men or women, I'm not sure which. I'm not sure it matters.

Hookers (male or female) makes the most sense here. Need cash to pay them and he is taking them to nice restaurants as part of the fee. It is half your money, OP.

You should be able to put a stop to this by moving money into another account when he leaves. However, this only works if you want it to.

Brokeback

My prediction is OP will do nothing. It's okay, perfectly valid choice. Some people are just not as bothered by some stuff (like a gay husband draining funds, getting nookie on the side) as others. She's clearly lived with this for decades - why stop now? Some people are just born to be doormats.