Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 23:34     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she needs to go back to work for some adult interaction.
Being overwhelmed with 1 child is not normal.
I was, when I had my first child, anytime I spent more than 3 days straight with her.
Because SOME WOMEN AREN'T GREAT AT BEING WITH A BABY ALL DAY. They are better at going to work- like me.

Being a SAHM is her job- she needs to choose if she's going to do it or not. I'm sure she can find a mother's helper or teenage babysitter for a 5-10 hours/week, but if she needs more than that for 1 kid, she needs to go back to work.



I assume this means you never take a lunch break during your work day? Never chat with co-workers about non-work things? Never spend five minutes reading non-work related internet during the day? By your reasoning, if you can't do your job straight through the entire day without taking even a moment of break, maybe you're not great at it either.


oh please- I have 4 kids. I know we have plenty time in the day while baby naps/is in swing/is in stroller/is in playpen, etc to call a friend, take a nap, read a magazine. Baby is not awake and needy 24/7.


lol the child in question is a toddler. Surely if you have children? You are aware that toddlers do not use baby swings or playpens (or just chill in a stroller for extended periods of time, for that matter)...

Toddlers generally take a nap, yes, but it is a short one. Enough time to straighten up the house and then have maybe...20 minutes of downtime? I can see why, especially with a particularly demanding toddler, that is not enough.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 23:26     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she needs to go back to work for some adult interaction.
Being overwhelmed with 1 child is not normal.
I was, when I had my first child, anytime I spent more than 3 days straight with her.
Because SOME WOMEN AREN'T GREAT AT BEING WITH A BABY ALL DAY. They are better at going to work- like me.

Being a SAHM is her job- she needs to choose if she's going to do it or not. I'm sure she can find a mother's helper or teenage babysitter for a 5-10 hours/week, but if she needs more than that for 1 kid, she needs to go back to work.



I assume this means you never take a lunch break during your work day? Never chat with co-workers about non-work things? Never spend five minutes reading non-work related internet during the day? By your reasoning, if you can't do your job straight through the entire day without taking even a moment of break, maybe you're not great at it either.


oh please- I have 4 kids. I know we have plenty time in the day while baby naps/is in swing/is in stroller/is in playpen, etc to call a friend, take a nap, read a magazine. Baby is not awake and needy 24/7.


Nice deflection.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 23:21     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she needs to go back to work for some adult interaction.
Being overwhelmed with 1 child is not normal.
I was, when I had my first child, anytime I spent more than 3 days straight with her.
Because SOME WOMEN AREN'T GREAT AT BEING WITH A BABY ALL DAY. They are better at going to work- like me.

Being a SAHM is her job- she needs to choose if she's going to do it or not. I'm sure she can find a mother's helper or teenage babysitter for a 5-10 hours/week, but if she needs more than that for 1 kid, she needs to go back to work.



I assume this means you never take a lunch break during your work day? Never chat with co-workers about non-work things? Never spend five minutes reading non-work related internet during the day? By your reasoning, if you can't do your job straight through the entire day without taking even a moment of break, maybe you're not great at it either.


oh please- I have 4 kids. I know we have plenty time in the day while baby naps/is in swing/is in stroller/is in playpen, etc to call a friend, take a nap, read a magazine. Baby is not awake and needy 24/7.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 23:18     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she needs to go back to work for some adult interaction.
Being overwhelmed with 1 child is not normal.
I was, when I had my first child, anytime I spent more than 3 days straight with her.
Because SOME WOMEN AREN'T GREAT AT BEING WITH A BABY ALL DAY. They are better at going to work- like me.

Being a SAHM is her job- she needs to choose if she's going to do it or not. I'm sure she can find a mother's helper or teenage babysitter for a 5-10 hours/week, but if she needs more than that for 1 kid, she needs to go back to work.


and make her schedule a weekly night (or 2) out, with with her friends, or shopping or to go see a movie. She leaves as soon as you get home from work and comes home well after baby is asleep.
Your baby needs to (and will) get used to someone else caring for him, as long as mom is not around
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 23:18     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she needs to go back to work for some adult interaction.
Being overwhelmed with 1 child is not normal.
I was, when I had my first child, anytime I spent more than 3 days straight with her.
Because SOME WOMEN AREN'T GREAT AT BEING WITH A BABY ALL DAY. They are better at going to work- like me.

Being a SAHM is her job- she needs to choose if she's going to do it or not. I'm sure she can find a mother's helper or teenage babysitter for a 5-10 hours/week, but if she needs more than that for 1 kid, she needs to go back to work.



I assume this means you never take a lunch break during your work day? Never chat with co-workers about non-work things? Never spend five minutes reading non-work related internet during the day? By your reasoning, if you can't do your job straight through the entire day without taking even a moment of break, maybe you're not great at it either.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 23:15     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
She sounds like she needs to go back to work for some adult interaction.
Being overwhelmed with 1 child is not normal.
I was, when I had my first child, anytime I spent more than 3 days straight with her.
Because SOME WOMEN AREN'T GREAT AT BEING WITH A BABY ALL DAY. They are better at going to work- like me.

Being a SAHM is her job- she needs to choose if she's going to do it or not. I'm sure she can find a mother's helper or teenage babysitter for a 5-10 hours/week, but if she needs more than that for 1 kid, she needs to go back to work.

Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 23:07     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Yes, do the babysitter. It does not get easier as kods get older. Just school. Not doing this earlier almost killed me and killed my marriage.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 22:54     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:My wife is a SAHM. She says she desperately needs help during the day. We have 1 toddler. He is definitely a handful. I will give her that. He will not adjust to gym childcare. She has tried a ton of times. He happier at home with a babysitter. I offer her breaks when I get home from work and weekend mornings. She rarely takes me up on the offer. She says it's hard to go out and relax somewhere else. She wants to be at home. Hiring a babysitter part time is pricey and we're solidly middle class. My income is about 90 k. We no longer live in DC metro area so 90 k is fine for us. I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it? Also, keep in mind we have no family help at all. Both of DW parents passed away. Her mother passed away a year before we had our son. I know she's still grieving the lost of her mother. She went to therapy about a year ago and did a grieving workshop for a while. Our son will cry if she tries to leave in the evenings. She feels guilty and will ALWAYS end up taking him someone for her "break". She wants to go back to work when our son is 3 and is in all day preschool.




I’m in a similar situation to your wife. You sound like a dick!

From your message you have burdened her with the mental and physical load of parenting and household. Be more proactive. Don’t ask how you can help. Start paying attention at home more and just jump in.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 21:41     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
I had a handful child it’s unbelievable how hard it can be every day and night 7 days a week. Yes it’s patenting but for her to be the best mom and wife she can be she absolutely needs breaks. Hire the sitter , take over one weekend morning, send her to the bathtub with a nice glass of wine at night, etc. you cannot imagine how hard it is until you do it non stop.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 21:33     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter


Please don’t ever refer to it as “offering” or “a break”. It’s your child for christ sake. It’s called being a parent.

I know that’s not the point but it always aggravates me when one of the parents (usually the father) puts it like that.


Also, please don’t hire an 11 year old like a PP suggested. They have no idea what they’re doing, especially with a ‘handful’. It would only stress your wife out more.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 21:32     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
btw she needs a schedule of fun stuff to do with the kiddo. some might cost money (myGym, Gymboree, music class, puppet shows), and some won't (playgrounds, library, playdates - but these mean you met the kid/parent at a 'class').
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 21:31     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:Wow never heard of a man stress this much over a household decision. My husband would say we can’t afford it and no without skipping a beat. And would probably throw in I’m lazy in there just for good measure.


guess they won't be putting their kid(s) in any pre-school morning classes or anything before kindergarten....
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 21:13     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:My wife is a SAHM. She says she desperately needs help during the day. We have 1 toddler. He is definitely a handful. I will give her that. He will not adjust to gym childcare. She has tried a ton of times. He happier at home with a babysitter. I offer her breaks when I get home from work and weekend mornings. She rarely takes me up on the offer. She says it's hard to go out and relax somewhere else. She wants to be at home. Hiring a babysitter part time is pricey and we're solidly middle class. My income is about 90 k. We no longer live in DC metro area so 90 k is fine for us. I want to help my wife feel less stressed but I am not sure how to go about it? Also, keep in mind we have no family help at all. Both of DW parents passed away. Her mother passed away a year before we had our son. I know she's still grieving the lost of her mother. She went to therapy about a year ago and did a grieving workshop for a while. Our son will cry if she tries to leave in the evenings. She feels guilty and will ALWAYS end up taking him someone for her "break". She wants to go back to work when our son is 3 and is in all day preschool.




she 'desperately needs help' for one child under 3 yrs old? Please don't have any more children with her. She needs a therapist, and the stress probably isn't about the kid, it's about her life isn't as glamorous as she thought it would be and she can't handle the lack of ritz in her life.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 19:23     Subject: Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:The reason your son cries when you leave him is that he gets what he wants when he cries. If you don't break that cycle now, it's going to be a long road.


This. You two should be getting your toddler used to being away from mommy. When you come home from work one day, take your little charge out to play and for dinner. They'll cry at first, then adapt.

She's doing your child a disservice by feeding into the dependency. Kids adapt very well if you just let them.

So to go back to your main question, as your'e concerned about costs, just take the kid out on your own for at least a few hours. Go to a play place, or the park, or whatever. YOu'll bond, and DW gets some time on her own. I'm a DH and that time is so much fun just me and the kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2018 18:43     Subject: Re:Wife wants to hire a babysitter
Anonymous wrote:a couple questions:

does your son have any developmental issues? What does "a handful" mean? My son had sensory issues that manifested themselves as being hugely difficult, emotional,etc. He's now 8 and we have a dx but when he was a toddler it just seemed like "a handful." I'm just bringing this up in case it is a potential issue--perhaps he is just a neurotypical and challenging child.

also, you mention that your son screams/cries when your wife tries to leave at night to get out? If there are not developmental issues, it seems to me that this is going to be the case even with a sitter. I would think a good preschool 2 or 3 mornings a week would help him adjust. They are used to kids freaking out at first but it is important that he adapt to other caretakers.



Thank you and she doesn't leave then. It isn't going to be any different with the babysitter. Mom won't leave then or the kid will scream with the babysitter the entire time ad mom won't relax at home or will come and get the baby from the sitter.

I'm all for SAHM having a sitter from time to time. But I've BTDT I too thought I wanted to SAH until my kid was 3 I was over it by 5 months but pushed it to 12 months I felt like a failure ad a "bad mom" and basically said all the things OP's wife is saying until some wise person told me it was okay to want to go back to work and do it aand that it didn't make me a bad mom.