Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 09:50     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:^Seems like the best outcome would be that the AP marries someone at some point who decides to adopt the child.


I don't know if you can adopt someone with two living parents but it would certainly be easier if she was married and had someone to lighten her parenting load.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 09:30     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My friends neighbor did the 23 and me test with her family. Turned out she didn’t match her Dad’s DNA profile..mother had to dress up she had an affair and that the man who raised her wasn’t her dad. Of course he didn’t find out until then either


I bet this starts happening a lot more now that these tests are getting more popular.

Myra this could be hidden in the last. My mom was an L&D nurse and she always said it was so awkward when two white parents had a black baby.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 09:22     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
My father had a baby with his affair partner. My mom knew and divorced him, but they did not tell us kids for 2 years. When my mom got remarried, my dad told us and started living with his new family. Until then my dad had been living separately from both us and them. After we knew, we figured out that they had come over to our dad’s house once while we were visiting and we had played with the baby not knowing she was our sister. They then had another baby, got married, and have been together for over 30 years now.

We had a good relationship with our dad and stepmom until our generation started having kids. Then she got weird out of the blue and at this point doesn’t speak to one of us. The rest of us just ignore it all so we can see our dad and half- sisters.

The worst part of all of this was the secrecy and lies. If you are ever in this situation just figure out what you are going to do and be honest about it!!
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 09:22     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:TO do this 23 and me test, do you only need your dNA? How are they mapping to other people if it is just your data being collected?


I think they map it to everyone else's DNA that they have collected. My understanding is that part of the terms of service is that you allow them to retain your DNA for future mapping. They may also have entered into partnership agreements with the other services to share access to your DNA.


My Dad did the test, and then I did it months later. The first statement in my results page said "Larlo Jones is your father". Luckily, he is. An elderly relative in his 80's did the test and found a half-sister from his father. He was shocked at learning this so late in life, but sadly not surprised given what he knew about his parents' marriage. He and his half-sister have been in contact, and through that he realized he had known his father's AP as a neighbor/acquaintance.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 09:13     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you need to have more than a few screws loose to be the AP of a married man and keep the baby. It's absolutely insane and recipe for a life of drama, pain, and crippling heartache (for both the mother, baby, and father).

The female AP is basically a massive masochist.



Yes, but people who have affairs often have a few screws loose anyway.

Boys, keep control and custody of your sperm so crazy ladies don't use it to make babies!
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 08:55     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
^Seems like the best outcome would be that the AP marries someone at some point who decides to adopt the child.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 08:31     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you need to have more than a few screws loose to be the AP of a married man and keep the baby. It's absolutely insane and recipe for a life of drama, pain, and crippling heartache (for both the mother, baby, and father).

The female AP is basically a massive masochist.



I know my husband's AP kept the baby in hopes that he will leave me and marry her. I'm sure he encouraged her in this thinking because no sane woman would have a baby otherwise. Well, not only did he not leave me, but we ended up having more children. She is very angry, and now, when she is realizing how much drama there will be for her child in the foreseeable future, she gets angrier every day. It's a terrible situation, as I said. No one wins, everyone is in pain, forever. She says her daughter has been deprived of a father for five years, and I'm like yes....she has been...what did you think it was going to be like?


Sounds like you're still (understandably) angry too.

Not sure I could respect a man who doesn't father his kids enough to remain with him.

One day your children will know that their parents knew of their sister but deliberately ignored her. Not sure how I'd feel about my parents doing that.

I'm really not judging you because I can't imagine the betrayal. I also realize you guys are trying to deal with life the best way you can. But I'd encourage you to seriously reconsider tossing that child away. You need to look at the bigger picture. I can't imagine much good coming to adults who turn their backs on flesh and blood.


She isn't tossed away. He sees his daughter (with the AP) at least three times a week. He also takes her to school and picks her up every day (it's on the way). All the kids have dinner together once a week.

The reality is, however, that our kids get a lot more parenting time and resources than that. That's just the fact of life. She is angry about that because she somehow envisaged a scenario where kids get "equal time". That's impossible. Time is finite, and more time spent in one place means less time somewhere else. Much of this stems from the fact that she doesn't allow the girl to come to our house (that way she could spend more time with her father and siblings in a way that doesn't take time away from the family). It is what it is. The AP, however, doesn't seem to understand that she is the reason her daughter is deprived of a full-time father because she decided to have a child with a married man.

And that was my original point. Having a child outside of marriage is a terrible, terrible decision. It creates so much pain and drama for everyone involved, and primarily for the innocent parties - the wife and the children, both of marriage and of the AP. There are no winners there.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 06:34     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know of several stories like this sadly.

There used to be a lady online who blogged on a marriage/family blog about her husband stepping out on her with his partner (he was a police officer). Well the partner got pregnant with twins and the wife stayed with him.

Husband built a nursery in his home with his wife for the boys prior to their birth and was very supportive of his partner throughout the pregnancy.The husband insisted on being with the partner while she gave birth so he could see his sons being born. The wife stayed home and got the room together even though she was distraught. The husband and wife had two daughters who were older.

The point of the blog was for her to show her relationship with Christ and how Christ is able to heal anything. What's crazy is the baby momma/partner used to come on her blog and taunt her about the fact that she was still sleeping with the husband.

It was quite entertaining honestly. The wife eventually stopped blogging because the partner/baby momma would not leave her alone.


OMG you’ve gotta post the link to that site.



Thanks for posting this!

Where are the mistresses comments? That's all I wanted to see.

And bless that wife's heart.

http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2012/05/im-not-a-stepmom/


You have to go to the website and enter the wife's name into the search feature and all of her articles will come up. She wrote quite a few blogs so you will have to go back several pages in order to get the full story. Scroll down on the article and the comments are at the bottom. She stopped blogging years ago on that particular website, because like I said the mistress stalked her on the pages. She had another blog that was her own and the mistress stalked her out there too. Mistress was relentless. She was pretty much on a mission to expose the author's marriage as a fraud.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 06:31     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
My wife's maternal grandmother has a sister that is purportedly the product of an affair (baby boomer era). secre She looks different, acts different, and even moved away from the area and keeps minimal contact with the family. She is on her fifth husband. Of course having married into the family I do not know the dynamics and what actually has been disclosed but based on her marriage number it sounds like it adversely affected her.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 00:40     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know of several stories like this sadly.

There used to be a lady online who blogged on a marriage/family blog about her husband stepping out on her with his partner (he was a police officer). Well the partner got pregnant with twins and the wife stayed with him.

Husband built a nursery in his home with his wife for the boys prior to their birth and was very supportive of his partner throughout the pregnancy.The husband insisted on being with the partner while she gave birth so he could see his sons being born. The wife stayed home and got the room together even though she was distraught. The husband and wife had two daughters who were older.

The point of the blog was for her to show her relationship with Christ and how Christ is able to heal anything. What's crazy is the baby momma/partner used to come on her blog and taunt her about the fact that she was still sleeping with the husband.

It was quite entertaining honestly. The wife eventually stopped blogging because the partner/baby momma would not leave her alone.


OMG you’ve gotta post the link to that site.



Thanks for posting this!

Where are the mistresses comments? That's all I wanted to see.

And bless that wife's heart.

http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/2012/05/im-not-a-stepmom/
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2018 00:34     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Honestly, you need to have more than a few screws loose to be the AP of a married man and keep the baby. It's absolutely insane and recipe for a life of drama, pain, and crippling heartache (for both the mother, baby, and father).

The female AP is basically a massive masochist.



I know my husband's AP kept the baby in hopes that he will leave me and marry her. I'm sure he encouraged her in this thinking because no sane woman would have a baby otherwise. Well, not only did he not leave me, but we ended up having more children. She is very angry, and now, when she is realizing how much drama there will be for her child in the foreseeable future, she gets angrier every day. It's a terrible situation, as I said. No one wins, everyone is in pain, forever. She says her daughter has been deprived of a father for five years, and I'm like yes....she has been...what did you think it was going to be like?


Sounds like you're still (understandably) angry too.

Not sure I could respect a man who doesn't father his kids enough to remain with him.

One day your children will know that their parents knew of their sister but deliberately ignored her. Not sure how I'd feel about my parents doing that.

I'm really not judging you because I can't imagine the betrayal. I also realize you guys are trying to deal with life the best way you can. But I'd encourage you to seriously reconsider tossing that child away. You need to look at the bigger picture. I can't imagine much good coming to adults who turn their backs on flesh and blood.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2018 21:20     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My friends neighbor did the 23 and me test with her family. Turned out she didn’t match her Dad’s DNA profile..mother had to dress up she had an affair and that the man who raised her wasn’t her dad. Of course he didn’t find out until then either


I bet this starts happening a lot more now that these tests are getting more popular.


One of my kids had to have genetic tests done when he was a toddler due to some.developmental issues. One of the things my husband and I had to be counseled on when we signed off on the test was that they sometimes surprise the parents with unexpected information (ie child is the product of an affair by mom or parents come from.the same family tree somewhere down the line).

Jokingly asked if that ever really happens and they doc said yes.



I know a woman whose husband recently left her to go be with his very own first cousin. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2018 18:05     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Children are a blessing.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2018 18:01     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:I read the worst story of this sort a few years ago. Some poor guy's wife cheated with his brother. The husband was understandably incensed and they separated, only for his ex to get pregnant with twins by his brother. His parents felt terribly for the husband but could not cut off their other son/the grandkids. The jilited husband can't go home for holidays without the ex wife, the brother who betrayed him, etc in his face.

Terrible

I could swear I read a Hax or similar column about a woman whose husband cheated on her with her sister, and they were going to patch up till the sister turned up pregnant and her parents refused to cut off the cheaters.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2018 17:18     Subject: S/O AP is pregnant (or AP got me pregnant)
Anonymous wrote:TO do this 23 and me test, do you only need your dNA? How are they mapping to other people if it is just your data being collected?


I wondered this, but then thought it was more like realizing their blood types don’t match.

My mom likes to tell a story from when she was in college (pre-med) and they typed their blood in a class. Two people found out in class that their dads couldn’t be their dads based off blood types.