Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 16:57     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
My daughter was dating someone who wasn't older but who was into a lot of really bad things. She became very depressed, suicidal, started cutting, had to be hospitalized twice, put in a mental facility once, and had to be pulled out of school and put on suicide watch and homebound studies. At the end of the school year last May, I packed her up and sent her to western Oklahoma to live with her dad. She's now a straight A student, is off her meds, hasn't cut in 6 months, and loves her new school. Drastic times call for drastic measures. They came in for Christmas and I suddenly had my happy daughter back! May you know what to do, and have the strength to do it.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 16:04     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The girl is a captive audience and is legally required to be at that school. She doesn't have the option to leave if she doesn't like it.


She does have the option called "home school". Everyone has choices


Oh, really? I wasn't aware that a 14 year old kid can stand up one day and class and tell her teacher - "I'm leaving. I've decided to try home schooling. Buh-bye!"

Maybe your kid can try that and see what happens?
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 16:03     Subject: 14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thank you daca


OP here. He is not an immigrant, neither are his parents I'm assuming.


Not an immigrant? How stupid do you have to be in HS at age 20?
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 15:49     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:The girl is a captive audience and is legally required to be at that school. She doesn't have the option to leave if she doesn't like it.


She does have the option called "home school". Everyone has choices
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 15:15     Subject: 14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:I read a blog about a girl with medical issues. She has lots of surgeries. She was born on September (cutoff is September 30 in VA) and her mom red shirted her, making her one of the oldest. Mom then retained her again. Since the policy is you can only retain once, she had to get special permission for that. But the school agreed to retain her again so she will be 15 and in middle school. The girl doesn't have intellectual disabilities but struggles with reading and is hearing impaired.


Would her mom be cool with a 22 year old man hitting on her 15 year old daughter in the HS cafeteria?

I understand that there are reasons why kids are old for their grade, that circumstances vary and that sometimes there are exceptions to rules in *rare* circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 15:01     Subject: 14 year old dating 20 year old
I read a blog about a girl with medical issues. She has lots of surgeries. She was born on September (cutoff is September 30 in VA) and her mom red shirted her, making her one of the oldest. Mom then retained her again. Since the policy is you can only retain once, she had to get special permission for that. But the school agreed to retain her again so she will be 15 and in middle school. The girl doesn't have intellectual disabilities but struggles with reading and is hearing impaired.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 14:47     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:OP, my key piece of advice: contact the young man's parents NOW. The thing is, his parents are probably even more alarmed than you are about the relationship, since their son is the one who faces legal jeopardy. Talk to the parents. Likely as not, you will find allies. You might even arrange a meeting in which both sets of parents speak to the two young people about the limits and boundaries that both sets of parents expect them to observe.

Second, contact your DDs school counselor. There might be a girls' group where students discuss problematic/risky relationships like this one. The counselor might also assist you in connecting your daughter to activities at lunch and after school that might be a positive alternative to this relationship.

Finally, and this is essential: exercise some appropriate parental control over your DD's phone and social media. The phone stays in your control at night; get passwords to ALL her accounts, and check her text messages daily.


It just seems so highly inappropriate for this man to be attending HS and eating lunch with a 14 year old kid.

This 20 year old man has the option of leaving the school at any time. No one can tell a 20 year old that they have to stay in HS. The girl is a captive audience and is legally required to be at that school. She doesn't have the option to leave if she doesn't like it. Sending her to a support group with other teenagers within the school to learn how to deal with these grown men sitting at their cafeteria lunch table and coming onto them at their HS dances just seems incredibly stupid and very wrong - sorry. It's socially inappropriate for her and socially inappropriate for him. Next thing you know he'll be turning 21 and running out to the bar to have a drink during his lunch break. What can his 4th period teacher do if he comes back smelling like beer?

That man should be attending adult classes with other adults.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 14:30     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
Isn't it child abuse for a man to send graphic messages to a child? Get your daughter's log in info and check her accounts. The school is a mandatory reporter and will have to respond. He should be suspended.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 14:18     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
OP, my key piece of advice: contact the young man's parents NOW. The thing is, his parents are probably even more alarmed than you are about the relationship, since their son is the one who faces legal jeopardy. Talk to the parents. Likely as not, you will find allies. You might even arrange a meeting in which both sets of parents speak to the two young people about the limits and boundaries that both sets of parents expect them to observe.

Second, contact your DDs school counselor. There might be a girls' group where students discuss problematic/risky relationships like this one. The counselor might also assist you in connecting your daughter to activities at lunch and after school that might be a positive alternative to this relationship.

Finally, and this is essential: exercise some appropriate parental control over your DD's phone and social media. The phone stays in your control at night; get passwords to ALL her accounts, and check her text messages daily.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 14:17     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:Actually, I don't think OP is a troll. Something similar happened to my daughter when she was a 14-year old freshman, and the outcome was about as bad as you can possibly imagine.

Combine the romantic illusions, drive toward autonomy, and tendency toward secrecy of your average 14 year old girl with an emotionally immature, short-cut seeking adult man and you've got a disaster in the making. BTDT.


Were you able to intervene?
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 14:05     Subject: 14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A 20 year old senior??


If they are an illegal immigrant or unaccompanied minors I believe they can stay in traditional high school until either 21 or 22, usually in 9th grade classes because they are behind.

Special needs kids can also stay longer.

Someone please correct me if I am wrong.


Yes, until 22 as long as their 22nd birthday doesn't happen before the start of the school year. (at least in my county)

I went to school with a girl whose SN brother was allowed to keep repeating the 12th grade until he aged out. They both got to graduate the same year and a huge deal was made out it by the school because he'd been at the HS for 7 years and had been a teacher's aid to so many teachers there.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 13:50     Subject: 14 year old dating 20 year old
You can let her know that if she has sex with him she will be texting him in jail. And then you say "Oh wait, you can't text in jail."
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 12:09     Subject: 14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

It is illegal for a 2p year old man to date a person 4 years or more you her than him.

Grades are irrelevant


This is true only if you believe that "date" and "have sexual contact with" are synonyms.


And PP's own 14 yo daughter can now be experimented in this risky game of "see if this 20 yo man will or will not sexually invade the little girl".
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 11:58     Subject: 14 year old dating 20 year old
No. No. No.
Anonymous
Post 01/04/2018 11:55     Subject: Re:14 year old dating 20 year old
Anonymous wrote:Actually, I don't think OP is a troll. Something similar happened to my daughter when she was a 14-year old freshman, and the outcome was about as bad as you can possibly imagine.

Combine the romantic illusions, drive toward autonomy, and tendency toward secrecy of your average 14 year old girl with an emotionally immature, short-cut seeking adult man and you've got a disaster in the making. BTDT.


What did you do?