Anonymous wrote:
Alcoholism runs deep in my family. I married a man that was one year into sobriety when we met. We're 15 years in and he's still 100% sober.

Some things I will never have to experience include:

My husband will never claim he was drunk and foolishly cheated on me.
My husband will never get a DWI/DUI.
My husband will never act like a damn fool because he drank too much.

The best part?

Our kids have a good upbringing without beer cans being in most birthday or holiday pictures (like mine).
Our kids won't have to hear on the news at night that there was a drunk driving crash that nearly killed their parent (nothing like seeing your parent so bruised in the face that they are almost unrecognizable and with many broken bones)
Our kids also won't experience the next car accident involving yet another DUI from a different family member that resulted in a brain injury (no one else was hurt, thankfully).

I prefer non-drinkers, OP!

I'm sorry you've been through this but you realize what you describe is not the norm for people who drink socially (which is the VAST majority of drinkers).

A close friend of mine doesn't drink, and we are still close, but honestly it'd be a bit easier if she did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I don’t drink, and my husband does very occasionally. I don’t care if others drink. I don’t offer people alcohol when they come over because we don’t have any around, and why would it be necessary? Do people really expect booze every time they go somewhere? I might not offer steak or chocolate pie on a given day either. Why would it matter?

To any sort of party or celebratory function, yes. Especially one held in the evening.

In some countries alcoholism seems mandatory.

Anonymous wrote:I think your problem, OP, is that you aren't just a non-drinker -- you're anti-drinking.

I had a friend give up alcohol and while she claimed she was fine with other people drinking, everytime we did she would start talking at length about how great she felt since she quit drinking. On and on and on.

I don't smoke pot or like NASCAR or eat beets, but I don't talk about it, don't judge people who do, don't even give it a second thought. Try that.

Agree. I don't care if people drink or not, makes no difference to me. However if you have a negative comment any time someone so much as peruses the beer/wine list (looking at you, DH's best buddy's new wife), I'm going to roll my eyes at you and order a drink anyway.

OPs comment about every event being centered around alcohol makes me wonder what her definition of that is. Are you interpreting any event that INVOLVES alcohol (i.e. went to a Nats game and Charlie ordered a beer, went out to dinner and Deb and Peter both had wine, met up with the girls at the overhyped overpriced tapas place for tapas and wine) as being "alcohol centric"? To me, alcohol centric is a wine tour or a beer pong tourney, not an event where alcohol may be available.

Anonymous wrote:NP. I don’t drink, and my husband does very occasionally. I don’t care if others drink. I don’t offer people alcohol when they come over because we don’t have any around, and why would it be necessary? Do people really expect booze every time they go somewhere? I might not offer steak or chocolate pie on a given day either. Why would it matter?

To any sort of party or celebratory function, yes. Especially one held in the evening.

Sure, as long as you don't have any opposition to occasionally hanging out at a bar and ordering a soda, no problem.

Yes, of course. One of my most social friends doesn't drink and it certainly doesn't impede her busy social life.

I myself don't drink much, as I'm Asian and don't have the enzyme that metabolizes alcohol (meaning 1/2 drink and I feel hit by a mac truck).

Of course! One of my most fun friends never touches a drop of alcohol.

Maybe you should befriend Mormons?

My husband and I certainly have friends who don't drink (a couple recovering alcoholics, as well as one person who just doesn't like alcohol). What we don't have are friends who don't drink and are judgmental or holier-than-thou about it. If you think that your not-drinking makes you better than people who drink, or you think that everyone who drinks is really an alcoholic or can't have fun without being drunk or some other stupid over-generalization, we are not going to be your friends. Because you are an idiot. If you just happen to not drink, and don't make a thing out of it, we don't care. So, really, it's your personality that matters, not your choice to consume or not consume alcohol.

PP two up and I do have alcohol for guests when I host. Jus like I would cater to their dietary lines and dislikes I enjoy serving them what they like to drink. I usually buy it per occasion though instead of having a fully stocked bar like I used to. That works for me personally but if someone wasn’t comfortable having it in their home after personally struggling? As their friend I would neve want to endanger them or sobriety- good for them for having boundaries and protecting their sobriety.

NP. I don’t drink, and my husband does very occasionally. I don’t care if others drink. I don’t offer people alcohol when they come over because we don’t have any around, and why would it be necessary? Do people really expect booze every time they go somewhere? I might not offer steak or chocolate pie on a given day either. Why would it matter?

I say I don’t drink to allow people to know that they can stop offering me different or other beverages.

Here’s the deal- many are saying it’s “different” if they know someone is in recovery. I can tell you that it is NOT an easy thing to tell others and it becomes even more difficult when you’ve had a problem with alcohol but don’t go to a 12 step program or otherwise outwardly show it. I quit drinking a year ago. I was fun before but there was an element of “who knows what might happen kind of fun- A dui? Falling down? An argument? Who knows!” Plus I would have no memory of our night and be filled with dread for the whole next day. Now I have actual fun with the same people and actually remember it! I’m happy for my friends that they aren’t affected by alcohol like I was and I’m happy they can enjoy it- but I have no doubt tha I can’t.

Please just be considerate and remember that just like you don’t reveal your medical history to me when we have a cup of tea, I may not feel safe talking about my medical history simply because you offered me alcohol. If you just believe the best about people you can have your drink and enjoy it and you can trust me to know that me not drinking is intensely private- Not a judgement of drinkers in any way. I’d be on your team if I could, I just can’t be.

I think the weird thing is announcing you don't drink. I drink so rarely that I effectively don't drink - maybe 2x a year, and I never finish the glass -- but I don't tell people anything. If I go out, I just order something non-alcoholic. Any host should always have something non alcoholic on offer - that's the only thing that pisses me off, you go to an event or a dinner and there's wine, booze, and that's it - plenty of people don't drink on a particular day or are the DD.

But I will say there are a subset of people who get very loudness and annoying after they've had a few, and when you're the only sober person in a room full of them, they are nowhere near as witty and interesting as they think they are. And also please stop prattling on about "wine" - have a drink, appreciate a bottle but stop pretending like you're a master vintner with the worlds best palate and talking about it incessantly. It really is now a very basic thing to do. Just have a drink.

People who care about this tend to have their own issues with alcohol. I think most of my casual friends don’t realize that I don’t drink because I don’t make a big deal about it and they don’t feel defensive about their drinking.