Everyone’s situation is different. Amicable divorce, high earning spouse. He travels a lot so needs me in much the way he did before to handle the vast majority of the “kid stuff” I am a SAHM and he very willingly agreed to support that until Kids in college. He pays private school and we split savings accrued during marriage. He’s wealthy and kids are teens, so this isn’t for a long period. I will either go back to work at 55 or I’ll live fairly modestly off of my half of the savings/assets which is about 3m

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

I agree. I’m the XDW with the XDH who is going after my 401(k). We earned about the same income and we both had 401(k)s. But I managed to save a lot more even though I paid 100% of the mortgage and maybe 80% of the private school bills. I used to joke to my mom and sister that I didn’t know where his paycheck went. I still don’t.

That said, trying to get something different than a 50-50 split is really hard. The greedy spouse will always argue that they couldn’t save because they were footing car repair bills or new appliances or whatever each month. At the end of the day, the judge will probably decide that household money is fungible, and unless you can prove an account in the Cayman Islands or that he supported his AP in an apartment or something, spending your money to get your lawyers to pursue this, or hiring a forensic accountant, probably isn’t worth your time. Of course every case is different, and talk to your lawyer about your own case, but this is what my lawyers told me.

I can still think XDH is greedy and pathetic, though.

Wow. You're the female version of me.

Pp again. I have a female friend who’s in the same boat as me/us.

I agree SAHPs (parents) should get something because they don’t have the opportunities to save out of pay, plus many sacrificed careers for kids (despite what our neighborhood Men’s Rights advocate keeps posting).

I think the law should be different for our cases, though.

Problem is, how do you implement something different? The greedy spouse doing the grab is always going to claim they were spending just as much money, but on lots of smaller things like groceries. Even if you know it doesn’t add up (I got my spouse to document his family spending once, under the guise of doing a “budget”—his spending on family stuff was about half of mine). I can certainly document all my mortgage and private school payments, so I wouldn’t have a problem demanding my Ex document his contributions to the family, such as they were. Problem is, who maintains records over multiple years of a marriage? So he’s going to say he can’t document it. As it stands now, my lawyers said I’d have to hire a forensic accountant to prove him wrong (my sister offered to pay for one) and even then courts would probably wave their hands and ignore it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

I agree. I’m the XDW with the XDH who is going after my 401(k). We earned about the same income and we both had 401(k)s. But I managed to save a lot more even though I paid 100% of the mortgage and maybe 80% of the private school bills. I used to joke to my mom and sister that I didn’t know where his paycheck went. I still don’t.

That said, trying to get something different than a 50-50 split is really hard. The greedy spouse will always argue that they couldn’t save because they were footing car repair bills or new appliances or whatever each month. At the end of the day, the judge will probably decide that household money is fungible, and unless you can prove an account in the Cayman Islands or that he supported his AP in an apartment or something, spending your money to get your lawyers to pursue this, or hiring a forensic accountant, probably isn’t worth your time. Of course every case is different, and talk to your lawyer about your own case, but this is what my lawyers told me.

I can still think XDH is greedy and pathetic, though.

So you weren't relying on ex spouse to be free domestic labor while you earned the money? Not really the same then.

I asked my lazy DW to get a job at least one thousand times during the marriage. She preferred to stay at home and nap. I didn't get any free domestic labor, either. Had to take care of that oin my spare time when I wasn't working 50 hours a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

I agree. I’m the XDW with the XDH who is going after my 401(k). We earned about the same income and we both had 401(k)s. But I managed to save a lot more even though I paid 100% of the mortgage and maybe 80% of the private school bills. I used to joke to my mom and sister that I didn’t know where his paycheck went. I still don’t.

That said, trying to get something different than a 50-50 split is really hard. The greedy spouse will always argue that they couldn’t save because they were footing car repair bills or new appliances or whatever each month. At the end of the day, the judge will probably decide that household money is fungible, and unless you can prove an account in the Cayman Islands or that he supported his AP in an apartment or something, spending your money to get your lawyers to pursue this, or hiring a forensic accountant, probably isn’t worth your time. Of course every case is different, and talk to your lawyer about your own case, but this is what my lawyers told me.

I can still think XDH is greedy and pathetic, though.

Wow. You're the female version of me.

Anonymous wrote:sounds like marriage and children is being used as a scam by these people to extract money for men.

are. sounds like marriage and children ARE ...