Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, are there any dating websites that are geared towards people who want the traditional roles of husbands and wives? I currently work and have a wonderful salary but I'd like to be a stay at home wife and then transition to a SAHM. I really wouldn't mind getting up before my husband and children to make breakfast and lunch, clean the house, exercise, run errands, do a bit of charity work at the church and make dinner in time for my family.

Could someone who loves this lifestyle give me pointers on how you deal with this lifestyle currently? How did you meet your husband? I'd appreciate tips. This is not a troll post, please don't treat it as such. I.AM.DEAD.SERIOUS.

SAHM here. No way you will have time for exercise or charity work until the kids are in full time school. Unless you want a nanny too?

Have your tried church groups for single adults? Most men like this tend to be religious.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP here, are there any dating websites that are geared towards people who want the traditional roles of husbands and wives? I currently work and have a wonderful salary but I'd like to be a stay at home wife and then transition to a SAHM. I really wouldn't mind getting up before my husband and children to make breakfast and lunch, clean the house, exercise, run errands, do a bit of charity work at the church and make dinner in time for my family.

Could someone who loves this lifestyle give me pointers on how you deal with this lifestyle currently? How did you meet your husband? I'd appreciate tips. This is not a troll post, please don't treat it as such. I.AM.DEAD.SERIOUS.

SAHM here. No way you will have time for exercise or charity work until the kids are in full time school. Unless you want a nanny too?

Have your tried church groups for single adults? Most men like this tend to be religious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be cautious about saying you want to be a stay-at-home wife. I think even men who want a SAHM might be put off by that. They may be concerned that you will get bored, and it can be a lot of pressure on the relationship to have you focused just on caring for him. Or you will attract man-babies who want someone to cater to them and do all the boring household stuff so they never have to lift a finger. That's probably not the kind of man you want to attract.

It also seems like, if you're planning on kids, wouldn't you want to earn some money before they arrive? As an aspiring SAHM, it's important that you be financially prudent and a competent manager of whatever your financial situation is. Unless you're looking exclusively for very wealthy men, this would be off-putting.

This. OP, the best SAHMs are focused on SAHM as a goal from when they are young. They are frugal before the children come, and work hard to provide in advance for their families. Savings from the woman working pre-kids go into purchasing a home big enough for a family-- you'll need a bigger down payment so that you'll have a monthly payment that is manageable on one income. The ability to plan ahead and prioritize having a parent at home is what makes you desirable to a man who wants a SAHM. If you're just hoping someone will come along and pay for everything (including your retirement) while you handle the day-to-day at home, think again.

Exactly. Your future husband should have read this:

https://www.titus2.com/preparing-sons.html

And you should be reading this, OP:

https://www.amazon.com/Debi-Pearl-Discover-Marriage-Glorious/dp/B004R106ZC/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3X18QVXEE9DJP2ZSEJ7Y

There are no websites devoted to men who are seeking SAHWs. Honestly the only way you could reasonably achieve this is if you were mormon, and at 28 you're pushing it considering most LDS folk get married between 20-23 and already have kids at 28.

Why do you want to SAHM? I honestly thought I wanted the same thing - until I realized if I were a SAHM everyday would be chore day. You don't get any breaks. You have to cook, clean, do all the laundry and prepare all the meals. Do you think your DH who is working 40+ hours/week is going to want to help you with the chores and cooking when you come home? No. It's the hardest job because there are no breaks and you are heavily judged, especially when your kids are school-aged and you're still staying at home; there's really no reason why you can't work and contribute to the household wealth.

Also, what do you do if your DH gets sick? Or loses his job? Or gets laid off? Or has a mid-life crisis and wants to change careers? Being out of the workforce for 5+ years will make it very hard to re-enter without any real experience, and I doubt at 28 with two arts degrees you've had the chance to build a career.

Also, i've met plenty of women who were SAHM their entire life and then got divorced in their late 40's. They end up having to sell their homes, downsize, and live off their husbands alimony until they meet someone else to subsidize their lifestyle.

Being a SAHM is not all it's cracked up to be. I think if you were to set a goal, i.e, stay at home until your kids are preschool age and you go back to work part-time, you may have a better chance of finding a mate who will support this goal. But that just comes down to communication: "so, do you want kids?" "yes, I want kids and I want to stay at home for the first 2-3 or 4 years and then go back to work PT" looks WAY better than "I want to be a SAHM forever."

You're gambling your own financial security and independence on the idea that someone will happily work and support you and your children for 30+ years, without any health issues, layoffs, marital problems, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The SAHM works for someone else's glory.

OP, I can live with that. True love is laboring for the ones that mean the most to you.

Ah, the optimism of youth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male lawyer here. I would LOVE this. How old are you?

OP here, I'm biracial (African American/White), 26 yrs old, no previous marriage or children out of wedlock experience. I have my B.A. in Poly Sci w/ a M.S. in Early Childhood education. I'm 5'2 and 128 lbs, currently working on those last 10lbs. I worked since I was 21 (graduated HS early and did TFA once I finished).

How about yourself?

You have barely worked.

OP, I think a lot of men who want a SAHW actually want a wife who does a certain type of job for free. Like being a pastor's wife or political wife or high-level military wife-- it comes with a TON of obligations and they are not optional unless he's willing to change careers, and they often don't mesh well with having young kids either. Really think about whether this is what you want.

Or you may end up with someone who is very religious and has very fixed ideas about gender roles. If that's not your religion already, you probably won't like it. It's very hard to live that way if you don't believe it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black SAHM here. My darling girl, I must give it to you straight, no chaser. The best way to get what you want is to get a good job and search for a man of conventional tastes who is ambitious. For your own sake, I hope that you keep searching for your true career path. No one ever tells you that, unless you are independently wealthy, a DH is another boss. You love your kids, you chafe, you fight, you concede, you continue.

Life can be so much more.

So true...

Exceptions exist, such as uncommon natural compatibility between 2 people. Otherwise, people tend to believe "he who has the gold makes the rules." Do you want to bet your happiness on the off chance you get to be an exception?

Absolutely not true. But if you ended up in a marriage where this is the dynamic, then yes...be careful.

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think a lot of biglaw partner- and counsel-track associates would be down with this.

+1

You should have married right after college. I don't know that I've met a woman in this area that is biracial and SAHM either. They seem to be all of the white variety, I've met one Asian SAHM. Not that they don't exist, I just haven't met them. Its a bit naive to say you don't care about money. We make 300K combined and can barely afford a home in this area. You'd have to find a man making that or move to a much lower COL part of town (WV)?

Get a whopping life insurance policy on your man, OP. I really can't understand why you would walk away from more savings, a bigger pension, and an increased future salary. You can quit when you hit the 2nd trimester and have six months to nest and catch up on home stuff.

I would be wary. One of my fraternity brothers did this and she's basically his stay-at-home mom, we call her that. She caters to him in every way, takes care of everything. She's a nice person but bored out of her mind, so the marriage isn't very happy. He's kind of a doofus and can't understand why cooking and cleaning for him is not a fulfilling purpose in life all by itself.

Anonymous wrote:Black SAHM here. My darling girl, I must give it to you straight, no chaser. The best way to get what you want is to get a good job and search for a man of conventional tastes who is ambitious. For your own sake, I hope that you keep searching for your true career path. No one ever tells you that, unless you are independently wealthy, a DH is another boss. You love your kids, you chafe, you fight, you concede, you continue.

Life can be so much more.

So true...

Exceptions exist, such as uncommon natural compatibility between 2 people. Otherwise, people tend to believe "he who has the gold makes the rules." Do you want to bet your happiness on the off chance you get to be an exception?

There are some great tumblrs dedicated to this.

Common terminology is “traditional gender roles”

Actually I think a lot of biglaw partner- and counsel-track associates would be down with this.