Anonymous
10/28/2018 08:25
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
It's the current equivalent of growing your hair long in the 1960s. The danger is there will be real damage if they take hormones or become sexually active. Reversing this takes more than cutting your hair.
Anonymous
10/22/2018 11:39
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"Gender non-conforming" is just a new word to describe what people have been doing forever.
When I was in high school, there were boys who wore makeup and girls who shaved their heads and wore combat boots. There wasn't really a term for it. Eventually, they mostly went back to a traditional gender appearance. I think only a relatively small percentage will keep it up once they are past their teens/early twenties.
In my opinion, it's mostly harmless experimentation as long as they don't hassle others about it.
Not really. When I was in high school there were tomboys, but not girls who went out of their way to look like men. And in any event, no one was claiming to be some sort of third gender.
A "tomboy" IS someone who is gender-nonconforming. When I was in high school, Boy George, Prince, David Bowie-- all gender nonconforming and hugely popular. It's not a new idea by any means. It's just the particular phrase that's new.
And it's also no big deal. This is what kids do.
I agree, it is no big deal. It is what kids do. But when they are your kids you worry they won't be happy or fulfilled or accepted. We parents just need to chill sometimes.
Anonymous
10/16/2018 19:29
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"Gender non-conforming" is just a new word to describe what people have been doing forever.
When I was in high school, there were boys who wore makeup and girls who shaved their heads and wore combat boots. There wasn't really a term for it. Eventually, they mostly went back to a traditional gender appearance. I think only a relatively small percentage will keep it up once they are past their teens/early twenties.
In my opinion, it's mostly harmless experimentation as long as they don't hassle others about it.
Not really. When I was in high school there were tomboys, but not girls who went out of their way to look like men. And in any event, no one was claiming to be some sort of third gender.
A "tomboy" IS someone who is gender-nonconforming. When I was in high school, Boy George, Prince, David Bowie-- all gender nonconforming and hugely popular. It's not a new idea by any means. It's just the particular phrase that's new.
And it's also no big deal. This is what kids do.
Anonymous
09/07/2018 12:18
Subject: Re:All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
I am the OP from this thread.
Just an update, the youngest, a 14 year old biological boy has declared him/herself to be fully transgender now and has selected a girl name. AFAIK, the older two (both biological girls) still identify as GNC girls, although they are regularly mistaken for boys in public.
Thank you for all your responses on this, from all sides of the spectrum. It definitely gives me a lot to think about, although I admit I struggle with the idea that all three of them spontaneously 'feel' misaligned with their biological gender, particularly since I know how very, very, very pro-LGBT their mother is.
I guess it is really none of my business, but I do love them and hope they will be ok.
Just an update, the youngest, a 14 year old biological boy has declared him/herself to be fully transgender now and has selected a girl name. AFAIK, the older two (both biological girls) still identify as GNC girls, although they are regularly mistaken for boys in public.
Thank you for all your responses on this, from all sides of the spectrum. It definitely gives me a lot to think about, although I admit I struggle with the idea that all three of them spontaneously 'feel' misaligned with their biological gender, particularly since I know how very, very, very pro-LGBT their mother is.
I guess it is really none of my business, but I do love them and hope they will be ok.
Anonymous
06/22/2018 11:58
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty obvious the parents are encouraging this nonconforming.
It could also be a function of their peer group. I would only hope that they are exploring this in non-permanent ways, like hair and clothing choices rather than hormones and/or surgery.
Fully half my DD's female classmates claim they're bisexual or lesbian. Statistically based on numbers, 2 should be lesbian and 2 or 3 more bisexual. Instead, at least 15 of them claim to be lesbian.
This. It's a fad.
+1- My 17 y.o. DD declared herself bi, now is sharing she is lesbian and dating another young woman. She is posting pics of herself and her girlfriend and rainbow flag on social media and is getting tons of "Proud of You" and likes, etc. She loves the attention and the support- it is by far the most attention she has ever gotten on these sites. Not sure how things will end up but I'm trying not to get caught up in it and accepting but I'm not running around posting how proud I am- I don't do that for my other kids.
Anonymous
06/21/2018 19:21
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to add from a random google search:
Tell Me More About Being Gender Non-Conforming:
Gender non-conforming refers to people who do not adhere to society's rules about dress and activities for people that are based on their biological sex and gender assignment.
A gender non-conforming person may choose to present as neither clearly male, nor clearly female, but rather as a gender-free individual.
I, personally, am a 35 year old woman who conforms to all gender stereotypes: long blonde hair, I wear makeup, I'm quite feminine. But I certainly appreciate that there are gender non-conforming people in the world to remind others that having a vagina does not mean I must wear makeup, and having a penis does not mean I can't. Those are just societal rules we can choose to conform to, or not.
My kids were both athletic tomboys from age 6 to about 15. They would have died rather than wear a dress or have fussy hair. I let them and there was zero drama. I feel like people freak out unnecessarily over gender expression.
Anonymous
06/21/2018 19:03
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty obvious the parents are encouraging this nonconforming.
It could also be a function of their peer group. I would only hope that they are exploring this in non-permanent ways, like hair and clothing choices rather than hormones and/or surgery.
Fully half my DD's female classmates claim they're bisexual or lesbian. Statistically based on numbers, 2 should be lesbian and 2 or 3 more bisexual. Instead, at least 15 of them claim to be lesbian.
I teach HS and what the pp is no exaggeration. I'm not sure what's going on with girls today, but it's becoming very rare for adolescent girls to be cisgender heterosexuals.
It's not really much different than bra burning - girls rejecting the roles they are placed in due to gender.
But why would so many girls want to look manly? Sorry, that just doesn't seem natural to me.
For starters, because women are treated as second class citizens, discriminated against, beaten, murdered, ignored...
Anonymous
06/21/2018 19:01
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Did no one here go through a non conformist phase?
Honey, the ladies of DCUM were born clutching their pearls!
Anonymous
06/21/2018 17:21
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:I have three nieces and nephews that I love dearly, but I moved away from them about a decade ago, when they were still young.
They are now all teenagers and all three identify as 'gender non-conforming' and if I didn't know that they still use the pronouns that conform to their birth-gender, I would assume they were transgender (to give you an idea of how they dress, style their hair, etc).
How common is this for it to occur among all three children in one family? Other members of our family think that their parents (very liberal and pro LGBT) must be pushing or at least heavily encouraging this behavior for all of their children to identify this way in their teen years.
I don't really have anyone else to ask and was just wondering if this could, in fact, occur randomly or if it is likely something encouraged at home.
Clearly encouraged at home and probably school too.
Anonymous
05/17/2018 07:53
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous[b wrote:]Gender roles are all arbitrary to a certain degree (pink used to be the "boy") color, so all they're doing is recognizing that. It doesn't mean they are gay, bi, trans, or anything[/b].
It's more than just that. They are referring to themselves as gender fluid or non-binary and rejecting male/female pronouns. I work with teens, I know this.
eh. that's just a contiuum of playing with the concept. I'm sure that women wearing pants was considered as insanely rebellious at one time.
I wore pants to an event with mostly Orthodox Jews and I had multiple people come up to me saying they were impressed with my bravery. I had no idea I was making a statement.
People are so ridiculous, aren’t they?
Anonymous
05/16/2018 07:17
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
My adolescent DD and her two teen cousins are all GNC. I can't tell yet if it's just trendy or if it's sincere.
Anonymous
05/16/2018 06:59
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
IDK, I think genetics can have something to do with it. Half my family is from a pretty conservative Asian country and on that side of the family, I have three (suspect a fourth) gay or transgendered cousins. Two sets of siblings. I know for a fact that in at least one of the families, the family was NOT accepting.
Anonymous
05/16/2018 06:53
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous[b wrote:]Gender roles are all arbitrary to a certain degree (pink used to be the "boy") color, so all they're doing is recognizing that. It doesn't mean they are gay, bi, trans, or anything[/b].
It's more than just that. They are referring to themselves as gender fluid or non-binary and rejecting male/female pronouns. I work with teens, I know this.
eh. that's just a contiuum of playing with the concept. I'm sure that women wearing pants was considered as insanely rebellious at one time.
I wore pants to an event with mostly Orthodox Jews and I had multiple people come up to me saying they were impressed with my bravery. I had no idea I was making a statement.
Anonymous
05/16/2018 06:40
Subject: Re:All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
I’m gender nonconforming at age 50 & yet I’ve been married to a hot guy for 25 years & I have a bunch of kids. Conforming to societies preconceived notions of what a boy is and what a girl is is ridiculous. Just let them be.
Anonymous
05/16/2018 03:48
Subject: All three adolescent children in one family gender non-conforming?
Gender non-conforming means that they're not following "typical" gender roles. For instance, a man who acts feminine. A woman who dresses masculine.
It's not really a trans thing specifically.
It's not really a trans thing specifically.