Anonymous wrote:Op here. I want to clarify a couple of things.

I never said I wanted to be married in 6 months. I said I am looking for a relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage but that could take 1-3 years. I know what I want and don’t feel bad that I want those things. I have wanted them for many years now.

My girlfriend is a student and she works.

I do love her ambition and being in school. I was raised by two strong working parents. I do want kids within the next 4 years, and with her finishing up school and wanting to take 1-2 years to get her career started, I don’t know if I want to wait that long. If I found a woman who wanted kids roughly around the same time, it wouldn’t matter whether she was in school. I do not want a stay at home mom, although I am fine if that’s her choice. I will be equally happy to have a wife that wants to use a nanny or daycare while we both work.

I think I know that breaking up with her might be the best choice. I know is only been a couple of months, but my view is why waste more time when we aren’t on the same page? I want marriage/kids in the next 3-4 years and she wants them later than that.

If I am a 36 yo female lawyer with a fantastic, well paying career who hears my clock ticking & wants kids, I might be interested. Now that's assuming you are very good looking, educated, athletic, tall, (a/k/a great genetics), and the financial ability to pay for joint custody. See, once I have the wedding of my dreams, the 2-3 kids, which I agree to put in daycare/hire a nanny, why exactly do I need you?
Before you get married, do yourself a favor, as you are writing the prenup, make sure you include the divorce attorney's fees. Or just marry your multitasking mommy and leave the law student alone.

Can I have her number. Dinner and sex twice a week and 5 wonderful days to myself to be left the hell alone.

No need to go to endless activities.

God I’ll marry her and help pay her bills.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I want to clarify a couple of things.

I never said I wanted to be married in 6 months. I said I am looking for a relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage but that could take 1-3 years. I know what I want and don’t feel bad that I want those things. I have wanted them for many years now.

My girlfriend is a student and she works.

I do love her ambition and being in school. I was raised by two strong working parents. I do want kids within the next 4 years, and with her finishing up school and wanting to take 1-2 years to get her career started, I don’t know if I want to wait that long. If I found a woman who wanted kids roughly around the same time, it wouldn’t matter whether she was in school. I do not want a stay at home mom, although I am fine if that’s her choice. I will be equally happy to have a wife that wants to use a nanny or daycare while we both work.

I think I know that breaking up with her might be the best choice. I know is only been a couple of months, but my view is why waste more time when we aren’t on the same page? I want marriage/kids in the next 3-4 years and she wants them later than that.

Blah, blah, blah. You’re very nervous about her biological clock. But you’re also nervous that you won’t ever meet someone else.

She’s probably seeing another guy. Law school can be really intense. Let her go. Find a younger woman who might be impressed with your old man take.

Op here. I want to clarify a couple of things.

I never said I wanted to be married in 6 months. I said I am looking for a relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage but that could take 1-3 years. I know what I want and don’t feel bad that I want those things. I have wanted them for many years now.

My girlfriend is a student and she works.

I do love her ambition and being in school. I was raised by two strong working parents. I do want kids within the next 4 years, and with her finishing up school and wanting to take 1-2 years to get her career started, I don’t know if I want to wait that long. If I found a woman who wanted kids roughly around the same time, it wouldn’t matter whether she was in school. I do not want a stay at home mom, although I am fine if that’s her choice. I will be equally happy to have a wife that wants to use a nanny or daycare while we both work.

I think I know that breaking up with her might be the best choice. I know is only been a couple of months, but my view is why waste more time when we aren’t on the same page? I want marriage/kids in the next 3-4 years and she wants them later than that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you just assuming she wants to have your children? Have you asked her? Has the thought that she may not even want children crossed your mind?

Op here. I was up front that I was looking for something serious because I don’t want to waste my time on a meaningless relationship. She agreed that she was also looking for the same. We are newly dating but we have discussed that we both want 2-3 kids.

I am really not crazy or pushy. I understand hard work, and her going to school was one of the things that attracted me to her. I love her ambition and motivation to better herself and her life. I worked hard for my degree and in my career. I was previously dating a woman for 2 years. She cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend once he divorced his wife. I’ve been single for 2 years with minor relationships here and there. I am tired of it. I want a family to come to every night. Majority of my friends are married and having kids, and it’s lonely being the only single one.

I understand that you want certain things but you know, this isn't something you can get out of a relationship instantly. You've known this woman for a couple of months. Isn't it a little quick to expect this to be on a marriage track already? Good relationships unfold naturally, you can't fast forward.

Anonymous wrote: I have a lot of girlfriends who didn't start trying for kids until 36, and now they are 40 and still don't have kids. Not all of them --some got pregnant without too much trouble or adopted. But being this age, you have to be aware that there is a decent change (10%+) that it may not happen for you.

End result: you feel depressed, lonely, and incomplete. Fortunately, lots of internet strangers are happy to chime in and endorse your questionable life choices!

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/7yqda7/im_a_36_year_old_attorney_not_married_no_kids/

Geez, I had 2 kids in law school. One was 9 months when I started and I had the 2nd during my 3rd year, after which I finished part-time ( mostly due to other non-baby related family issues though). So total, 2 kids, 4 years.

I absolutely have no interest in spending time with a man who is whining that I am not spending enough time with him and should cut back on professional activities. It is a red flag for someone who values is own needs/wants above a partner's. I would want to see you actively supporting my goals - ask for more time but make it a joint "study" date where you catch up on your own work or reading while your date studies. Or offer a 3rd day to bring a 1/2 hour study break treat. Or meet up for a quick casual dinner break by the law school. You have to demonstrate tht you can happily fit into her time available, not that you want her to cut back on personal accomplishment time for you.

I'm a female big law partner and think there's nothing wrong with OP's attitude about what he's looking for. Not for me, but there was nothing offensive about what he has said thus far.

OP - you should break up with this woman because you are definitely on different pages.

2L and 3L are significantly lighter work loads than having an actual job. There may be people who found those years burdensome, but in my experience, those people were also more likely to find every stage of life more burdensome than the average person. In other words, she's not going to magically find working to be an easier schedule than her current life. Some people just get more overwhelmed than others by day to day obligations.

Alternatively, she may not be overwhelmed at all but she may just have a lot of other things going on. Other friends and hobbies. Or may just like to spend several nights a week alone. You can't expect those to change if you get married. You're looking for a "all in" relationship -- which is totally fine (that's how my DH and i were from the beginning) but not everyone wants that.

Also agree that your girlfriend is likely not thinking clearly about when babies will fit into the picture. This isn't abnormal for type A achieving women. It's not good for your career to have a baby in year one after law school. You really need to wait 2 years, or it will drastically impact your career trajectory. I have a lot of girlfriends who didn't start trying for kids until 36, and now they are 40 and still don't have kids. Not all of them --some got pregnant without too much trouble or adopted. But being this age, you have to be aware that there is a decent change (10%+) that it may not happen for you.

All in all, sounds like you like this woman but aren't smitten and that you are just on different pages (or that some of your age and experience has allowed you to better know what you want than her). Time to move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you just assuming she wants to have your children? Have you asked her? Has the thought that she may not even want children crossed your mind?

Op here. I was up front that I was looking for something serious because I don’t want to waste my time on a meaningless relationship. She agreed that she was also looking for the same. We are newly dating but we have discussed that we both want 2-3 kids.

I am really not crazy or pushy. I understand hard work, and her going to school was one of the things that attracted me to her. I love her ambition and motivation to better herself and her life. I worked hard for my degree and in my career. I was previously dating a woman for 2 years. She cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend once he divorced his wife. I’ve been single for 2 years with minor relationships here and there. I am tired of it. I want a family to come to every night. Majority of my friends are married and having kids, and it’s lonely being the only single one.

Actually no you don't or you wouldn't have created this thread. She probably looks like the wife/mother of your kids you conjured up in your dreams and that's where the attraction begins and ends. Look, dating is all about figuring out compatibility. You want a women who will marry you within 6 months of meeting you, your current girlfriend isn't best to move on.

OP I'm 25, completed my education with a graduate degree (accelerated program). My career allows me to work p/t or per diem. If I met the right man (compatible, mutual attraction, etc) I would want to get married in 6 mos, be married a year or so & then try for a baby. I want 2 or 3 so I want to start trying before 30, at the latest.
But I don't drink, although I go to meet-up groups. On-line, if you see my age, you would not contact me, even though I have been told I'm "super cute"and "even better looking in person". But I am not looking for sex without a serious, committed relationship so when I tell you that, you would be gone. Also I'm from NYC, so I am well spoken, & well-travelled, but I'm also an only child, so if you have any hang ups about those, you would be out. I am out here in the metro DC area but you have to keep an open mind.

But I also do not believe in putting my children in daycare. If you are not willing to be the main financial support & treat me with respect even if I do not have an equivalent income, I'm out.

Anonymous wrote:
Would you be willing to be a SAHD or cut back hours at work to care for the kids while she finished school?

Hint: the correct answer is "HELL NO".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you just assuming she wants to have your children? Have you asked her? Has the thought that she may not even want children crossed your mind?

Op here. I was up front that I was looking for something serious because I don’t want to waste my time on a meaningless relationship. She agreed that she was also looking for the same. We are newly dating but we have discussed that we both want 2-3 kids.

I am really not crazy or pushy. I understand hard work, and her going to school was one of the things that attracted me to her. I love her ambition and motivation to better herself and her life. I worked hard for my degree and in my career. I was previously dating a woman for 2 years. She cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend once he divorced his wife. I’ve been single for 2 years with minor relationships here and there. I am tired of it. I want a family to come to every night. Majority of my friends are married and having kids, and it’s lonely being the only single one.

Would you be willing to be a SAHD or cut back hours at work to care for the kids while she finished school?

How does OP sound ready for kids?
He wants 2 or 3 because his friends have them so he won't be lonely and bored in the evening with any woman that wi have them with him by next year.

Values don't matter, Who cares about those it's not like they'll be teaching the kids those. They can figure that out later and if they aren't compatible they can divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you just assuming she wants to have your children? Have you asked her? Has the thought that she may not even want children crossed your mind?

Op here. I was up front that I was looking for something serious because I don’t want to waste my time on a meaningless relationship. She agreed that she was also looking for the same. We are newly dating but we have discussed that we both want 2-3 kids.

I am really not crazy or pushy. I understand hard work, and her going to school was one of the things that attracted me to her. I love her ambition and motivation to better herself and her life. I worked hard for my degree and in my career. I was previously dating a woman for 2 years. She cheated and left me for her high school boyfriend once he divorced his wife. I’ve been single for 2 years with minor relationships here and there. I am tired of it. I want a family to come to every night. Majority of my friends are married and having kids, and it’s lonely being the only single one.

Actually no you don't or you wouldn't have created this thread. She probably looks like the wife/mother of your kids you conjured up in your dreams and that's where the attraction begins and ends. Look, dating is all about figuring out compatibility. You want a women wh will marry you within 6 months of meeting you, your current girlfriend isn't best to move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 34! When she finishes she'll be 36! A year into her first job 37 or 38. Kids ain't happening for her.

+1 OP, you sound ready for kids soon, but she’s not going to be in a place to even think about kids for a while. Once she graduates, she’ll be starting a new job and all that entails. The timing just may not be right.

You’re only two months in to the relationship, though - how do you know you’re even compatible for marriage and family?

From what I read from the OP he wasn't making that judgement on the relationship, he was judging the situation. She doesn't have time now, will she ever?

It’s possible she may never, but it’s only been a few months in this relationship. Between finals, the holidays, and possibly writing for law review (I think that happens over Xmas break but I could be misremembering), you two really haven’t had much time together to build a relationship. If you’re looking for more from her right now, you’re not going to get it, and I don’t blame her. No offense to you, but she’s in a different place in her life.