Anonymous wrote:I think about it a lot, and have been married 7 years (together 10). He's unreliable and rather inconsiderate about most things, but he's not abusive. He just never feels present - he's always on his phone or computer, even with the baby. It doesn't feel like a good enough reason to leave, it doesn't feel "big" enough. We have talked about therapy but haven't ever been able to made it work. It's often very exhausting but I don't really know what else to do.

You need to do therapy with someone who can help his untreated ADD. If he can manager his symptoms things could get drastically better!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single day. There is no reason for us to be married other than the kids. We don’t much like each other, don’t spend time together, and like some of the PPs don’t even sleep in the same room. Our day to day varies from quietly civil to huge (emotionally scarring) rampages. DW has various mental health issues and I think the kids need me as a buffer, which is the main reason I haven’t left. I’m afraid she would do something truly terrible if I ever went through with it. But I feel like my own life and happiness are pretty much over.

This was me. XDH had/has severe mental issues and I didn’t want the kids to spend time alone with him in a shared custody arrangement. No, I don’t think he would ever have abused them physically. But he couldn't handle even the simplest logistics and he would have abused them mentally in various manipulative ways (in fact he did that while we were still married despite my vigilance).

Same here, he can not remember most things and never how to fix what has been messed up. It would have been a mess, I never stopped cleaning up his messes until the last kid was out, and I was done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots. Kind of a, what kind of a house could I afford, would I be able to figure out the TV and internet type of thoughts. How would dating go (because, yes, I'd be dating), what kind of jerks are out there kind of thoughts. Would my internal monologue calm down? Thoughts about never having sex again (no a good thought) but then also never having to have sex with DH again (this isn't a bad thought). Thoughts about how my kids would handle it. THere is so much going on surrounding this subject that I probably couldn't catalog it all.

This describes me. I even look at real estate listings to check out what I could afford on my own (depressing).

Yes, so do I.

31 year marriage and separation will happen by this summer. Sad in a way but very angry that I wasted so many years of my life. Nobody had a gun to my head.

I have been with my husband for 20 years and have never once thought of divorce. I am sad for all the people on here who married the wrong person. But I understand why it is so difficult to leave and start over.

Anonymous wrote:Lots. Kind of a, what kind of a house could I afford, would I be able to figure out the TV and internet type of thoughts. How would dating go (because, yes, I'd be dating), what kind of jerks are out there kind of thoughts. Would my internal monologue calm down? Thoughts about never having sex again (no a good thought) but then also never having to have sex with DH again (this isn't a bad thought). Thoughts about how my kids would handle it. THere is so much going on surrounding this subject that I probably couldn't catalog it all.

This describes me. I even look at real estate listings to check out what I could afford on my own (depressing).

Seriously consider or fantasize? I have the passing thought Often. But more often, I fantasize that he died, and I am a tragic widow, but I have the freedom to do whatever I want.
I actually think we have a good marriage. We miss and hug and ask about each other's day. We coparent fairly well. We go on date nights, have mutual friends, and have a good sex life. But sometimes living with someone day after day and having to make compromises grates on you. Also, I am not a very nice person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you've been married at least 10 years before you decide, OP.

Why do you say that? Thanks

If you're married 10 years or more, you are entitled to half of his Social Security later (if you're not remarried by then) - https://www.ssa.gov/planners/retire/divspouse.html

It can also affect alimony - https://www.wife.org/ss-benefits-married10years.htm

Gentlemen, pay attention to this. it's all about the money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think about it a lot, and have been married 7 years (together 10). He's unreliable and rather inconsiderate about most things, but he's not abusive. He just never feels present - he's always on his phone or computer, even with the baby. It doesn't feel like a good enough reason to leave, it doesn't feel "big" enough. We have talked about therapy but haven't ever been able to made it work. It's often very exhausting but I don't really know what else to do.

What keeps you in the marriage?

Inertia? I'm not sure. Sometimes things are ok.

Many, many times the first two years we were married. The only reason I didn’t leave was because I was pregnant and felt like I owed it to our kid to try to make our relationship work.

Things got a lot better once he baby was born. My DH is a good father and something about having a kid together made him start taking my concerns more seriously and making some changes. He started taking meds for his anxiety.

We have now been married 5 years, together 10, and I love him like crazy - I don’t think about divorce anymore. We have 3 kids now, too.

All that being said, the first tough years of marriage made me realize that I never want to feel stuck again, like I felt then. I will never quit working because a man is not a plan.

All the damn time. (15 year served.)