OP why isn't Ethan living with her?

Anonymous wrote:Just out of curiosity, what's the big danger/violation here?

A) Trying to steal husband back?
B) Disrespecting OP by not getting permission to come by?
C) Violating some courtesy protocol by not coming by when OP is around?

Help me understand what the panic/outrage is about.

I think it’s a

OP, why haven't you talked to your husband about this, if it bothers you?

Whatever you do, in the future:

1) Don't use your daughter as a spy

2) Don't use your nanny as a spy

3) Don't say that your stepson "lives with you," meaning you, your husband and your daughter. He doesn't "live with you," he's a part of your family. This is Ethan's home. You may want to examine that, and address it. Because if we're picking up on this vibe that you don't truly think of your stepson as family, then believe me, he's picked up on it, too.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

Perfect answer, plus very tactful. That should be enough where she stops doing that.

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Anonymous wrote:None of that matters and none of you know her circumstances. Coming over during the day when her dh is suppose to be working is not right. She can come to pick up her son and then visit with him that way. She doesn't need to be inside of OP's home imo when she's not there. Her home is not a visiting site either. I assume she has her allotted time with her son.

I can see once or twice to bring something over to her son, BUT if this continues she should talk to DH.

It's not just OP's home, dingbat. It's Ethan's home, too. It's Ethan's dad's home, too. Those three people are a family, whether OP likes it or not.

It sounds like the ex-wife, ex-husband and son have a healthy and close relationship. That's wonderful! Now, if they were going up to Ethan's room together to sit on the bed and chat, that would be one thing. But they are not. They are *standing in a hallway.*

Shit for brains. Ethan and dad are family, ex is not. Plus it's her home too so she get's a say. Ethan isn't an adult so that rests on the homeowners who are OP and legal husband! It may be innocent, and he needed some stuff for school etc. If it becomes a habit OP and DH need to put a stop to it.

Let me break it down for you. A mother, a father and a child are ALWAYS a family. When divorce happens, the family lives in different households, but is still a family. When remarriage happens, the family is expanded to include step-parents and step-siblings, etc. A new nuclear family is also born, but it doesn't negate the original nuclear family.

OP gets *a say,* yes, but not THE say. If the dad and the son are OK with the ex-wife dropping by every now and then and having a brief, pleasant chat, that's fine.

Sounds like OP's husband is fine with it. OP needs to grow up.

Our exes are not part of our family in any form. Only the children are. it's not a stead fast rule obviously.

It must be when Ethan is home from school or something. OP needs to tell us more.

You mean...except the part where none of your children would exist without your exes?

How very sad.

They're family with their kids, not the divorced ex. It's not sad and sounds like you haven't moved on in your personal life and should.

You need to learn something about parenting. To the kids, it is still their nuclear family. And no I'm not a divorcee who can't move on, I'm the child of divorce who, for my graduation and wedding, only wanted a picture of myself with my mom and dad. They were not lucky/selfless enough to figure out how to divorce amicably.

What OP describes is the best possible scenario for Ethan. A lot of you don't seem to give a crap about Ethan, which is of course why divorce ends up messing kids up. If Ethan is OP's kid now (and that's how she should think of him) then she should be making decisions first about what is best for ethan and then what is best for her. But she's not. I hope her DH is in a better frame of mind about it.

Just out of curiosity, what's the big danger/violation here?

A) Trying to steal husband back?
B) Disrespecting OP by not getting permission to come by?
C) Violating some courtesy protocol by not coming by when OP is around?

Help me understand what the panic/outrage is about.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

You can't honestly believe OP should do that without speaking to her husband (and Ethan) first? There's no reason to believe anyone else has a problem with occasional visits that lead to conversations. I think OP is a bit over the line to even post this thread, but is setting herself up for marital disaster if she follows your advice here. How often DH's ex sees him and her son may well be governed by a custody agreement, but that agreement is between the two exes, not OP. She should not insert herself, particularly to create a problem where one does not currently exist.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

You are definitely not a member of a divorced/blended family.

Anonymous wrote:The stepmonsters on this board are really out of your gourds. Then you all turn around and complain about how your stepchildren are ungrateful, how your DHs ex is such a B, bla bla bla. The poor children growing up in your homes... yikes.

That it's bothering her enough to post it on a message board in hopes of drawing in other stepmothers to support her is ---- pathetic. This only points to horrible insecurity. There is only one way to get this insecure. Her dh is a cheater. And OP can't stand imagining them hanging out together laughing and enjoying each other's company. Poor Ethan is stuck in the middle of these idiot adults.

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Anonymous wrote:If OP is the mistress who broke up a family, and knows her husband to be a cheater, that would explain her insecurity and panic.

Bahaha! Now you're just making stuff up because that's what happened to you!

Nope! Sorry. Married with kids. No exes or step-children in our life.

OP, what is the custody agreement? Does she have specific visitation days or is it open? Is there any reason she shouldn't see her son? If not, email her and ask if everything is ok as she seems to be dropping over a lot. Tell her you don't mind if she wants to pick him up and take him out for a few hours as long as homework is done but please let you know 24 hours in advanced, if possible.

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Anonymous wrote:There's obviously some bitter ex wives on here.

Sorry but there's no reason for her to "keep" doing that. If it's a few times I'd let it go.

A habit - that would stop.

I'm not a bitter x-wife. I'm team Ethan. I don't care about either woman. I care about Ethan. You apparently don't, as you're more invested in your position in the household.

You're a major projector. There's no team, merely boundaries and the ex may be crossing hers.

OP needs to give us more info. Thanks but I'll wait for that.

NP. If the DH thinks the ex-wife is out of line, he can talk to her. If Ethan is uncomfortable with it, he can talk to his mom. But it seems like OP is the only one uncomfortable with it. Then again, maybe her daughter and nanny are uncomfortable being spies.

Anonymous wrote:If OP is the mistress who broke up a family, and knows her husband to be a cheater, that would explain her insecurity and panic.

Bahaha! Now you're just making stuff up because that's what happened to you!

The stepmonsters on this board are really out of your gourds. Then you all turn around and complain about how your stepchildren are ungrateful, how your DHs ex is such a B, bla bla bla. The poor children growing up in your homes... yikes.

If OP is the mistress who broke up a family, and knows her husband to be a cheater, that would explain her insecurity and panic.