Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't steal enough money from the marriage to make much of a difference. And if your husband finds out what you are doing, the extra lawyer bills will wipe out any money you steal.

I was willing to have a nice vanilla divorce from my ex, but when I found out she was stealing family money, and how much, I fought her like the Devil.

By the way, any men reading this: this thread shows how women thing--it's all about the money. Your relationship is about you working hard so they can spend, spend, spend.

Yes, how dare this woman not want to continue a relationship where her partner yells and throws things at her! Clearly this man will stop all that if asked nicely. What a gold-digger. /s

Where were you when my wife was yelling at me, throwing things, and worse? You weren't at the courthouse, and you didn't respond to my 911 call either.

good luck OP. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it shines bright for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is fraud. It is theft of marital property. If a husband shouldn't do it then a wife shouldn't do it.

Withdrawing money from a joint bank account is theft of marital property?

It is if the money disappears. She can take half, and deposit it in another account, making sure there is a paper trail to show the lawyers and judge.

BTW when my friend saw his checking account emptied (to the tune of $20,000), he figured his wife was planning a divorce. But she still took nearly two more years to file. In the meantime, with the lead time she foolishly gave him, he moved about $500,000 into safe places. Today he owns the family home, the children live with him, and his ex is working as a house cleaner to make ends meet.

I'd say she's probably fortunate to be away from a man who would do what you've said. I can see why she was trying to escape, although she went about it the wrong way. He sounds mean.

Agreed - she may have to work as a house cleaner, but she got away from someone who is clearly a terrible human being. Good for her. Those poor children though... they definitely won't escape unscathed with that kind of creature for a father.

Anonymous wrote:You can't steal enough money from the marriage to make much of a difference. And if your husband finds out what you are doing, the extra lawyer bills will wipe out any money you steal.

I was willing to have a nice vanilla divorce from my ex, but when I found out she was stealing family money, and how much, I fought her like the Devil.

By the way, any men reading this: this thread shows how women thing--it's all about the money. Your relationship is about you working hard so they can spend, spend, spend.

Yes, how dare this woman not want to continue a relationship where her partner yells and throws things at her! Clearly this man will stop all that if asked nicely. What a gold-digger. /s

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is fraud. It is theft of marital property. If a husband shouldn't do it then a wife shouldn't do it.

Withdrawing money from a joint bank account is theft of marital property?

It is if the money disappears. She can take half, and deposit it in another account, making sure there is a paper trail to show the lawyers and judge.

BTW when my friend saw his checking account emptied (to the tune of $20,000), he figured his wife was planning a divorce. But she still took nearly two more years to file. In the meantime, with the lead time she foolishly gave him, he moved about $500,000 into safe places. Today he owns the family home, the children live with him, and his ex is working as a house cleaner to make ends meet.

I'd say she's probably fortunate to be away from a man who would do what you've said. I can see why she was trying to escape, although she went about it the wrong way. He sounds mean.

OP here.

No, I'm not permanently hiding money. Obviously a forensic accountant would uncover that. I am afraid that if he knows I am leaving, he will attempt to leave me and the kids in a bind financially. I don't really have any family to help because my relatives are not wealthy. The type of man who is verbally and emotionally abusive will do many things that others find shocking.

And yes, of course I am all too familiar with the Rob Porter story. It hits too close too home for me to even read. I am so very glad for those women that they didn't have children. But I do. And it makes it much more complicated. I am also familiar with the John Federer story and those stories - of successful professionals with a secret like this - they are very hard for me to read. I have come close to telling my sister the truth but haven't quite gotten there yet. It's just so hard.

To answer your questions, I don't know how I had three kids with an abusive spouse. I look back and wonder which signs I should have heeded and where things went so drastically wrong. We met in college, and have been together more than 25 years. Obviously he wasn't like this back then, but as he got more and more "successful"he changed dramatically. Of course I wish I would have done things differently and I am full of regret and guilt for my children. The oldest, who is a teenager, probably also qualifies as being emotionally abused by DH. It's awful, and shameful, and I'm trying very hard to do the right thing now, for them.

Thanks for the advice.

Anonymous wrote:As far as I can tell op isn’t trying to permanently hide the $. Yes, if she wanted to truly hide it, it would be fraud.

I think she wants to set some aside for her own access, should she need to get away.

Eventually, she’d get her share or be able to pay for kids stuff ok her own.

The reason for hiding isn’t fraud; it’s to not trigger suspicion that she wants to leave.

Op, if I put too many words in your mouth, speak up.

That is not the impression I have. If this were the case, just take half the joint bank account. No need to hide money.

Anonymous wrote:As a woman who was left With her young children after my ex cleared out all of the bank accounts I absolutely think that you are doing the right thing. I was extremely lucky to have a dear friend bring me $500 the next day just so I had money for food and gas. And after that I had a family member give me a large sum of money for us to get started again. Of course, my ex pay dearly for this in court, but I needed money immediately

Yes, judges do not like people hiding money. Once it is discovered you will regret doing it

As a woman who was left With her young children after my ex cleared out all of the bank accounts I absolutely think that you are doing the right thing. I was extremely lucky to have a dear friend bring me $500 the next day just so I had money for food and gas. And after that I had a family member give me a large sum of money for us to get started again. Of course, my ex pay dearly for this in court, but I needed money immediately

I had my sister open a savings account and she has access and I also have a debit card which gives me access. Every few days I take cash back at grocery store and other opportunities like that and then I deposit into this account. I have saved over 50k in the past few years doing this. It’s there when I need it. I trust my sister and it’s not traceable. Even if he finds the debit card with her name on it I can just say she left it in my car or something.

I am assuming this is just emergency, temp living money (lawyer, food, hotel, etc.) and that you're not trying to steal marital assets.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is fraud. It is theft of marital property. If a husband shouldn't do it then a wife shouldn't do it.

Withdrawing money from a joint bank account is theft of marital property?

It is if the money disappears. She can take half, and deposit it in another account, making sure there is a paper trail to show the lawyers and judge.

BTW when my friend saw his checking account emptied (to the tune of $20,000), he figured his wife was planning a divorce. But she still took nearly two more years to file. In the meantime, with the lead time she foolishly gave him, he moved about $500,000 into safe places. Today he owns the family home, the children live with him, and his ex is working as a house cleaner to make ends meet.

Justice will be complete when she's cleaning HIS house. Serves her right for trying to steal $20k.

I would be too nervous to use a safe deposit box. What if your spouse is suspicious and subpoenas every bank in the area? Or at some point he sees some evidence of a bank the two of you have never used? He may think nothing of it at the time, but do some digging after you file.