Anonymous
03/19/2018 21:39
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Oh, I thought this was going to be about helicopter parenting and expecting perfection from our kids. I think that's what's causing all of the anxiety and depression, not smart phones. The kids don't have their own lives, they are not allowed to be independent and make mistakes. They are coached and coddled on every aspect of their lives from a young age and expected to get into the best schools, etc. Smart phones are a red herring.
You can't have it both ways... you claim smart phones are the issue, but if kids should have their own lives and parents not be involved, why not let them have the phones. If you are not spending time with your kids why complain how they spend their time.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 21:30
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Oh, I thought this was going to be about helicopter parenting and expecting perfection from our kids. I think that's what's causing all of the anxiety and depression, not smart phones. The kids don't have their own lives, they are not allowed to be independent and make mistakes. They are coached and coddled on every aspect of their lives from a young age and expected to get into the best schools, etc. Smart phones are a red herring.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 21:02
Subject: Re:Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
6th grade is middle school in Arlington.
I would say 95% of 6th graders have a cell phone. Many ha e their parents old models of iPhones.
I would say 95% of 6th graders have a cell phone. Many ha e their parents old models of iPhones.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 20:37
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
My teen doesn't have a cell phone.
What's your excuse, OP?
Humm...ok, so your point is what? How sad if they have an emergency they cannot contact you or someone for help.
HAHAHA that is how bad parents just giving their kids a cell phone. generations and generations of kids survived without cell phones.
Seriously. When no one else had cell phones either. There may have been a pay phone here or there, but mostly out on your own for hours and hours staring at age 6/7. Now all adults have them and every store/business has a phone. Your kid really doesn’t even need one and if he had one, it can be for dialing a few numbers only, not a $700 smart phone with monthly services all paid for by Mommy and Daddy.
Ok, so you had neglectful parents. At 6/7 we were not off on our own. Not all iPhones or smart phones cost $700. And, yes parents should pay for phone service. What next, you expect your kids to pay for their own food and clothing. You sound as selfish as your parents were to you. I have no issue with my child having a iPhone or other phone. Yes, I will pay for it. It is for me, not for them.
DP. Completely disagree with you. In the 70s and 80s, kids just went and played outside in their neighborhood. We weren't far away, but our parents weren't hovering over us every second of the day either. We were not neglected, you are a helicopter parent. We were fine without smartphones.
People who give their kids access to smart phones before high school are idiots. That's neglectful parenting. Even high school kids don't really have the maturity and reasoning capabilities to handle social media. If we are honest, many adults don't either.
We always had a parent or neighbor supervising. 6-7 year olds should be supervised. You complain your kids aren't connected to you and don't care about family time, well, this is why. You don't make it a priority to spend that time with your kids or even play with them.
My kids have access to all the devices. My 8 year old will get a phone in a few months for camp. Mine use it to stay connected to family. They call and text their aunts, their grandparents including ones in another country all the time. Everyone loves it. It may tear apart your family because of how they/you use it but for us it keeps us connected.
I get so tired of kids coming up to play with us on the playground when their parents are either ignoring them or not there. When we bring food, it amazes me how many kids just help themselves and parents don't care that their kids take food from strangers or even ask/thank us.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 20:14
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Phones are devices. Maybe instead of blaming the phone, you should step up your parenting and monitor the devices and have more family time.
This.
I think it's totally crazy to blame technology for the fact that parents aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing.
My 12 year old has an iPhone. He does not touch it from the moment he starts breakfast until he gets home from school each day. He carries with him in case of emergency (my choice, he'd rather just leave it home). He isn't addicted to it, it doesn't interfere with his grades or his extra curriculars, his relationship with us or his sister, or his responsibilities at home.
And all of that said, he's an introvert with some special needs so I don't feel the need to shove him back outside to play with the neighbors after school every day when what he needs is some downtime to decompress.
+2
Anonymous
03/19/2018 20:09
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
My teen doesn't have a cell phone.
What's your excuse, OP?
Humm...ok, so your point is what? How sad if they have an emergency they cannot contact you or someone for help.
HAHAHA that is how bad parents just giving their kids a cell phone. generations and generations of kids survived without cell phones.
We also had access to lots of pay phones.
Lame. There was no pay phones at parks, neighborhoods, and athletic fields. That is where most kids are. Also, anywhere there was a pay phone also has free land lines you can ask to use. Oh and every living human adult has a pay phone you can ask to borrow.
I call BS! There were payphones EVERYWHERE when I was growing up (in the 70s). They looked like this:
And there'd be one at least at every park and field. If the field was at a school, there was a row of phone booths right outside the school. There were phone booths outside of any storefront, and certainly there would be one at the gas station if you really needed one to walk that far. They were as common as soda machines are now.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 19:56
Subject: Re:Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
My teens are constantly interacting with their friends (ove their phone) CONSTANTLY.
My son has been on a group chat with his three friends from AP Chem doing homework (and not doing homework). They aren't together in person but there is a constant stream of talk, back and forth between the four of them.
When the kids game, they are talking non stop via skype or whatever platform they are using. They play on teams together, yell at each other, commisserate with each other, shout warnings to each other.
I don't buy that they are socially isolated just because they aren't "hanging out".
My son has been on a group chat with his three friends from AP Chem doing homework (and not doing homework). They aren't together in person but there is a constant stream of talk, back and forth between the four of them.
When the kids game, they are talking non stop via skype or whatever platform they are using. They play on teams together, yell at each other, commisserate with each other, shout warnings to each other.
I don't buy that they are socially isolated just because they aren't "hanging out".
Anonymous
03/19/2018 18:40
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is social media more so than phones. My nephew has an iPhone but isn't on Snapchat or Instagram or Facebook or Twitter and isn't preoccupied with getting likes/hits/friends.
He'snot
It's not just social media, it's using your phone as an escape from interacting with humans, or learning how to behave appropriately. Bringing it to the table, everywhere, etc. I see it with my 11 year old nephew all the time.
He does something he isn't supposed to do (for the millionth time).
His parents take away his phone, make it a 48 hour punishment.
He cries and pleads and begs, and gets his phone back 46 hours early.
Rinse, repeat.
It's the device addiction (which adults also have), and poor parenting over the devices.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 18:35
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
My teen doesn't have a cell phone.
What's your excuse, OP?
Humm...ok, so your point is what? How sad if they have an emergency they cannot contact you or someone for help.
HAHAHA that is how bad parents just giving their kids a cell phone. generations and generations of kids survived without cell phones.
Seriously. When no one else had cell phones either. There may have been a pay phone here or there, but mostly out on your own for hours and hours staring at age 6/7. Now all adults have them and every store/business has a phone. Your kid really doesn’t even need one and if he had one, it can be for dialing a few numbers only, not a $700 smart phone with monthly services all paid for by Mommy and Daddy.
Ok, so you had neglectful parents. At 6/7 we were not off on our own. Not all iPhones or smart phones cost $700. And, yes parents should pay for phone service. What next, you expect your kids to pay for their own food and clothing. You sound as selfish as your parents were to you. I have no issue with my child having a iPhone or other phone. Yes, I will pay for it. It is for me, not for them.
DP. Completely disagree with you. In the 70s and 80s, kids just went and played outside in their neighborhood. We weren't far away, but our parents weren't hovering over us every second of the day either. We were not neglected, you are a helicopter parent. We were fine without smartphones.
People who give their kids access to smart phones before high school are idiots. That's neglectful parenting. Even high school kids don't really have the maturity and reasoning capabilities to handle social media. If we are honest, many adults don't either.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 18:27
Subject: Re:Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I agree with the article. No social media allowed for my 5th grader. We limit screen time and no phone allowed. We will get a flip phone that texts when DC is 13 if needed.
And, if you don't teach moderation and its all or nothing then you will have bigger problems on your hands as they get older.
God, I HATE this logic. Just because someone's not allowing a TEN year old to have social media or a smart phone doesn't mean they're not teaching moderation.
You can’t even have ANY social media accounts until you are 13yrs old. It is illegal.
It is not "illegal." It does violated the tech companies' terms of service. If you're reported enough times, they might disable the profile. If you think kids don't get around the rules and ignore the TOS all the time, I want to know what you're smoking.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 16:06
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:And video games that de-sensitize kids to hurting others. Did you all hear about the 9 year old that shot his 13 year old sister dead for not handing over the game controller?? They were probably playing some M rated shoot 'em up game. Not to mention the easy access to the gun in the house....
This has been studied and disproved. I used to think this way but I heard the studies (not industry supported) and learned I was wrong. And video games can actually release stress for some people.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 15:44
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
My teen doesn't have a cell phone.
What's your excuse, OP?
Humm...ok, so your point is what? How sad if they have an emergency they cannot contact you or someone for help.
HAHAHA that is how bad parents just giving their kids a cell phone. generations and generations of kids survived without cell phones.
We also had access to lots of pay phones.
Lame. There was no pay phones at parks, neighborhoods, and athletic fields. That is where most kids are. Also, anywhere there was a pay phone also has free land lines you can ask to use. Oh and every living human adult has a pay phone you can ask to borrow.
It depends on where you were. Yes, there were around here. No, you don't ask to borrow a strangers phone. I might make a phone call for you but I'm to handing over your phone. If anything I'll call the police to report neglect if your child is injured and you were not supervising and they had no way to contact you.
Whew lady. You are a lunatic.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 15:39
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:And video games that de-sensitize kids to hurting others. Did you all hear about the 9 year old that shot his 13 year old sister dead for not handing over the game controller?? They were probably playing some M rated shoot 'em up game. Not to mention the easy access to the gun in the house....
Agree about video games too. But they aren’t as widespread as phones with anxiety/depression.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 15:38
Subject: Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Parents need to lead by example. Next time you're out at dinner, I dare you to find a table that's a family with teens where the parents and teens aren't all on their phones from the moment they are seated. It's really rare.
I saw a family this weekend that could have been 4 strangers eating together, there was that little chatting. The kids had earbuds in and were watching videos on their phones all through dinner. The parents put their phones down to order and then were right back on until their meals came.
We have a no devices at dinner rule and that applies when we're out of the house. The only exception is if we're at dinner for a special occasion and want to take a photo, but even that is very rare. As soon as they got phones, sensible rules were put in place. When the rules were broken, phones were taken away. So many of my kid's friend's parents are afraid to take away phones as punishment. "But what if there's an emergency! How will they reach me?" If your teen isn't capable of functioning in the world without a phone for a few days, you've got major issues.
Pretty nosey of you. Were you eating alone or ignoring the people at your own table.
Alone. I was traveling for work.
Maybe next rime send nice emails or text to your kids or call them
Wait, are you telling her she should have had her nose in her phone to avoid seeing all the other people and families that did around her?
Oh and her kids should have to - to answer the texts/emails.
F’ing Brilliant. This reasoning JUST doesn’t get any better.
Anonymous
03/19/2018 15:37
Subject: Re:Scary truth about what is our hurting our kids..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I agree with the article. No social media allowed for my 5th grader. We limit screen time and no phone allowed. We will get a flip phone that texts when DC is 13 if needed.
And, if you don't teach moderation and its all or nothing then you will have bigger problems on your hands as they get older.
God, I HATE this logic. Just because someone's not allowing a TEN year old to have social media or a smart phone doesn't mean they're not teaching moderation.
It does not matter if it is a smart phone, tablet or computer. All do the same things now.
No, a computer is in the house. Teens have their cell phones in their pocket (wait, sorry - their hands) at all times.
Then that is an issue between you and your teens and you need to teach them appropriate use. We don't use our cells in our house.