Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 22:25     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
I think men regret divorces if they caused them by cheating, abuse, etc. Men are more likely than women to cheat when there isn't a relationship problem, out of just straight-up opportunism. Women usually don't cheat unless they unhappy with the relationship.

On the other hand, I think men rarely regret the divorces that the result of general "irreconcilable differences" (they just weren't getting along). I think women tend to regret these kinds more.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 22:20     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Statistically, men who divorce end up with women identical to or similar to the women they married in the first place. They repeat the same issues over and over because they refuse to do the work to address their own issues or understand why they are drawn to certain women.


Statistically, men who divorce end up with second wives who are on average 8 years younger.


8 yrs younger than first wife? I am 8 yrs younger than my DH. First marriage for both. So his 2d wife to be 16 yrs younger?


I think he meant on average. I didn’t regret divorcing my cheating ex wife. But my new serious girlfriend is 7 years younger than my ex wife.


I think this is not unique to divorced men and more just a function of as you get older, an eight-year age difference isn't as big of a deal as it would have been when you were in your 20s.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 22:16     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Statistically, men who divorce end up with women identical to or similar to the women they married in the first place. They repeat the same issues over and over because they refuse to do the work to address their own issues or understand why they are drawn to certain women.


Statistically, men who divorce end up with second wives who are on average 8 years younger.


8 yrs younger than first wife? I am 8 yrs younger than my DH. First marriage for both. So his 2d wife to be 16 yrs younger?


I think he meant on average. I didn’t regret divorcing my cheating ex wife. But my new serious girlfriend is 7 years younger than my ex wife.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 22:12     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Statistically, men who divorce end up with women identical to or similar to the women they married in the first place. They repeat the same issues over and over because they refuse to do the work to address their own issues or understand why they are drawn to certain women.


Statistically, men who divorce end up with second wives who are on average 8 years younger.


8 yrs younger than first wife? I am 8 yrs younger than my DH. First marriage for both. So his 2d wife to be 16 yrs younger?
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 22:09     Subject: Re:Do men regret their divorces?
My Dad regrets 1 of his 3 divorces.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 22:08     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:Statistically, men who divorce end up with women identical to or similar to the women they married in the first place. They repeat the same issues over and over because they refuse to do the work to address their own issues or understand why they are drawn to certain women.


Statistically, men who divorce end up with second wives who are on average 8 years younger.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 22:06     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any stories about a guy who left his marriage on a whim, but later regretted it? Maybe delusional? Thought he could do better, then found out that was not the case?


The premise of this entire post is false and stupid.

No man leaves his marriage "on a whim".

Whim=someone in the office they think they might have an affair with...leave wife for....

And, yes, they DO that.


I have never known a male friend who left his marriage "on a whim". Not one. I spent four years planning my exit. No OW involved in my divorce, or any of my friend's divorces.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 11:13     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I only know 1 guy who regrets it (bc he talks about "what might have been"). I only know his side bc he was the friend and not his wife. They married and then were divorced within like 6-9 months. IDK why but from day 1 that marriage was about HIM and HIS parents, instead of him and his wife. It was constantly -- my parents wouldn't like it if we took this trip or made that purchase; my mom expects us home for this holiday or that weekend or whatever. That coupled with the fact that he's the type of guy who is a smooth talker/exaggerator leads me to believe that when he was dating her (only for 1-2 yrs) he was acted normal. I know back then he was wining and dining her and making future plans with her. I think she thought it was real.

They get married and suddenly despite being 30 and 100% born and raised in America (she was of the same culture but also 100% born and raised here), he turned into an old man from his culture with the whole attitude of I am the husband, we will do things how me and my family want (despite his family living 200 miles away).

She was out the door asap bc presumably she didn't want to live like that. He is now 45 and still single -- while she was a hottie who has married and has 3 kids -- so he STILL talks about what might have been, what if they had had kids etc.


Indian men tend to turn into Indian men after marriage.


Pakistani actually but I think culturally the views on males/husbands ruling the roost aren't that dissimilar, yet bc this guy knew he wouldn't be able to snag a pretty, ivy educated, bringing home great money, born/raised in America type of woman from the same cultural background if he did his "I'm the man" act while dating -- seems like he put on a LOT of airs while dating to show how open minded and normal American he was. Then when the ring is on it, the true colors came out and his parents totally were egging him on about the things a husband "should demand." I mean his mother (who is a 100% clean freak, lifelong homemaker) demanded that before the daughter in law leave after a visit, she clean the bathroom they used. She sort of shrugged it off thinking it was a joke -- and DH enforced it bc that's what his mama wanted. Dunno if that was the beginning of the end but it might have been. FWIW when he was acting this way and allowing his parents to treat the DIL like a servant, many of his friends -- including other guys of the same background --told him to knock it off, we were not in the dark ages and she'd divorce him. He was so convinced he was right, he didn't listen.


That's probably because he knew she needs his permission for the Islamic divorce unless the contract stipulated otherwise.


I think she walked away from the legal marriage and re married later. No idea what they did religiously but knowing him and what a douche he was, no way he would have granted a divorce and certainly not within 6 months. The culture thing became his obsession more than hers so she probably just got out under NY state law regardless of what any imam would say.


That may be, but it also means she could never marry into the culture again, and could never marry another Muslim, period. This matters to some people, and it matters to a whole lot of families.


No clue as I didn’t know her pre marriage. Clearly the religion/culture didn’t prevent her from leaving and re marrying, nor is she estranged from her tight family. It may be a fam that isn’t obsessively religious.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 10:19     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any stories about a guy who left his marriage on a whim, but later regretted it? Maybe delusional? Thought he could do better, then found out that was not the case?


The premise of this entire post is false and stupid.

No man leaves his marriage "on a whim".

Whim=someone in the office they think they might have an affair with...leave wife for....

And, yes, they DO that.


And women do it more prevalently. New tingles make for irrational and ill decisions
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 08:27     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any stories about a guy who left his marriage on a whim, but later regretted it? Maybe delusional? Thought he could do better, then found out that was not the case?


Men don't usually divorce because they think they can "do better". Men leave because they are not happy. Yes, men need to be happy also. This notion that it's always the man's fault is so stupid and bias. Some women never learn. When a man isn't happy in a marriage it's the wife's fault also. It's a two way street. It's both party's fault. I know several men who are divorced. None regret it. Why? Because they were so unhappy! We only live for so long, way waste years of it being sad, frustrated and just unhappy waking up.


I don't think most women believe they were perfect (I don't.) But I don't believe my STBXDH put the effort in someone who wanted to save their marriage would. And several times now, my STBX has said things like "I didn't really think you'd leave." So when we were having those awful months of trying and working on things, and we would have the long, terrible discussions and he'd say he was still unhappy... all that time, he still just thought it would work out. Even though he didn't put in the effort or do the work or do the things he said he'd do, he still was surprised when after months of hell, I left. So there are men out there who say they're unhappy but then also just want to sit back and wait for the wife to fix it for them, and that's not how it works. And I'm sure my husband was not the first man to think along the lines of "if it's meant to be, I'll be happy, and it'll all work out" when that isn't how real life works. So while it's not my husband's fault our marriage was flawed, I do not think he handled it well and I don't think he put in the effort he should.


+1.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 08:17     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Man here. I didn't want to get divorced, mostly due to the kids, but also finances--I moved out of the house and bought a condo, which cratered my savings. I know I'll recover eventually but paying for college comes first.

I love my weeks and weekends with the kids. I like having a new girlfriend. But I do regret that things didn't work out like we'd planned on when we got married at 27. And I do worry about the kids though there mother and I are doing our best.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 08:15     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:So far, there is not one first hand account from a man saying he regrets getting divorced. Every comment from divorced men say they have no regrets. It's only the women commenting about men who feel regretful. Funny how that works.



Hey, buddy, we are on to you. You are clearly a guy who regrets his divorce.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 08:12     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any stories about a guy who left his marriage on a whim, but later regretted it? Maybe delusional? Thought he could do better, then found out that was not the case?


The premise of this entire post is false and stupid.

No man leaves his marriage "on a whim".

Whim=someone in the office they think they might have an affair with...leave wife for....

And, yes, they DO that.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 07:48     Subject: Re:Do men regret their divorces?
I'm the one who left my marriage, and last summer when my ex-husband and I were out riding around on a 4wheeler, he told me that he owed me an apology, because he thought that I blamed the destruction of our marriage on myself, but that he was at fault, because he pushed me away. He said he felt bad that he had never told me. I appreciate him for telling me, because it definitely helped clear up that one last thing between us. We've always been best friends, and always will be. He's never remarried. I have, and am happy, my husband is good friends with him, and we spend a lot of time with him in the summer. He's a great guy. I didn't leave because I didn't like him. I left because I felt we were more like roommates, and I wanted more than that. He uses me for his therapist, and I use him for mine, and we both use my husband for therapy. It's actually pretty funny, the relationship we all have. It's great for the kids, though.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2018 07:26     Subject: Do men regret their divorces?
Yes, studies show men tsk it harder. The suicide rate for males is disturbingly high. With divorced males it’s even higher. Women initiate divorce about 70% of the time from what I’ve read.

From my personal experience, some didn’t see it coming and she’s with another lover months if not weeks after. Plus, finding male only support groups like this is hard unless you’re a veteran. My personal experience is while they don’t specialize in divorce support per se, they are certainly supportive of a lot of these issues and divorce being among them. I also find female veterans a little more fri madly to deal with.