Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced at 28 with three kids. I had a blast dating, always kept my dating life and home life separated. I dated a wide range from five years younger than me to 20 years older. Men pursued me, and I was quite happy to maintain my singledom. I figured that I had had my kids, I had a good career, and I enjoyed being single.
While traveling solo I met an incredible man, tall, kind, smart, handsome, great job, two years younger than I am. I friend zoned him immediately because he had never been married, had no kids. As friends we developed an amazing connection, he convinced me that he didn’t want to be in the friend zone , we dated, married, and now have another kid. My children from marriage 1 love their stepdad, they get to see a loving and respectful relationship modeled every day (a far cry from what is modeled in XH’s home), and are happy kids.

Traveling solo? Where were your three children?

Perhaps with their father?

Or their grandparents? Or friends? Or a sitter? I'd imagine children of single parents stay with the same sorts of people kids of married parents stay with when the adults travel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced at 28 with three kids. I had a blast dating, always kept my dating life and home life separated. I dated a wide range from five years younger than me to 20 years older. Men pursued me, and I was quite happy to maintain my singledom. I figured that I had had my kids, I had a good career, and I enjoyed being single.
While traveling solo I met an incredible man, tall, kind, smart, handsome, great job, two years younger than I am. I friend zoned him immediately because he had never been married, had no kids. As friends we developed an amazing connection, he convinced me that he didn’t want to be in the friend zone , we dated, married, and now have another kid. My children from marriage 1 love their stepdad, they get to see a loving and respectful relationship modeled every day (a far cry from what is modeled in XH’s home), and are happy kids.

Traveling solo? Where were your three children?

Perhaps with their father?

Anonymous wrote:I was divorced at 28 with three kids. I had a blast dating, always kept my dating life and home life separated. I dated a wide range from five years younger than me to 20 years older. Men pursued me, and I was quite happy to maintain my singledom. I figured that I had had my kids, I had a good career, and I enjoyed being single.
While traveling solo I met an incredible man, tall, kind, smart, handsome, great job, two years younger than I am. I friend zoned him immediately because he had never been married, had no kids. As friends we developed an amazing connection, he convinced me that he didn’t want to be in the friend zone , we dated, married, and now have another kid. My children from marriage 1 love their stepdad, they get to see a loving and respectful relationship modeled every day (a far cry from what is modeled in XH’s home), and are happy kids.

Traveling solo? Where were your three children?

Non-communal cults = non-committal adults.

Good one, Tim. Good one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am super liberal in every other way, but when it comes to divorced parents with children dating I am 100% with Dr. Laura Schlesinger on this. She tells people not to date until your kids are grown. Your kids don’t need a step parent or step siblings or a new half sibling when they’ve already experienced the trauma and loss of their family.

When my husband walked out, I was still breastfeeding my son. So I stay chaste for 18 years while my X builds a life with his mistress. Awesome. This makes total sense.

They would say it's your fault for not choosing a better spouse and now you deserve what you get.
I don't even think they know how they sound.

It has zero whatsoever to do with who is at fault. It’s not punishment. It’s about putting your children ahead of yourself and your dating life.

So neither the father or mother should ever marry again? You’re promoting a spin-off generation of non-communal cults in another 25 years. Will fit beautifully in the George Orwell 1984 undercurrent we have brewing in our country.

I was divorced at 28 with three kids. I had a blast dating, always kept my dating life and home life separated. I dated a wide range from five years younger than me to 20 years older. Men pursued me, and I was quite happy to maintain my singledom. I figured that I had had my kids, I had a good career, and I enjoyed being single.
While traveling solo I met an incredible man, tall, kind, smart, handsome, great job, two years younger than I am. I friend zoned him immediately because he had never been married, had no kids. As friends we developed an amazing connection, he convinced me that he didn’t want to be in the friend zone , we dated, married, and now have another kid. My children from marriage 1 love their stepdad, they get to see a loving and respectful relationship modeled every day (a far cry from what is modeled in XH’s home), and are happy kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For once, quit being selfish.

Agreed!

I have a single, divorced mom friend. She’s always completely frazzled and can’t believe she has to do this or that for her Kids (I can’t find the time with work. It’s hard being single!) but miracle of miracles! she always has time to date men and get laid.

You don’t need a man to be happy right now. Your KIDS DONT NEED A MAN to be happy right now. They wanted their FAMILY. Not some guy who wants you in bed and boosts your confidence.

+10000

This is stupid. Of course she should date. Happy women are better mothers. Have fun, OP!

Since when is dating fun? What actually ends up happening is that the inevitable highs and lows of dating are emotionally passed through to kids as well, right when they need STABILITY post divorce.

I'm a single mom who dates (what you may refer to as a whore). My kids don't know that I date. I live with my parents, and usually don't leave the house until the kids are sleeping. They wouldn't know if I'm going to yoga class, out to a movie with a friend or a romantic outing anyway. I do experience the ups and downs of dating (and God knows marriage has zero emotional ups and downs!) but I am mature enough to treat my children well no matter what I'm going through. And even if I occasionally felt melancholy and the kids notice (perhaps this will happen in the future), what is the horrible lesson I'm teaching my kids? That the adult human experience is rich and complex and it's essential to know how to properly manage one's life in the face of difficulty? Horrible. Someone call CPS.

Since when is dating fun? What actually ends up happening is that the inevitable highs and lows of dating are emotionally passed through to kids as well, right when they need STABILITY post divorce

You make that sound like some sort of certainty. Any evidence?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For once, quit being selfish.

Agreed!

I have a single, divorced mom friend. She’s always completely frazzled and can’t believe she has to do this or that for her Kids (I can’t find the time with work. It’s hard being single!) but miracle of miracles! she always has time to date men and get laid.

You don’t need a man to be happy right now. Your KIDS DONT NEED A MAN to be happy right now. They wanted their FAMILY. Not some guy who wants you in bed and boosts your confidence.

+10000

This is stupid. Of course she should date. Happy women are better mothers. Have fun, OP!

Since when is dating fun? What actually ends up happening is that the inevitable highs and lows of dating are emotionally passed through to kids as well, right when they need STABILITY post divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am super liberal in every other way, but when it comes to divorced parents with children dating I am 100% with Dr. Laura Schlesinger on this. She tells people not to date until your kids are grown. Your kids don’t need a step parent or step siblings or a new half sibling when they’ve already experienced the trauma and loss of their family.

When my husband walked out, I was still breastfeeding my son. So I stay chaste for 18 years while my X builds a life with his mistress. Awesome. This makes total sense.

They would say it's your fault for not choosing a better spouse and now you deserve what you get.
I don't even think they know how they sound.

It has zero whatsoever to do with who is at fault. It’s not punishment. It’s about putting your children ahead of yourself and your dating life.

Would love to see what you do when this is actually your life. Until then, enjoy your moral superiority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am super liberal in every other way, but when it comes to divorced parents with children dating I am 100% with Dr. Laura Schlesinger on this. She tells people not to date until your kids are grown. Your kids don’t need a step parent or step siblings or a new half sibling when they’ve already experienced the trauma and loss of their family.

When my husband walked out, I was still breastfeeding my son. So I stay chaste for 18 years while my X builds a life with his mistress. Awesome. This makes total sense.

They would say it's your fault for not choosing a better spouse and now you deserve what you get.
I don't even think they know how they sound.

It has zero whatsoever to do with who is at fault. It’s not punishment. It’s about putting your children ahead of yourself and your dating life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am super liberal in every other way, but when it comes to divorced parents with children dating I am 100% with Dr. Laura Schlesinger on this. She tells people not to date until your kids are grown. Your kids don’t need a step parent or step siblings or a new half sibling when they’ve already experienced the trauma and loss of their family.

When my husband walked out, I was still breastfeeding my son. So I stay chaste for 18 years while my X builds a life with his mistress. Awesome. This makes total sense.

They would say it's your fault for not choosing a better spouse and now you deserve what you get.
I don't even think they know how they sound.

Anonymous wrote:I am super liberal in every other way, but when it comes to divorced parents with children dating I am 100% with Dr. Laura Schlesinger on this. She tells people not to date until your kids are grown. Your kids don’t need a step parent or step siblings or a new half sibling when they’ve already experienced the trauma and loss of their family.

When my husband walked out, I was still breastfeeding my son. So I stay chaste for 18 years while my X builds a life with his mistress. Awesome. This makes total sense.

Anonymous wrote:I am super liberal in every other way, but when it comes to divorced parents with children dating I am 100% with Dr. Laura Schlesinger on this. She tells people not to date until your kids are grown. Your kids don’t need a step parent or step siblings or a new half sibling when they’ve already experienced the trauma and loss of their family.

Whatever - blanket rules are not appropriate or helpful. Every divorce is different. Widowhood is different. "Dr. Laura" makes money to give advice in a way that matches her conservative worldview -- that's gives her no credit.

You shouldn't start to date until you've got your own shit together for yourself and your kids -- including an understanding of your own baggage. (Frankly, for some people, this means they shouldn't date again, ever.) But when you're ready, and if you want to, date. And if you find someone that will make a good life partner, partner up.

I separated from my XH when I was about 34. I didn't date for quite awhile. And guess what - I'm pretty, confident, fun, and fat (think the slim version of Melissa McCarthy.) I didn't have any trouble getting dates. Also, don't discount the career angle. I have a very good career and that matters/ed to the former and current boyfriend. I think quality men look at the career angle because most aren't interested in someone that they have to take care of financially. My boyfriend/life partner and I have now been together for 4.5 years. We live together but are choosing not to get married at this time -- primarily because we'd get killed on taxes. Neither of us wants anymore kids and our kids get along great. Everyone -- especially my children -- are better off seeing a strong, loving relationship and having all the additional love in their lives from my BF's family. The kids' dad is - from what I can tell - happier as well. Remarried and has a kid that my kids adore.

So no, you don't have to martyr yourself after a divorce.

Anonymous wrote:I am super liberal in every other way, but when it comes to divorced parents with children dating I am 100% with Dr. Laura Schlesinger on this. She tells people not to date until your kids are grown. Your kids don’t need a step parent or step siblings or a new half sibling when they’ve already experienced the trauma and loss of their family.

I agree with this. Particularly so with the more kids you have.