I understand I’m sorry you go through this. I feel like maybe he has ocd. I’m dealing with this too. It causes so many issues.

Anonymous wrote:OP, unless you are a hoarder who is totally mischaracterizing the situation--i.e., your "family heirlooms" are junk and the fridge is full of moldy food--your DH is being a total dick.

Even if he is neater or more minimalist than you, he needs to respect your stuff. I like the idea that you could (jointly!) designate a place for him to put stuff he thinks needs to get thrown away, and then you could empty it every week, so you have a chance to rescue stuff before it's gone.

+1

What he is doing is damaging your marriage by taking out his on insecurities on you that stem from his childhood living with a hoarder. Maybe he views you as the mother he wished he would have had and so resents you. You need to be firm with him. If I were you I would tell him he needs to seek individual counseling and also go to marriage counseling with you or else you will start throwing his heirlooms, food, etc., in the trash. Maybe then it will stop. I mean, what next? Pictures of you great grandparents, your engagement ring, the last card you got from a dearly loved deceased family member? If you don't nip it in the butt now it will only lead to divorce

I'd start by throwing all his food away. Then move on to other possessions of his, until he stopped.

Sorry OP. But this is war now.

Anonymous wrote:I 'edit' my husband closet a couple times a year. I just throw out the stuff that looks bad. I don't tell him, but I think he knows.

My DH not only notices, but he gets upset, regardless of the quality or condition of the item. So I don't.

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is a jerk. Yesterday's leftovers? Just start throwing or hiding his stuff and let him see how he likes it.

+1. I'd give him a warning and then toss something important to him.

This is just rude and you're going to have to fight fire with fire.

Re reading others posts. If any of you guys are married to passive aggressive types you can’t get them to understand by “giving them a taste of their own medicine”. The more passive aggressive someone is they will make notes of all your triggers and use it against you. I’m tryin’ to play it cool tonight and not flip out on husband because of that

Oops this is recent. To the OP. Sorry that sucks. Marriage and co habitation can be so difficult. My husband just threw out a frozen burrito. It’s driving me nuts right now. I asked him why he did it and he said he didn’t like that brand. (The store didn’t have his brand). I said I was gonna eat it. He didn’t apologize. (I think that was all I was looking for) then claimed I was trying to pick a fight because I asked him not to throw out perfectly good food. We are avoiding each other the rest of the night I think

I feel like I found this post a few years too late. My husband does stuff like this too. On top of it he is generally passive aggressive. So the fact that he knows it bugs me is a weakness. Whenever we fight or I get on his nerves he “accidentally” throws my stuff out.

I tend to be a very cluttered person and I will leave stuff sitting on the kitchen counters for days. It drive my husband nuts so if something on the counter for a week he tosses it. He won't throw out bills. He will do the same with leftovers sitting in the refrigerator. Deep down I know he's right but it is still annoying.

So it it really bothers you get rid of your stuff.

If you're genuinely not leaving out garbage and crap, and he's really actively taking your stuff and throwing it out, including things like paintings your father painted, or children's clothes that still fit, and you've explicitly told him that this upsets you and asked him to stop:

(1) Pack up anything that's really really important to you (heirlooms, important documents, etc.) and put it somewhere safe (in case of escalation), and then

(2) Just start throwing away his stuff. Toss anything leftovers he leaves in the fridge. Anything he leaves out in the living room or kitchen is immediately thrown away the minute he leaves the room. Take his cup away while he's still drinking. If there is any food in the house that only he eats, toss it. Hide his mail. Etc. If he knows this bothers you, and refuses to stop, you have to make him feel it.

What he's doing is not okay. He needs to at least give you a chance to look at stuff before he tosses/donates/puts it in storage. He could say, "Hey, is there a reason these papers are on the table?" before moving them. Etc. Just throwing away someone else's stuff without asking, unless it is obviously garbage (spoiled food, for example) is disrespectful and rude. He's punishing you for his mother's hoarding, and that's not okay.

OP - it's hard for us to know how much stuff you're really leaving around, but I do think an important factor in this is your DHs hoarder family history. My husband is a hoarder only kept in check because I restrict his stuff to half the garage and a couple of rooms in the house. My reaction to his stuff is to be a minimalist and I immediately react to anything new he brings in or anything that sits around for more than a day. He doesn't see himself as a hoarder, so would post on here saying how his wife was trying to throw away his important belongings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop leaving your shit everywhere

This. But I’m the one that WAS tossing my husband’s detritus that would be left on table tops or in the refrigerator. Finally, I cleared out a drawer that he can keep his stuff in. If I find his misc. stuff about I cram it in the drawer for him to find and sort. It works for us. I don’t throw anything away and he just has to look in “his” drawer to find something.
We now clean the fridge out every Sunday night and toss old leftovers or take out containers.

I was up at 4:30 am letting the dog out and found about 10 items on the counter he left (empty baggies, empty food boxes, etc). They are now on his laptop keyboard for him to sort.

Anonymous wrote:Stop leaving your shit everywhere

I'm pretty careful about what I put away, but if I didn't put things away, the whole house would look like my husband's workshop, where there are actual paths you have to walk in, in order to move around. So much junk.

Your “Dear” Hubby sounds like he is suffering from OCD.

He needs to get on some medication in order to control his urges.